Explaining car differences to women

[eltax91]

I was idly chatting away to the wife last night and was trying to explain to her that driving my Octavia would be a cinch for her as its basically the same as her A3. The concept of platform sharing is somewhat lost on her, so I had to resort to:-

• Golf - its you, in your normal everyday attire, watching telly on the sofa

• Leon - still you, but dolled up in your little black dress (hoiked up to the crotch) wearing massive heels and carrying a clutch bag as you get all lairy on a night out

• A3 - still the same old chassis, but this time you are at a wedding, wearing a nicer dress and trying your best to be posher than you really are

• Octavia - still you, but this time you are in that outfit which makes your ass look big, but you wear it cos its comfy and practical and you can do the gardening in it

So, any other interesting, or indeed piss taking versions on this theme? Or is it just me that comes up with such boring stuff!?

[HeatonNorris]

eltax91 said:

So, any other interesting, or indeed piss taking versions on this theme? Or is it just me that comes up with such boring stuff!?

Did you say it in the Clarkson 'anorak' voice, just to complete the effect?

And yes, it's just you.

[Triumph Man]

eltax91 said:

I was idly chatting away to the wife last night and was trying to explain to her that driving my Octavia would be a cinch for her as its basically the same as her A3. The concept of platform sharing is somewhat lost on her, so I had to resort to:-

• Golf - its you, in your normal everyday attire, watching telly on the sofa

• Leon - still you, but dolled up in your little black dress (hoiked up to the crotch) wearing massive heels and carrying a clutch bag as you get all lairy on a night out

• A3 - still the same old chassis, but this time you are at a wedding, wearing a nicer dress and trying your best to be posher than you really are

• Octavia - still you, but this time you are in that outfit which makes your ass look big, but you wear it cos its comfy and practical and you can do the gardening in it

So, any other interesting, or indeed piss taking versions on this theme? Or is it just me that comes up with such boring stuff!?

Nice way of putting it, did it work? Or did you have to resort to *adenoids* Well my dear they are all based on the VAG PQ35 platform, PQ means "Passenger Quer" or transversed engine passenger vehicle. So they are all the same. Now where's that BJ? *end adenoids*

[eltax91]

Triumph Man said:

Nice way of putting it, did it work? Or did you have to resort to *adenoids* Well my dear they are all based on the VAG PQ35 platform, PQ means "Passenger Quer" or transversed engine passenger vehicle. So they are all the same. Now where's that BJ? *end adenoids*

It sort of worked. I think she got it. I guess she just tolerates my silly ramblings for some reason, cant think why! Maybe its cos I'm a nice bloke when not talking about cars.

It just struck me this was a simplified way to put it. Thankfully I didn't go into different platforms since my geek doesn't go that far.

Starting to wonder if there are any other similar analogies I can use for other car related stuff! Maybe this one stretched it far enough eh?

[John D.]

I explained the difference between wheels and tyres to my girlfriend the other day.

She still doesn't get it

[Triumph Man]

eltax91 said:

Triumph Man said:

Nice way of putting it, did it work? Or did you have to resort to *adenoids* Well my dear they are all based on the VAG PQ35 platform, PQ means "Passenger Quer" or transversed engine passenger vehicle. So they are all the same. Now where's that BJ? *end adenoids*

It sort of worked. I think she got it. I guess she just tolerates my silly ramblings for some reason, cant think why! Maybe its cos I'm a nice bloke when not talking about cars.

It just struck me this was a simplified way to put it. Thankfully I didn't go into different platforms since my geek doesn't go that far.

Starting to wonder if there are any other similar analogies I can use for other car related stuff! Maybe this one stretched it far enough eh?

Haha, fair enough. In my defence I had to look it up. Oh who am I kidding. No I didn't

[eltax91]

Triumph Man said:

Haha, fair enough. In my defence I had to look it up. Oh who am I kidding. No I didn't

Oh, I bow to your superior geek good sir. In fact, the good lady has now turned up the ante somewhat and told me to 'simplify' in a similar way the difference between our neighbours passat (b5) and our 'shared' siblings.

Now, how to shoehorn in longitudinal engines, comparisons with the A4/6, the seat (exeo is it?) And the skoda superb.

Oh dear, I'm out of my depth!

[VinceFox]

Golf: one of those jane normal dresses an average pear shaped wife wears to a dull 'social' event.

Leon: one of those jane normal dresses an average pear shaped wife wears to a dull 'social' event.

A3: one of those jane normal dresses an average pear shaped wife wears to a dull 'social' event.

Octavia: one of those jane normal dresses an average pear shaped wife wears to a dull 'social' event.

[Captain Muppet]

eltax91 said:

Triumph Man said:

Haha, fair enough. In my defence I had to look it up. Oh who am I kidding. No I didn't

Oh, I bow to your superior geek good sir. In fact, the good lady has now turned up the ante somewhat and told me to 'simplify' in a similar way the difference between our neighbours passat (b5) and our 'shared' siblings.

Now, how to shoehorn in longitudinal engines, comparisons with the A4/6, the seat (exeo is it?) And the skoda superb.

Oh dear, I'm out of my depth!

You could try explain the basics of engineering to her. Women are equal now, it was in the news a few years ago. Treating them like fluffy brained house pets is just pandering to their basic laziness.

Anyone who can't understand transverse and longitudinal engines after having been shown one of each is a massive thicko. Although if you really have to dumb it down you could try "if a baby came out sideways it would be transverse, this is clearly not as good as longitudinal, so I should have an M5".

