Residential care for an elderly relative (Norwich area)
Discussion
I have been looking out for my Great Aunt, who is now 96, for many years. She was
always a fiercely indpendent lady, resisting any kind of assistance until she
reached her nineties, very much wanting to stay in her own home. However, as she
became increasing frail, I organised for carers to visit her three times a day.
After a few weeks, she went from being a bit disgruntled about having the carers
visit her, to phoning me up and telling me that they hadn't turned up yet, if
they were running slightly late, so she obviously got used to the extra help and
company pretty quickly!
That arrangement has served us well over the last few years, but during that
time she has become increasingly forgetful and confused. It has now reached the
stage where she often takes a while to remember who I am, doesn't remember who
has visited her and is losing all concept of what time of day or night it is.
This is leading to her pressing her panic alarm and calling me out in the small
hours of the morning several times a week, just because she is lonely and wants a chat and to be honest, I'm exhausted.
More worryingly, she has taken to leaving her house and knocking on her
neighbours doors at all different times of day and night. When we had the cold
snap last week, she went out at 10pm in her nightie, left her door wide open and
knocked on the neighbour's door, who obviously called me straight away as it was
minus 2 degrees!
I always promised her that I would do everything that I could to keep her in her
own home, which is what she wanted, but I now fear for her personal safety and
think it's time to look at residential care as an alternative. Although it is
something she has always resisted, I know that a bit like when I introduced the
carers, it is likely to be something she gets used to and would enjoy having
people around her constantly as she has now started to get quite frightened
sometimes when alone. It would be funded privately, as she still has enough of her savings left to be above the threshold where she would get financial assistance and she owns her own home.
To be perfectly honest, I don't know where to start. I don't even know how much this is likely to cost, although we have been spending several hundred pounds a week for years on the carers visits.
Any advice from anybody who has been through a similar situation with a relative
would be much appreciated and obviously anyone who has had any good experiences
(or bad if you want to PM me a warning!) of residential care in and around
Norwich that they are able to share with me would be really helpful.
I hoped I'd never have to deal with this situation, but as her closest relative,
the buck stops with me to make sure she stays safe.
Thanks for reading my rather long winded post! I hope a few of you might be able to help.
always a fiercely indpendent lady, resisting any kind of assistance until she
reached her nineties, very much wanting to stay in her own home. However, as she
became increasing frail, I organised for carers to visit her three times a day.
After a few weeks, she went from being a bit disgruntled about having the carers
visit her, to phoning me up and telling me that they hadn't turned up yet, if
they were running slightly late, so she obviously got used to the extra help and
company pretty quickly!
That arrangement has served us well over the last few years, but during that
time she has become increasingly forgetful and confused. It has now reached the
stage where she often takes a while to remember who I am, doesn't remember who
has visited her and is losing all concept of what time of day or night it is.
This is leading to her pressing her panic alarm and calling me out in the small
hours of the morning several times a week, just because she is lonely and wants a chat and to be honest, I'm exhausted.
More worryingly, she has taken to leaving her house and knocking on her
neighbours doors at all different times of day and night. When we had the cold
snap last week, she went out at 10pm in her nightie, left her door wide open and
knocked on the neighbour's door, who obviously called me straight away as it was
minus 2 degrees!
I always promised her that I would do everything that I could to keep her in her
own home, which is what she wanted, but I now fear for her personal safety and
think it's time to look at residential care as an alternative. Although it is
something she has always resisted, I know that a bit like when I introduced the
carers, it is likely to be something she gets used to and would enjoy having
people around her constantly as she has now started to get quite frightened
sometimes when alone. It would be funded privately, as she still has enough of her savings left to be above the threshold where she would get financial assistance and she owns her own home.
To be perfectly honest, I don't know where to start. I don't even know how much this is likely to cost, although we have been spending several hundred pounds a week for years on the carers visits.
