Classic maintenance howlers
Discussion
It's time to hear your stories, of which I am sure you have plenty, either about yourselves or others. I'll start you off with this one:-
On the 1996 35th anniversary E-type tour of France we had someone who had a problem with the rear discs squealing loudly. We came out of the hotel one morning to find him underneath the car greasing the rear discs.
Over to you..............
On the 1996 35th anniversary E-type tour of France we had someone who had a problem with the rear discs squealing loudly. We came out of the hotel one morning to find him underneath the car greasing the rear discs.
Over to you..............
Edited by lowdrag on Saturday 1st December 16:35
One told to me by my ex employers workshop foreman concerned a female acquaintence of ours. The lady in question had noticed the oil pressure warning light illuminate on her car so stopped at a nearby motor factors and purchased a can of oil. After doing what she thought was necessary she continued down the road when she was halted by what she described as a loud bang from under the bonnet. The car was recovered to the workshops on a low loader whereupon she explained to the foreman that it couldn't possibly be her fault, she'd made sure she'd filled the engine up with oil 'until not another drop would go in...' 
Watching my mate scratch his head while looking for the brake discs behind the wheel of his Alfasud......
for my own error, I used to store waste oil in my old cans. That was, until I managed to refill the TR with the oil I'd taken out 6 months previous, having left the oil to drain out overnight....a dimly lit garage is possibly not the best place to perform such duties
for my own error, I used to store waste oil in my old cans. That was, until I managed to refill the TR with the oil I'd taken out 6 months previous, having left the oil to drain out overnight....a dimly lit garage is possibly not the best place to perform such duties
Doing an oil change on my old Imp, I got distracted somehow. I then forgot about it and continued with my other task of fitting a rev counter. Came to test it and had forgotten to put the dipstick back in - oil everywhere, lost about a third of it IIRC. Didn't seem to do any damage fortunately.
Me and my mate two spotty seventeen year olds with a Mk10 Jag.
We couldn't afford a new silencer so patched the massive hole with gun-gum and pieces of tin. While it all set we held it in place with a flat piece of wood tied on with wire.
Fast forward and we're doing about 90mph on the A1M with all cars flashing their lights at us. Looked behind and there's a huge trail of sparks like a roman candle coming out of the back. We'd forgotten to take off the wood.
A few years later and I'm driving on the M5 from Cornwall in a Rover P4 - same deal but this time clouds of white smoke out of the back.
I'd left the plastic oil botttle under the bonnet after checking the level at the services and it had melted all over the exhaust.
We couldn't afford a new silencer so patched the massive hole with gun-gum and pieces of tin. While it all set we held it in place with a flat piece of wood tied on with wire.
Fast forward and we're doing about 90mph on the A1M with all cars flashing their lights at us. Looked behind and there's a huge trail of sparks like a roman candle coming out of the back. We'd forgotten to take off the wood.
A few years later and I'm driving on the M5 from Cornwall in a Rover P4 - same deal but this time clouds of white smoke out of the back.
I'd left the plastic oil botttle under the bonnet after checking the level at the services and it had melted all over the exhaust.
On the Lomax (my dad)-
I was at work and we arranged that we would go for a drive after. Before setting off he checked the oil, and topped it up a little. Put the Oil cap on the top of the air intake gauze (left it there). Preceded to come and pick me up. About a quarter of the way to pick me up he noticed he was getting a lot of oil splatter on the fly screens/face and a pungent smell.....
Tried to stop... (couldn't) the Lomax (2cv) has in board disks. UH OH. So there he was stranded with my car that was 3 miles from home (ish) me at work 9 miles away and my car needing a full, and i mean FULL engine bay clean up. Fortunately the oil cap was still where he left it, otherwise we'd be buggered (the oil filler was a customised one with a unique lid with the Rubber diaphragm cut out and shortened in place of a fu-fu valve)
I was at work and we arranged that we would go for a drive after. Before setting off he checked the oil, and topped it up a little. Put the Oil cap on the top of the air intake gauze (left it there). Preceded to come and pick me up. About a quarter of the way to pick me up he noticed he was getting a lot of oil splatter on the fly screens/face and a pungent smell.....
