Discussion
What's the difference between a Wonderbra and France? A Wonderbra has decent
support and a cup.
What's the difference between France and Grimsby Fishermen? Grimsby
fisherman score quite regularly and know where the back of the net is.
What's the difference between a mini and Barthez's goal? You can only fit 2
comfortably in the back of a mini.
Why does Barthez sweat so much when he's excited? Because he's a twat.
Why do the French float on water? Because they're scum.
What's the difference between a new student and the French? After two weeks
a student has managed to score at least once.
What's the most expensive ticket on the black market in Japan? The next
flight from Tokyo to Charles de Gaulle.
What's the difference between France's and China's world cup campaign? 3
days.
What's the difference between France's World Cup campaign and Garlic? Garlic
has influence and tends to lingers around longer then French football.
What's the difference between French Football and the Euro? The whole of
Europe is united in
it's view on French Football.
All said in jest, obviously....
support and a cup.
What's the difference between France and Grimsby Fishermen? Grimsby
fisherman score quite regularly and know where the back of the net is.
What's the difference between a mini and Barthez's goal? You can only fit 2
comfortably in the back of a mini.
Why does Barthez sweat so much when he's excited? Because he's a twat.
Why do the French float on water? Because they're scum.
What's the difference between a new student and the French? After two weeks
a student has managed to score at least once.
What's the most expensive ticket on the black market in Japan? The next
flight from Tokyo to Charles de Gaulle.
What's the difference between France's and China's world cup campaign? 3
days.
What's the difference between France's World Cup campaign and Garlic? Garlic
has influence and tends to lingers around longer then French football.
What's the difference between French Football and the Euro? The whole of
Europe is united in
it's view on French Football.
All said in jest, obviously....
There was an Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman on death row.
The warden gave them a choice of three ways to die:
1. To be shot.
2. To be hung
3. To be injected with the AIDS virus for a slow death.
So the Englishman said, "Shoot me right in the head." Boom, he was dead
instantly.
Then the Irtishman said, "Just hang me." Snap! He was dead.
Then the Scotsman said, "Give me some of that AIDS stuff." They gave him the
shot, and the Scotsman fell down laughing. The guards looked at each other
and wondered what was wrong with this guy. Then the Scotsman said, "Give me
another one of those shots," so the guards did. Now he was laughing so hard,
tears rolled from his eyes and he doubled over.
Finally the warden said, "What's wrong with you?"
The Scotsman replied, "You guys are so stupid.....I'm wearing a condom."
The warden gave them a choice of three ways to die:
1. To be shot.
2. To be hung
3. To be injected with the AIDS virus for a slow death.
So the Englishman said, "Shoot me right in the head." Boom, he was dead
instantly.
Then the Irtishman said, "Just hang me." Snap! He was dead.
Then the Scotsman said, "Give me some of that AIDS stuff." They gave him the
shot, and the Scotsman fell down laughing. The guards looked at each other
and wondered what was wrong with this guy. Then the Scotsman said, "Give me
another one of those shots," so the guards did. Now he was laughing so hard,
tears rolled from his eyes and he doubled over.
Finally the warden said, "What's wrong with you?"
The Scotsman replied, "You guys are so stupid.....I'm wearing a condom."
A bloke on his way home from work comes to a dead halt in Traffic and thinks
to himself, this traffic seems worse than usual. He notices a police officer
walking back and forth between the lines of cars so he rolls down his
window.
"Officer what's the hold up?"
The officer replies: "It's a French fan, he's just so depressed about losing
to the Danish, being knocked out of the world cup, finishing behind England,
and the prospect of winning f***k all after gobbing off all year, he's
threatening to douse himself in petrol and set himself on fire. He says his
family hates him, his mates are all laughing at him and he has never had a
bath, I'm walking around taking a collection for him."
"Really?" says the executive "How much have you collected?"
"So far," replies the policeman, "only half a gallon, but a lot of people
are still siphoning."
to himself, this traffic seems worse than usual. He notices a police officer
walking back and forth between the lines of cars so he rolls down his
window.
"Officer what's the hold up?"
The officer replies: "It's a French fan, he's just so depressed about losing
to the Danish, being knocked out of the world cup, finishing behind England,
and the prospect of winning f***k all after gobbing off all year, he's
threatening to douse himself in petrol and set himself on fire. He says his
family hates him, his mates are all laughing at him and he has never had a
bath, I'm walking around taking a collection for him."
"Really?" says the executive "How much have you collected?"
"So far," replies the policeman, "only half a gallon, but a lot of people
are still siphoning."
. 
, I have a feeling that the joke was supposed to be an Irish one, the fact that the Scott was the butt of it could have something to do with the fact than an Irish man sent it to me....A song for our French friends - to the tune of 3Lions
They're going home,
They're going home,
They're going...
