Heading to Essex soon, do I need a spray tan first?

[paddy328]

I'll be off that way soon (minus the gazebo) and wondered if I need to get a orange tan before I'm allowed in? Any locals be able to give me advice?

[petesv8v]

We abandoned the need for spray tan as an entry requirement as we found people from other parts of the country seldom looked as good with one as we do.

Main requirement when coming to Essex is have your wits about you

Enjoy your visit to God's county

[johng39]

Bring a stab vest, that would be more appropriate and speak in a cockerknee accent. Stay away from Basildon, Harlow Southend, Pitsea, Vange, Laindon......... in fact don't enter the county.

[yeti]

petesv8v said:

Main requirement when coming to Essex is have your wits about you

I believe that only half of the wit is required for Essex, n'est pas?

[George H]

paddy328 said:

I'll be off that way soon (minus the gazebo) and wondered if I need to get a orange tan before I'm allowed in?

I think it would be best to do so as a precaution.

Are you going there to detail an XR3i?

[paddy328]

Thank you gents. Hopefully won't be needing the stab vest. If they all talk like they do on towie, then that will get on my tits pretty quick. However, the discerning gentlemen that I will be working for will no doubt be cut from a different cloth....

[paddy328]

I think you're right George. Sadly no xr3i. Just another Aston....

[George H]

paddy328 said:

I think you're right George. Sadly no xr3i. Just another Aston....

Let me guess, a white one with black alloys?

[johng39]

yeti said:

I believe that only half of the wit is required for Essex, n'est pas?

Now that mate, matey, geeza, me old china - is fighting talk.

What makes you think for one minute that people in Essex even understood what you just said anyway? Chocks away.

[johng39]

paddy328 said:

I'll be off that way soon (minus the gazebo) and wondered if I need to get a orange tan before I'm allowed in? Any locals be able to give me advice?

That is a shame I did not realise, you could have done mine. It has plenty of damage already so you could not have made it any worse

[yeti]

johng39 said:

Now that mate, matey, geeza, me old china - is fighting talk.

Beleive or not, I was born in Lambeth town and my Dad in Silvertown!! The airs and graces are just to impress Mrs Yeti's family

[johng39]

yeti said:

Beleive or not, I was born in Lambeth town and my Dad in Silvertown!! The airs and graces are just to impress Mrs Yeti's family

And I was about to put on my shiny tracksuit and come over

[AMDBSNick]

My Dad was born within sight of Bow Bells - evidently this has some significance

[Jockman]

AMDBSNick said:

My Dad was born within sight of Bow Bells - evidently this has some significance

Indeed it does Nicko'tine.

Your Dad would thus be termed as a 'Bell-Ender'

[AMDBSNick]

Jockman said:

Indeed it does Nicko'tine.

Your Dad would thus be termed as a 'Bell-Ender'

[v8woollie]

AMDBSNick said:

My Dad was born within sight of Bow Bells - evidently this has some significance

He was born in a church?

[Aston Annie]

George H said:

paddy328 said:

I'll be off that way soon (minus the gazebo) and wondered if I need to get a orange tan before I'm allowed in?

I think it would be best to do so as a precaution.

Are you going there to detail an XR3i?

Oi, watch it young George, I used to own an XR3i!

[AMDBSNick]

Aston Annie said:

Oi, watch it young George, I used to own an XR3i!

And me plus an RS Turbo

[Aston Annie]

I always wanted an RS Turbo.

[paddy328]

Hey john, if you dip your short arms into your long pockets, I could always give your manky v12 a treat. Thats presuming it would survive the shock of being washed!