Tried to stop... (couldn't) the Lomax (2cv) has in board disks. UH OH. So there he was stranded with my car that was 3 miles from home (ish) me at work 9 miles away and my car needing a full, and i mean FULL engine bay clean up. Fortunately the oil cap was still where he left it, otherwise we'd be buggered (the oil filler was a customised one with a unique lid with the Rubber diaphragm cut out and shortened in place of a fu-fu valve)
In 1974 my friend and I had a 50/50 share in a Humber Sceptre 1600 [Minx in a posh frock]
One summers day we took the head off to decoke it and I tried to check the bores etc, all looked ok but the pistons could be moved around in the bores ! My limited mechanical skills at 16 [rural Scotland, so dodging the law was normal stuff]I decreed that the pistons/bores were worn out, so we sourced a 1725 and fired that in.
Fast forward a few months when an uncle asked if he could have the old 1600 and put it in his Minx. It ran like a charm, it was at this point he announced that it had some sort of split skirt piston as they expanded at a different rate to the bores and needed the clearance.
How true the split skirt is I have no idea but we laughed a lot at having changed the engine.
BUS 614B are you still alive ?
A
One summers day we took the head off to decoke it and I tried to check the bores etc, all looked ok but the pistons could be moved around in the bores ! My limited mechanical skills at 16 [rural Scotland, so dodging the law was normal stuff]I decreed that the pistons/bores were worn out, so we sourced a 1725 and fired that in.
Fast forward a few months when an uncle asked if he could have the old 1600 and put it in his Minx. It ran like a charm, it was at this point he announced that it had some sort of split skirt piston as they expanded at a different rate to the bores and needed the clearance.
How true the split skirt is I have no idea but we laughed a lot at having changed the engine.
BUS 614B are you still alive ?
A
Back in the 80's I decided to give the minilites on my mk1 RS2000 a fresh coat of paint before an RSOC track day at Castle Combe. Took them off, stripped them back to the magnesium, a coat of primer, a couple of coats of silver and left them overnight to dry, job done.
Next morning put my nice shiny wheels on and blasted off down the M4 towards the Severn Bridge. About 10 miles later though I start hearing a low level rumbling going round a right hand bend, first thought it was the bearing, but then got a loud bang, loss of steering and the sight of my nearside front wheel disappearing down the hard shoulder.
Needless to say I'd overlooked the fact that 3 coats of paint between the wheel bolts and wheel means they don't stay tight for very long...
Next morning put my nice shiny wheels on and blasted off down the M4 towards the Severn Bridge. About 10 miles later though I start hearing a low level rumbling going round a right hand bend, first thought it was the bearing, but then got a loud bang, loss of steering and the sight of my nearside front wheel disappearing down the hard shoulder.
Needless to say I'd overlooked the fact that 3 coats of paint between the wheel bolts and wheel means they don't stay tight for very long...
LordBretSinclair said:
Years ago I wanted some spotlights on the front of my Vitesse - drilling the mounting holes with a fair bit of pressure on the electric drill - straight through and straight into the radiator - water everywhere
that's made me nearly drop my breakfast cup of tea...well done LBSI've left the sump plug on my Mini and watched 5litres of Commas finest going down the gutter!
Was at a petrol station once and a lady's Metro wouldn't start, she'd been advised to fill the oil up, and she had, all the way to the rocker box!
My father changed the rear springs on his Singer 9, and in his haste to road test it forgot to do up one of the knock on hub nuts. He was overtaken by an 18" wire wheel, which carried on down the hill to demolish the front bumper on a nearly new Rover 213!
Was at a petrol station once and a lady's Metro wouldn't start, she'd been advised to fill the oil up, and she had, all the way to the rocker box!
My father changed the rear springs on his Singer 9, and in his haste to road test it forgot to do up one of the knock on hub nuts. He was overtaken by an 18" wire wheel, which carried on down the hill to demolish the front bumper on a nearly new Rover 213!
A mate asked me to have a look at his Bedford CA van, he had serviced it the day before but couldn't understand why it took so much oil to fill it up. It turned out that he had removed the oil filler cap and poured about 20 litres of oil into the engine and it still wasn't topped out...
OOh, here's a good one i've just remembered.