[Captain Muppet]

VinceFox said:

Golf: one of those jane normal dresses an average pear shaped wife wears to a dull 'social' event.

Leon: one of those jane normal dresses an average pear shaped wife wears to a dull 'social' event.

A3: one of those jane normal dresses an average pear shaped wife wears to a dull 'social' event.

Octavia: one of those jane normal dresses an average pear shaped wife wears to a dull 'social' event.

[paintman]

Still just tin (other materials are also available) boxes with a wheel at each corner.
As long as it gets them from A to B reliably & in reasonable comfort that's about the interest level for many people.

[All that jazz]

VinceFox said:

Golf: one of those jane normal dresses an average pear shaped wife wears to a dull 'social' event.

Leon: one of those jane normal dresses an average pear shaped wife wears to a dull 'social' event.

A3: one of those jane normal dresses an average pear shaped wife wears to a dull 'social' event.

Octavia: one of those jane normal dresses an average pear shaped wife wears to a dull 'social' event.

I was just thinking the same when I scrolled down to your post.

[kambites]

VinceFox said:

Golf: one of those jane normal dresses an average pear shaped wife wears to a dull 'social' event.

Leon: one of those jane normal dresses an average pear shaped wife wears to a dull 'social' event.

A3: one of those jane normal dresses an average pear shaped wife wears to a dull 'social' event.

Octavia: one of those jane normal dresses an average pear shaped wife wears to a dull 'social' event.

[crofty1984]

My GF was trying to explain the difference between snakes to me, seeing as I was looking at two seemingly identical pythons with a £500 price difference.

"This one's like the normal car that everyone has with no power, this other one's like the turbo version, it's a lot rarer"

Works both ways! I can assure you though that when/if I ever get a snake it's going to be normally aspirated. I'm not spending the extra on a forced induction snake, think of the extra hassle of having to leave it to cool down for a couple of minutes after a good run/slither.

[eltax91]

kambites said:

VinceFox said:

Golf: one of those jane normal dresses an average pear shaped wife wears to a dull 'social' event.

Leon: one of those jane normal dresses an average pear shaped wife wears to a dull 'social' event.

A3: one of those jane normal dresses an average pear shaped wife wears to a dull 'social' event.

Octavia: one of those jane normal dresses an average pear shaped wife wears to a dull 'social' event.

Got to admit, I like that. The Octavia is (for me) a daily grinder to do 30k p.a miles in for work purposes (and bloody good at the task it is too).

So, how do I, in such a predicament, go about explaining the toy in the garage? So far, I've totally avoided the conversation because I can't be arsed, if I'm asked why I own it by friends/ family, I say it's because I'm a petrol head and I enjoy off-roading....

[VinceFox]

It's a pair of wellies. Real wellies not them st ones people wear that dont ever get dirty.

[Triumph Man]

crofty1984 said:

My GF was trying to explain the difference between snakes to me, seeing as I was looking at two seemingly identical pythons with a £500 price difference.

"This one's like the normal car that everyone has with no power, this other one's like the turbo version, it's a lot rarer"

Works both ways! I can assure you though that when/if I ever get a snake it's going to be normally aspirated. I'm not spending the extra on a forced induction snake, think of the extra hassle of having to leave it to cool down for a couple of minutes after a good run/slither.

[Triumph Man]

Captain Muppet said:

eltax91 said:

Triumph Man said:

Haha, fair enough. In my defence I had to look it up. Oh who am I kidding. No I didn't

Oh, I bow to your superior geek good sir. In fact, the good lady has now turned up the ante somewhat and told me to 'simplify' in a similar way the difference between our neighbours passat (b5) and our 'shared' siblings.

Now, how to shoehorn in longitudinal engines, comparisons with the A4/6, the seat (exeo is it?) And the skoda superb.

Oh dear, I'm out of my depth!

You could try explain the basics of engineering to her. Women are equal now, it was in the news a few years ago. Treating them like fluffy brained house pets is just pandering to their basic laziness.

Anyone who can't understand transverse and longitudinal engines after having been shown one of each is a massive thicko. Although if you really have to dumb it down you could try "if a baby came out sideways it would be transverse, this is clearly not as good as longitudinal, so I should have an M5".

What about if it comes out backwards? Does that make it a Saab 900?

[VinceFox]

Triumph Man said:

Captain Muppet said:

eltax91 said:

Triumph Man said:

Haha, fair enough. In my defence I had to look it up. Oh who am I kidding. No I didn't

Oh, I bow to your superior geek good sir. In fact, the good lady has now turned up the ante somewhat and told me to 'simplify' in a similar way the difference between our neighbours passat (b5) and our 'shared' siblings.

Now, how to shoehorn in longitudinal engines, comparisons with the A4/6, the seat (exeo is it?) And the skoda superb.

Oh dear, I'm out of my depth!

You could try explain the basics of engineering to her. Women are equal now, it was in the news a few years ago. Treating them like fluffy brained house pets is just pandering to their basic laziness.

Anyone who can't understand transverse and longitudinal engines after having been shown one of each is a massive thicko. Although if you really have to dumb it down you could try "if a baby came out sideways it would be transverse, this is clearly not as good as longitudinal, so I should have an M5".

What about if it comes out backwards? Does that make it a Saab 900?

Hillman imp.

[V8KSN]

The only one I found to work was with an ex girlfriend who used to thrash her cars from cold....... I said she should let the oil in the car warm up a little first and then everything is less stressful.

It's the equivalent of a rough hard shag with no foreplay........she understood straight away