The French are going home] x2
Isn't it great, thank God it's true.
Although they missed Zizou,
It won't do.
They're not through.
The Froggies went and threw it away.
At the end of the day
They forgot how to play
Now we're all singing...
Not a single goal -
Frank Leboeuf still moaning.
Lemerre on the dole,
No more Gallic groaning.
All of your taunts, all of your jeers,
But who is staying here?
You were shite,
And it's clear.
There's no use blaming
The referee,
Or the pitch, or Henry,
Or Zidane's dodgy knee,
You're just plain rubbish.
Bunch of whingeing tw*ts ,
Team of graceless losers,
Treze-goal my a*se,
Heading down the boozer.
("And here's Rommedahl for Denmark, Rommedahl.. yes! And Denmark lead
the World Champions.... Oh, a dangerous looking attack here for
Senegal,great
ball to Diop, who scores! The holders are staring opening day defeat
in the face... Tomasson for Denmark. Can he finish it off here? He can.
It's Denmark 2 France 0, and the French are going home...)
Their mascot's a hen,
They elected Le Pen.
[They're going home,
They're going home,
They're going...
The French are going home] x2 and continue.
Not a single goal -
Frank Leboeuf still moaning.
Lemerre on the dole,
No more Gallic groaning.
They're going home,
They're going home,
They're going...
The French are going home] x2
Isn't it great, thank God it's true.
Although they missed Zizou,
It won't do.
They're not through.
The Froggies went and threw it away.
At the end of the day
They forgot how to play
Now we're all singing...
Not a single goal -
Frank Leboeuf still moaning.
Lemerre on the dole,
No more Gallic groaning.
All of your taunts, all of your jeers,
But who is staying here?
You were shite,
And it's clear.
There's no use blaming
The referee,
Or the pitch, or Henry,
Or Zidane's dodgy knee,
You're just plain rubbish.
Bunch of whingeing tw*ts ,
Team of graceless losers,
Treze-goal my a*se,
Heading down the boozer.
("And here's Rommedahl for Denmark, Rommedahl.. yes! And Denmark lead
the World Champions.... Oh, a dangerous looking attack here for
Senegal,great
ball to Diop, who scores! The holders are staring opening day defeat
in the face... Tomasson for Denmark. Can he finish it off here? He can.
It's Denmark 2 France 0, and the French are going home...)
Their mascot's a hen,
They elected Le Pen.
[They're going home,
They're going home,
They're going...
The French are going home] x2 and continue.
Not a single goal -
Frank Leboeuf still moaning.
Lemerre on the dole,
No more Gallic groaning.
Two couples were playing cards one evening. John accidentally dropped
some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them
up, he noticed that Bill's wife's, legs were spread wide, and wasn't
wearing any underwear! Shocked by this, John upon trying to sit back up
again, hit his head on the table & emerged red-faced.
Later, John went to the kitchen to get some refreshments. Bill's wife
followed & asked, "Did you see anything that you liked under there?"
Surprised by her boldness, John courageously admitted that, well, indeed
he did. She said, "Well, you can have it but it will cost you £500."
After taking a minute or two to assess the financial situation as well
as the moral costs of this offer, John indicates that he is indeed
interested.
She tells him that since her husband, Bill, works Friday afternoons &
John doesn't, that John should be at her house around 2pm Friday
afternoon.
When Friday rolled around, John showed up at Bill's house for the planned
time at 2pm sharp & after paying her the agreed upon £500, they went to
the bedroom & closed their sexual transaction as Sue had promised.
Afterwards, John quickly dressed & left.
As usual, Bill came home from work at 6pm & upon entering the house,
asks his wife abruptly, "Did John come by the house this afternoon?"
With a lump in her throat, Bill's wife answered, "Why yes, he did stop
by for a few minutes this afternoon." Her heart nearly skipped a beat when
her husband curtly asked, "And did he give you £500?". In terror, she
assumed that somehow he had found out, & after mustering up her best
poker face, replied, "Well, yes, in fact he did give me £500".
Bill, with a satisfied look on his face, surprised his wife by saying,
"Good, I was hoping he did. John came by the office this morning &
borrowed £500 from me. He promised me he'd stop by our house this
afternoon on his way home & pay me back."
Now that's a player.
some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them
up, he noticed that Bill's wife's, legs were spread wide, and wasn't
wearing any underwear! Shocked by this, John upon trying to sit back up
again, hit his head on the table & emerged red-faced.
Later, John went to the kitchen to get some refreshments. Bill's wife
followed & asked, "Did you see anything that you liked under there?"
Surprised by her boldness, John courageously admitted that, well, indeed
he did. She said, "Well, you can have it but it will cost you £500."
After taking a minute or two to assess the financial situation as well
as the moral costs of this offer, John indicates that he is indeed
interested.