My girfriends dad has an Austin A35 he is VERY slowly rebuilding. It was my girl friends mums first car and they have probably owned the car for the best part of 40 years.
We were discussing chokes, and how nobody knew nowadays what they were when he told me this little gem.
He Used to work at Church and Bramhall who were a coach builders and metal fabrication company. One of the office birds there always used to complain that her car was crap in cold weather and never ran right, yet nobody could work out why, as it aways ran fine when they tested it.
Anyways, they got so fed up with her complaints that they decided to out and see what she was doing wrong. Turns out that someone had told her to pull the choke out to get it started in cold weather. Trouble was, she pulled it all the way out and hung her handbag on it while she drove all the way to work, every morning! When she got to work, took her handbag off and pushed the choke back in! Must have given all the blokes who worked there a good ol' chuckle
My girfriends dad has an Austin A35 he is VERY slowly rebuilding. It was my girl friends mums first car and they have probably owned the car for the best part of 40 years.
We were discussing chokes, and how nobody knew nowadays what they were when he told me this little gem.
He Used to work at Church and Bramhall who were a coach builders and metal fabrication company. One of the office birds there always used to complain that her car was crap in cold weather and never ran right, yet nobody could work out why, as it aways ran fine when they tested it.
Anyways, they got so fed up with her complaints that they decided to out and see what she was doing wrong. Turns out that someone had told her to pull the choke out to get it started in cold weather. Trouble was, she pulled it all the way out and hung her handbag on it while she drove all the way to work, every morning! When she got to work, took her handbag off and pushed the choke back in! Must have given all the blokes who worked there a good ol' chuckle
Not sure if a Merc 190E counts as a classic ?
However , about 5 or 6 years ago I was running one as my daily driver and noted that it was losing water . On investigation , it turned out to be the water pump so a new one was duly obtained from the dealership .
Replacement of the water pump entailed removal of the radiator , and the entire job took a couple of hours on a cold , dark winter evening , done on my driveway .
Just about the last thing was to put in a pair of 'U' shaped metal clips which secured the fan cowl to the rear of the radiator ; the first one clipped in without any bother , but the second one was proving most stubborn - so I tapped it with a hammer and in it went . On running the engine up to temperature there was coolant being sprayed everywhere off the fan . Eventually , I discovered that the 'U' clips were of unequal length on each side : I had put the second one in the wrong way round and , by hammering it in , had punctured the plastic header tank at the top of the radiator .
Thankfully , the hole was a small slit a couple of mm wide by about 15mm long , so I mixed up some Araldite and used it to seal the hole temporarily - only I never got round to replacing the radiator and it was still fine when I sold the car three or four years later
However , about 5 or 6 years ago I was running one as my daily driver and noted that it was losing water . On investigation , it turned out to be the water pump so a new one was duly obtained from the dealership .
Replacement of the water pump entailed removal of the radiator , and the entire job took a couple of hours on a cold , dark winter evening , done on my driveway .
Just about the last thing was to put in a pair of 'U' shaped metal clips which secured the fan cowl to the rear of the radiator ; the first one clipped in without any bother , but the second one was proving most stubborn - so I tapped it with a hammer and in it went . On running the engine up to temperature there was coolant being sprayed everywhere off the fan . Eventually , I discovered that the 'U' clips were of unequal length on each side : I had put the second one in the wrong way round and , by hammering it in , had punctured the plastic header tank at the top of the radiator .
Thankfully , the hole was a small slit a couple of mm wide by about 15mm long , so I mixed up some Araldite and used it to seal the hole temporarily - only I never got round to replacing the radiator and it was still fine when I sold the car three or four years later
LordBretSinclair said:
Slightly off topic but the last post has reminded me of the obligatory piece of equipment required in classic cars - a clothes peg to keep the choke out at the right position 
The little rod that goes up to the interior mirror mount on a Midget is the ideal place to keep the peg when your not running on choke.Hooli said:
The little rod that goes up to the interior mirror mount on a Midget is the ideal place to keep the peg when your not running on choke.
Ingenious. All of the old British cars I've ever had came with a bulldog clip for the purpose - I'd assumed it was a dealer fit accessory...
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