Any advice from anybody who has been through a similar situation with a relative
would be much appreciated and obviously anyone who has had any good experiences
(or bad if you want to PM me a warning!) of residential care in and around
Norwich that they are able to share with me would be really helpful.
I hoped I'd never have to deal with this situation, but as her closest relative,
the buck stops with me to make sure she stays safe.
Thanks for reading my rather long winded post! I hope a few of you might be able to help.
My situation is almost identical - a violently independent 94 yr old aunt.
After a while the 3 times a day career visits weren't enough and she'd fall at night and hit her panic button.....I was there almost EVERY night at 2/3am!
Your best bet is ignore what promise you made about where she'd live out her life and get her somewhere SAFE. Talk to the local authority, in Reading (wokingham) they were great and, even though she has just enough to pay herself, they sorted out a council owned flat in a complex with 24/7 staff - who can also be paid to do the 3 times a day visit. She now cant leave the building and wander the streets and gets to see other people every day.
She also hates it - but she's safe. She's in far better health as they make sure she eats every day and she doesnt have to worry about the heating, etc.
In many ways its horrible - she has no phone as she would just abuse it (as she did before) and call people all the time (anyone for chat - 999, relatives....she left me 67 voice mails one day! And whenever I see her she tells me she hates it and wants to be somewhere else (or dead!) - TBH, she's a good example of people being given more control over when they check out....this place will keep her going for a good few more years, and she'd rather they didnt.
Anyway - call the council. They may not pay, but they are very used to helping people.
After a while the 3 times a day career visits weren't enough and she'd fall at night and hit her panic button.....I was there almost EVERY night at 2/3am!
Your best bet is ignore what promise you made about where she'd live out her life and get her somewhere SAFE. Talk to the local authority, in Reading (wokingham) they were great and, even though she has just enough to pay herself, they sorted out a council owned flat in a complex with 24/7 staff - who can also be paid to do the 3 times a day visit. She now cant leave the building and wander the streets and gets to see other people every day.
She also hates it - but she's safe. She's in far better health as they make sure she eats every day and she doesnt have to worry about the heating, etc.
In many ways its horrible - she has no phone as she would just abuse it (as she did before) and call people all the time (anyone for chat - 999, relatives....she left me 67 voice mails one day! And whenever I see her she tells me she hates it and wants to be somewhere else (or dead!) - TBH, she's a good example of people being given more control over when they check out....this place will keep her going for a good few more years, and she'd rather they didnt.
Anyway - call the council. They may not pay, but they are very used to helping people.
Laurel Lodge, 19 Ipswich Road, Norwich
I cannot personally recommend this place as I fortunately have not had any elderly relatived needing care yet (grandparents in their 90's - so may may need to a some stage), but my Aunt worked there before retirement and my cousin currently works there. In our family we are very family orientated so I cannot believe my cousin would continue working there if she wasn't happy with clients' conditions/care. When I lived in Norwich I did visit Laurel Lodge a few times and everyone always seemed happy and well cared for.
I hope someone can help you further amd you get your Aunt the care you both need.
I cannot personally recommend this place as I fortunately have not had any elderly relatived needing care yet (grandparents in their 90's - so may may need to a some stage), but my Aunt worked there before retirement and my cousin currently works there. In our family we are very family orientated so I cannot believe my cousin would continue working there if she wasn't happy with clients' conditions/care. When I lived in Norwich I did visit Laurel Lodge a few times and everyone always seemed happy and well cared for.
I hope someone can help you further amd you get your Aunt the care you both need.
Having recently gone through the transition from own home to care home with my father,I can assure you that there is no 'right'answer,only a 'less wrong' one.If you make the care home decision,remember that it is for the benefit of the elderly
relative.Be prepared to feel guilt on a daily basis but temper that with the fact that there is 24/7 care available and hence your decision is the correct one.
If your aunt's assets exceed £22250 you will have to pay the whole fees unless you can claim that she needs nursing care and persuade the LA to pay.In our case that was approx £25k per annum with no contribution.