She tells him that since her husband, Bill, works Friday afternoons &
John doesn't, that John should be at her house around 2pm Friday
afternoon.
When Friday rolled around, John showed up at Bill's house for the planned
time at 2pm sharp & after paying her the agreed upon £500, they went to
the bedroom & closed their sexual transaction as Sue had promised.
Afterwards, John quickly dressed & left.
As usual, Bill came home from work at 6pm & upon entering the house,
asks his wife abruptly, "Did John come by the house this afternoon?"
With a lump in her throat, Bill's wife answered, "Why yes, he did stop
by for a few minutes this afternoon." Her heart nearly skipped a beat when
her husband curtly asked, "And did he give you £500?". In terror, she
assumed that somehow he had found out, & after mustering up her best
poker face, replied, "Well, yes, in fact he did give me £500".
Bill, with a satisfied look on his face, surprised his wife by saying,
"Good, I was hoping he did. John came by the office this morning &
borrowed £500 from me. He promised me he'd stop by our house this
afternoon on his way home & pay me back."
Now that's a player.
"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman."
The priest asks, "Is that you, little Tommy Shaughnessy?"
"Yes, Father, it is."
"And, who was the woman you were with?"
"Sure and I can't be tellin' you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation."
"Well, Tommy, I'm sure to find out sooner or later, so you may as well tell me now. Was it Brenda O'Malley?"
"I cannot say."
"Was it Patricia Kelly?"
"I'll never tell."
"Was it Liz Shannon?"
"I'm sorry, but I can't name her."
"Was it Cathy Morgan?"
"My lips are sealed."
"Was it Fiona McDonald, then?"
"Please, Father, I cannot tell you."
The priest sighs in frustration. "You're a steadfast lad, Tommy Shaughnessy, and I admire that. But you've sinned, and you must atone. You cannot attend church for three months. Be off with you now."
Tommy walks back to his pew.
His friend Sean slides over and whispers, "What'd you get?"
"Three month's vacation and five good leads," says Tommy.
The priest asks, "Is that you, little Tommy Shaughnessy?"
"Yes, Father, it is."
"And, who was the woman you were with?"
"Sure and I can't be tellin' you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation."
"Well, Tommy, I'm sure to find out sooner or later, so you may as well tell me now. Was it Brenda O'Malley?"
"I cannot say."
"Was it Patricia Kelly?"
"I'll never tell."
"Was it Liz Shannon?"
"I'm sorry, but I can't name her."
"Was it Cathy Morgan?"
"My lips are sealed."
"Was it Fiona McDonald, then?"
"Please, Father, I cannot tell you."
The priest sighs in frustration. "You're a steadfast lad, Tommy Shaughnessy, and I admire that. But you've sinned, and you must atone. You cannot attend church for three months. Be off with you now."
Tommy walks back to his pew.
His friend Sean slides over and whispers, "What'd you get?"
"Three month's vacation and five good leads," says Tommy.
quote:
That's very good, but could you not have put something in about the french? Bill could have been Guillaume, and there could have been an interlude involving france getting beaten at football and having to come home or something along those lines
I suppose I could have, Just couldn't think of any French people worth mentioning!
A Brit, a Scotsman and an Irishman are all drinking Guinness at a table in the pub, while above them circles a swarm of flies. One wayward fly divebombs into the Brits pint. The Brit promptly pushes the glass away, soundly complains, and orders the landlord to bring him a new pint.
A few moments later another fly swoops down and ends up in the Scotsman's stout. The Scotsman eyes the fly, scoops it out, and continues drinking.
Moments later yet another fly spirals from the air, and lands in the Irishman's glass. The Irishman quickly grabs hold of the fly, holds it above the glass and begins screaming, "Spit it out! Spit it out g***amn you!!!!"
A few moments later another fly swoops down and ends up in the Scotsman's stout. The Scotsman eyes the fly, scoops it out, and continues drinking.
Moments later yet another fly spirals from the air, and lands in the Irishman's glass. The Irishman quickly grabs hold of the fly, holds it above the glass and begins screaming, "Spit it out! Spit it out g***amn you!!!!"
Getting back on topic....
"It's the first day of school and the teacher thought she'd get to know the kids by asking them their name and what their father does for a living.
The first little girl says: "My name is Mary and my daddy is a postman."
The next little boy says: "I'm Andy and my Dad is a mechanic."
Then one little boy says: "My name is Pierre and my mather is a striptease dancer in a cabaret for gay men."
The teacher gasps and quickly changes the subject, but
later in the school yard the teacher approaches Pierre
privately and asks if it was really true that his Dad
dances nude in a gay bar. He blushed and said,
"I'm sorry but my dad plays football for France, and I was just too embarrassed to say so."
"It's the first day of school and the teacher thought she'd get to know the kids by asking them their name and what their father does for a living.
