Invited to Friday night Jewish dinner. What to expect/ take?
Discussion
We have been invited for a traditional Jewish Friday night dinner tonight at the parents of a family friends. Our friends take a relaxed view to the religion, however the father follows the faith strictly (no pork, no drinking, no using machinery/ cars after sunset on Fridays, doesn't believe in the theory of evolution, etc).
1 - Can anyone give me a top line on what to expect please so I can inform Mrs kiwi and the kids before we go?
2 - Normally I'd take flowers and wine to thank someone for the invite, but given the parents don't often drink, any better suggestions on something more appropriate to take as a gift?
Help and advise much appreciated
1 - Can anyone give me a top line on what to expect please so I can inform Mrs kiwi and the kids before we go?
2 - Normally I'd take flowers and wine to thank someone for the invite, but given the parents don't often drink, any better suggestions on something more appropriate to take as a gift?
Help and advise much appreciated
Flowers are fine. If they keep kosher you would be unwise to take food as there are varying degrees of observance. If they use a skullcap they may offer one to you and it is polite to wear it at the table but otherwise not needed. There is a Shabbas ritual before the meal that is very brief and you need to do nothing.Jews are not proselytisers and understand that there are varieties of beliefs. I expect that you will be warmly welcomed.
Edited by RDMcG on Friday 11th May 13:55
Some very Orthodox people won't drink non-Kosher wine so it's worth checking before you pick out a nice bottle. Can't think of any reason for flowers not to be OK. I always used to take a box of chocolates round.
My experiences have all been at not-so-Orthodox Friday night dinners, which generally went like this:
Arrive comfortably before sunset (check the paper?) in smart-ish clothes.
Mooch around chatting while whoever's cooking finishes getting ready. Offer to help if it seems appropriate - you'll pretty much always be politely refused just as with any dinner party etc.
Go in to dining room. Head of family sits at one end of table.
Candles lit and blessing/prayer said over the candles, the bread and the (kosher and often VERY sweet) wine. Blessing etc may be sung or said or somewhere inbetween. Heads down and listen, don't panic that you can't join in - kids especially may appreciate knowing this!
Food! Normal deal but there will be no dairy produce in the same meal as anything meaty. Attempt to coach any particuarly small children not to loudly ask for ham.
My cousin did this one aged about 5 - we are Jewish but she'd grown up without any dietary restriction...
After meal, or sometimes between meal and pud depending on the family, some more sung prayers/blessings etc. Note the no meat and milk in same meal thing - this means for instance that any icecream offered will be non-dairy Swedish Glace or similar. You have been warned.
My experiences have all been at not-so-Orthodox Friday night dinners, which generally went like this:
Arrive comfortably before sunset (check the paper?) in smart-ish clothes.
Mooch around chatting while whoever's cooking finishes getting ready. Offer to help if it seems appropriate - you'll pretty much always be politely refused just as with any dinner party etc.
Go in to dining room. Head of family sits at one end of table.
Candles lit and blessing/prayer said over the candles, the bread and the (kosher and often VERY sweet) wine. Blessing etc may be sung or said or somewhere inbetween. Heads down and listen, don't panic that you can't join in - kids especially may appreciate knowing this!
Food! Normal deal but there will be no dairy produce in the same meal as anything meaty. Attempt to coach any particuarly small children not to loudly ask for ham.
My cousin did this one aged about 5 - we are Jewish but she'd grown up without any dietary restriction...After meal, or sometimes between meal and pud depending on the family, some more sung prayers/blessings etc. Note the no meat and milk in same meal thing - this means for instance that any icecream offered will be non-dairy Swedish Glace or similar. You have been warned.
RDMcG said:
Flowers are fine. If they keep kosher you would be unwise to take food as there are varying degrees of observance. If they use a skullcap they may offer one to you and it is polite to wear it at the table but otherwise not needed. There is a Shabbas ritual before the meal that is very brief and you need to do nothing.Jews are not proselytisers and understand that there are vatieties of beliefs. I expect that you will be warmly welcomed.
Flowers it is then.I have been invited before about 12 years ago, and I did wear a skull cap. I do remember there was a massive amount of very delicious food!!!
It will be good to see them again. The family are lovely, and only the father doesn't drink and follows the faith strongly. I suspect there will be a few wines/ beers consumed tonight
BlackVanDyke said:
Some very Orthodox people won't drink non-Kosher wine so it's worth checking before you pick out a nice bottle. Can't think of any reason for flowers not to be OK. I always used to take a box of chocolates round.
My experiences have all been at not-so-Orthodox Friday night dinners, which generally went like this:
Arrive comfortably before sunset (check the paper?) in smart-ish clothes.
Mooch around chatting while whoever's cooking finishes getting ready. Offer to help if it seems appropriate - you'll pretty much always be politely refused just as with any dinner party etc.
Go in to dining room. Head of family sits at one end of table.
Candles lit and blessing/prayer said over the candles, the bread and the (kosher and often VERY sweet) wine. Blessing etc may be sung or said or somewhere inbetween. Heads down and listen, don't panic that you can't join in - kids especially may appreciate knowing this!
Food! Normal deal but there will be no dairy produce in the same meal as anything meaty. Attempt to coach any particuarly small children not to loudly ask for ham. My cousin did this one aged about 5 - we are Jewish but she'd grown up without any dietary restriction...
After meal, or sometimes between meal and pud depending on the family, some more sung prayers/blessings etc. Note the no meat and milk in same meal thing - this means for instance that any icecream offered will be non-dairy Swedish Glace or similar. You have been warned.
Great advice thanks. Will warn the kids not to ask for ham, which they could easily do if not warned My experiences have all been at not-so-Orthodox Friday night dinners, which generally went like this:
Arrive comfortably before sunset (check the paper?) in smart-ish clothes.
Mooch around chatting while whoever's cooking finishes getting ready. Offer to help if it seems appropriate - you'll pretty much always be politely refused just as with any dinner party etc.
Go in to dining room. Head of family sits at one end of table.
Candles lit and blessing/prayer said over the candles, the bread and the (kosher and often VERY sweet) wine. Blessing etc may be sung or said or somewhere inbetween. Heads down and listen, don't panic that you can't join in - kids especially may appreciate knowing this!
Food! Normal deal but there will be no dairy produce in the same meal as anything meaty. Attempt to coach any particuarly small children not to loudly ask for ham.
My cousin did this one aged about 5 - we are Jewish but she'd grown up without any dietary restriction...After meal, or sometimes between meal and pud depending on the family, some more sung prayers/blessings etc. Note the no meat and milk in same meal thing - this means for instance that any icecream offered will be non-dairy Swedish Glace or similar. You have been warned.
Will drink beer instead of sweet wine, and watch the size of serving I take of Ice Cream
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