Separated relationship with mortgage issues
Discussion
I recently separated from my fiancée after 10 years and we have had a house together. I have moved out and am currently still paying half the mortgage to help her out (turns out we're best friends, for now anyway). I can't bare to sell the house as it's a grade II cottage in the countryside in West Yorkshire and she loves it and I've put a lot of work into it since we moved in, so I'd love her to stay there. However she cannot afford to live there without my financial contributions.
Does anyone have any experience of this situation? I've been told I'm being too nice in helping her out with half the mortgage, but we cannot afford to sell the house either as I don't think it's worth anymore than what we bought it for. We're reluctant to seek proper legal advice due to cost, and had thought about sorting out our own contract privately, but I've no idea where to start. The thing I worry about is that I'm giving her half the mortgage every month, and I won't be able to get it back, or even lose money. It's a new area for me. Any help / advice much appreciated.
Jonny
Does anyone have any experience of this situation? I've been told I'm being too nice in helping her out with half the mortgage, but we cannot afford to sell the house either as I don't think it's worth anymore than what we bought it for. We're reluctant to seek proper legal advice due to cost, and had thought about sorting out our own contract privately, but I've no idea where to start. The thing I worry about is that I'm giving her half the mortgage every month, and I won't be able to get it back, or even lose money. It's a new area for me. Any help / advice much appreciated.
Jonny
The mortgage will be joint and several which means that both parties are liable for the whole debt. If she doesn't pay it then the bank will likely come after you too and your credit rating will be stuffed too.
You need to put the emotional attachment to the property asside and get it sold.
This assumes you have no children with her living there.
You need to put the emotional attachment to the property asside and get it sold.
This assumes you have no children with her living there.
Been there, done that. You learn, when you get to the other side that you're only doing it because you can't bear to let go (her, not the house), and she no doubt likes the fact that she's still got some control.
From a mortgage/ownership point of view, you're just wasting money. If you really don't want to sell the house and you're the only one who can afford it, why not offer to pay it all and let her move out. See if you're still going to be best friends then!
From a mortgage/ownership point of view, you're just wasting money. If you really don't want to sell the house and you're the only one who can afford it, why not offer to pay it all and let her move out. See if you're still going to be best friends then!
If there is no equity tell her to move out and rent it out or else she needs to find a lodger, but really the best thing for you both is to sell.
The attraction of paying the mortgage whils she is getting boned by her new man will wane very quickly. Also you need to remove attachment to the house, you will find someone and when you do your ex may turn from your best friend to a spiteful vindictive witch.
The attraction of paying the mortgage whils she is getting boned by her new man will wane very quickly. Also you need to remove attachment to the house, you will find someone and when you do your ex may turn from your best friend to a spiteful vindictive witch.
sugerbear said:
If there is no equity tell her to move out and rent it out or else she needs to find a lodger, but really the best thing for you both is to sell.
The attraction of paying the mortgage whils she is getting boned by her new man will wane very quickly. Also you need to remove attachment to the house, you will find someone and when you do your ex may turn from your best friend to a spiteful vindictive witch.
Harsh but entirely true. Move on. The attraction of paying the mortgage whils she is getting boned by her new man will wane very quickly. Also you need to remove attachment to the house, you will find someone and when you do your ex may turn from your best friend to a spiteful vindictive witch.
Ok very honest answers there, appreciate it.
I completely agree with the emotional attachment etc, however I'm sure we'd be set to lose a lot of money if we sold it. I'm not sure it's worth any more than we paid, and it'd cost a fortune in fees to sell, we just don't have the money to sell it even. I also just wondered if it could be a possible investment opportunity for me to make some money.
I completely agree with the emotional attachment etc, however I'm sure we'd be set to lose a lot of money if we sold it. I'm not sure it's worth any more than we paid, and it'd cost a fortune in fees to sell, we just don't have the money to sell it even. I also just wondered if it could be a possible investment opportunity for me to make some money.
k her off and buy yourself somewhere cheaper / smaller. You need to tell her that this situation isn't permanent and agree a date (i.e. three months from now, there is absolutely no reason why it should be any longer) when either you move in and take on sole responsibility or she stays but without your support. whoever stays should pay for the other person to come off the mortgage.
The fact that you like the house and have invested in it is pretty irrelevant when someone else is living there and will be even more irrelevant when she gets a new partner and she or him doesn't want you round anymore. In fact it's worse than irrelevant as you are actually still paying for it.
The fact that you like the house and have invested in it is pretty irrelevant when someone else is living there and will be even more irrelevant when she gets a new partner and she or him doesn't want you round anymore. In fact it's worse than irrelevant as you are actually still paying for it.
cymtriks said:
You need to tell her that this situation isn't permanent and agree a date (i.e. three months from now, there is absolutely no reason why it should be any longer) when either you move in and take on sole responsibility or she stays but without your support. whoever stays should pay for the other person to come off the mortgage.
The fact that you like the house and have invested in it is pretty irrelevant when someone else is living there and will be even more irrelevant when she gets a new partner and she or him doesn't want you round anymore. In fact it's worse than irrelevant as you are actually still paying for it.
I agree entirely, but the OP needs to also ensure that the mortgage payment gets paid every month. As it's a joint mortgage if he stops paying his half and subsequently his ex can't afford to meet the payments, any missed payments will be recored on the OP's credit file. And if he ever wants to buy his own place, then missed mortgage payments are a big no-no irespective of the situation.The fact that you like the house and have invested in it is pretty irrelevant when someone else is living there and will be even more irrelevant when she gets a new partner and she or him doesn't want you round anymore. In fact it's worse than irrelevant as you are actually still paying for it.
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