The first little girl says: "My name is Mary and my daddy is a postman."
The next little boy says: "I'm Andy and my Dad is a mechanic."
Then one little boy says: "My name is Pierre and my mather is a striptease dancer in a cabaret for gay men."
The teacher gasps and quickly changes the subject, but
later in the school yard the teacher approaches Pierre
privately and asks if it was really true that his Dad
dances nude in a gay bar. He blushed and said,
"I'm sorry but my dad plays football for France, and I was just too embarrassed to say so."
Three guys, an Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman go into a pub. They all suffer from a severe stutter.
"What's it to be?" asks the stunningly beautiful landlady.
"Th th th th th th three pi pi pi pi pi.................." says the Englishman. Up steps the Irishman.
"Threeee ppints of of of of gui gui gui gui................." Then the Scotsman tries.
"Th th th th th th th th th th th th th th......................."
"Oh bugger this !" says the beautiful landlady and walks away to serve someone else. She returns ten minutes later and asks if they are ready to order yet.
"Th th th th th th three pi pi pi pi pi", stutters the Englishman.
"Three pints of gui gui gui gui........." tries Paddy.
And then Scot starts: "Th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th...........".
"Look" says the beautiful landlady, who loves a bet, "If any one of you can tell me where you live without stuttering I'll let you shag me!"
Quite confident that no one will win, she turns to the Englishman.
"Where do you live?"
"M M M M M M M Man Man Man Man Manch Manch Manch."
"No. You lose." says the beautiful landlady.
Turning to the Scotsman, she asks, "Where do you live Scotty?", trying not to laugh.
"E E E E E Ed Ed Ed Edin Edin Edin Edin EdinEdinb."
"Sorry, you lose." says the gorgeous woman.
"And Paddy, where do you live?" she purrs at the Irishman.
"London" blurts out the Irishman.
"Oh. Bugger!" says the landlady.
A great cheer goes up in the pub and the landlady reluctantly takes him by the hand and leads him upstairs. Once in the bedroom she strips to her underwear, next she takes off her bra exposing a voluptous bosom. Finaly she slides off her panties then climbs into bed. Paddy with concentration furrowing his brow, climbs on and goes for glory, and then, right at the climaxing stroke, he suddenly screams out "...............- D D D D D Derry!!"
"What's it to be?" asks the stunningly beautiful landlady.
"Th th th th th th three pi pi pi pi pi.................." says the Englishman. Up steps the Irishman.
"Threeee ppints of of of of gui gui gui gui................." Then the Scotsman tries.
"Th th th th th th th th th th th th th th......................."
"Oh bugger this !" says the beautiful landlady and walks away to serve someone else. She returns ten minutes later and asks if they are ready to order yet.
"Th th th th th th three pi pi pi pi pi", stutters the Englishman.
"Three pints of gui gui gui gui........." tries Paddy.
And then Scot starts: "Th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th...........".
"Look" says the beautiful landlady, who loves a bet, "If any one of you can tell me where you live without stuttering I'll let you shag me!"
Quite confident that no one will win, she turns to the Englishman.
"Where do you live?"
"M M M M M M M Man Man Man Man Manch Manch Manch."
"No. You lose." says the beautiful landlady.
Turning to the Scotsman, she asks, "Where do you live Scotty?", trying not to laugh.
"E E E E E Ed Ed Ed Edin Edin Edin Edin EdinEdinb."
"Sorry, you lose." says the gorgeous woman.
"And Paddy, where do you live?" she purrs at the Irishman.
"London" blurts out the Irishman.
"Oh. Bugger!" says the landlady.
A great cheer goes up in the pub and the landlady reluctantly takes him by the hand and leads him upstairs. Once in the bedroom she strips to her underwear, next she takes off her bra exposing a voluptous bosom. Finaly she slides off her panties then climbs into bed. Paddy with concentration furrowing his brow, climbs on and goes for glory, and then, right at the climaxing stroke, he suddenly screams out "...............- D D D D D Derry!!"
OK they played like third divisions muppets, but come on, I didn't take the piss that much when we did the Grand Slam at the last 6 nations!
It's all down to expectations... the French didn't play a real competitive over the last 2 years. I think they simplly forgot how hungry you need to be to survive the first round of a World Cup. Complacency? Definitely . Arrogance? Only a few players who have nothing to do in a World Cup (or in the Premier League - Leboeuf anyone?).
Anyway, I support the Brits now... but think Brasil will take it home.
regards
Rom
It's all down to expectations... the French didn't play a real competitive over the last 2 years. I think they simplly forgot how hungry you need to be to survive the first round of a World Cup. Complacency? Definitely . Arrogance? Only a few players who have nothing to do in a World Cup (or in the Premier League - Leboeuf anyone?).
Anyway, I support the Brits now... but think Brasil will take it home.
regards
Rom
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