Ultimately this is a case of 'managed decline'
Wishing you well at a difficult time.
relative.Be prepared to feel guilt on a daily basis but temper that with the fact that there is 24/7 care available and hence your decision is the correct one.
If your aunt's assets exceed £22250 you will have to pay the whole fees unless you can claim that she needs nursing care and persuade the LA to pay.In our case that was approx £25k per annum with no contribution.
Ultimately this is a case of 'managed decline'
Wishing you well at a difficult time.
AMLK said:
I hope someone can help you further amd you get your Aunt the care you BOTH need.
This is the important bit! You could first try her / your GP before Social Services (or whatever they are called these days / in your area) but Social Services (in Dorset) publish a book which includes all residential homes but seeking a recommended one will probably be down to yourself / your instincts or helpful posters, as AMLK above.
Similar for us - 98yr old fully independent old lady who had a fall, broke her hip and then went downhill fairly rapidly.
Slightly different financial circumstances as she owned her own home but only had a few £K savings (so under the various thresholds for means testing / benefits etc) and a total income of about £1000/mth.
You’re through the initial stage but the local council social worker who picked up her case was absolutely brilliant, organising domestic care which she had to pay a marginal amount towards, modifications to the house (free) and a monitored lifeline service, which I’m certain she should have been paying for, but never did. If it was triggered, the council sent wardens out to do a check. IIRC there’s some kind of additional Government funding targeted at over 80’s, but this may have been dependant on area.
They organised Attendance Allowance (AA) for her, which was a useful extra £70/wk.
Once staying at home became impossible they worked with us to find a place in a very nice care home (you'll find it's not easy to get into the better ones!).
Doing it through the council means you pay the rate they negotiate rather than the rate the home charges private residents. Some charge the same to both though, and in others, if you do it through the council you (YOU) have to pay the difference – the old person can’t fund it themselves. In our case it would have also meant that if her money ran out before the house was sold, the council would pay the full cost and put a charge on the house. I know there are other ways of doing this, but in our case it was complicated as we aren’t family and her (remote) family were circling.
I forget the exact details but the AA continues once in the home so her income was around £320/wk which, less a small amount, all gets taken, so the additional weekly cost of the care home was around £100/wk – not as scary as looking at the raw annual cost of £20K+.
Slightly different financial circumstances as she owned her own home but only had a few £K savings (so under the various thresholds for means testing / benefits etc) and a total income of about £1000/mth.
You’re through the initial stage but the local council social worker who picked up her case was absolutely brilliant, organising domestic care which she had to pay a marginal amount towards, modifications to the house (free) and a monitored lifeline service, which I’m certain she should have been paying for, but never did. If it was triggered, the council sent wardens out to do a check. IIRC there’s some kind of additional Government funding targeted at over 80’s, but this may have been dependant on area.
They organised Attendance Allowance (AA) for her, which was a useful extra £70/wk.
Once staying at home became impossible they worked with us to find a place in a very nice care home (you'll find it's not easy to get into the better ones!).
Doing it through the council means you pay the rate they negotiate rather than the rate the home charges private residents. Some charge the same to both though, and in others, if you do it through the council you (YOU) have to pay the difference – the old person can’t fund it themselves. In our case it would have also meant that if her money ran out before the house was sold, the council would pay the full cost and put a charge on the house. I know there are other ways of doing this, but in our case it was complicated as we aren’t family and her (remote) family were circling.
I forget the exact details but the AA continues once in the home so her income was around £320/wk which, less a small amount, all gets taken, so the additional weekly cost of the care home was around £100/wk – not as scary as looking at the raw annual cost of £20K+.
Silver said:
I can't comment on homes in the local area, but MiL is a consultant who inspects care homes for the elderly and has done for about 20 years. I'd be happy to ask her for some general tips/guidance if you like?
no1 test -the 'walk up' test -does the building look cared for no2 test 'the sniff test' what is the smell that hits you as you walk in the doors
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