Discussion
Oh well, I ;ve done it anyway.
Posh and Becks
Posh and Becks are sitting in front of the television watching the six o'clock news. The main story is a man threatening to jump off the Clifton Suspension Bridge.
Posh turns to Becks and says: "David, I bet you £35,000 that he jumps!" to which Beckham replies "£35,000? Done! I bet that he doesn't."
So they shake hands on the bet and continue watching. Sure enough, the man jumps and hits the road below with a loud thud. Beckham takes £35,000 out of his back pocket and hands it to Posh but she refuses.
"I can't take your money, David," she says. "The truth is, I was cheating. I saw the five o'clock news, so I knew he was going to jump."
"No, babe, fair's fair" says David. "That money is yours fair and square. I was cheating just as you were. I saw the five o'clock news, too. I just didn't think he would do it again.
------------------
David Beckham goes shopping, and sees something interesting in the kitchen department of a large department store.
"What's that?" he asks.
"A Thermos flask," replies the assistant.
"What does it do?" asks Becks.
The assistant tells him it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold. Really impressed, Beckham buys one and takes it along to his next training session.
"Here, boys, look at this," Beckham says proudly. "It's a Thermos flask."
The lads are impressed. "What does it do?" they ask.
"It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold,"says David.
And what have you got in it?" asks Roy Keane.
"Two cups of coffee and a choc ice," replies David.
------------------
David Beckham is celebrating: "57 days, 57 days!" he shouts happily.
Posh asks him why he is celebrating.
He answers: "Well, I've done this jigsaw in only 57 days."
"Is that good?" asks Posh.
"You bet," says David. "It says 3 to 5 years on the box."
------------------
Victoria Beckham and her driver were cruising along a country road
one evening when a cow ran in front of the car. The driver tried to avoid
it but couldn't - the cow was killed.
Posh told her driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what happened.
About an hour later, the driver staggered back to the car. He was holding a bottle of wine in one hand, a cigar in the other.
"What happened?" asked Posh
"Well," the driver replied, "the farmer gave me the wine, his wife gave me the cigar."
"My God, what did you tell them?" asked Posh.
The driver replied: "I'm Victoria Beckham's driver, and I just killed the cow!"
andygo said:
Victoria Beckham and her driver were cruising along a country road
one evening when a cow ran in front of the car. The driver tried to avoid
it but couldn't - the cow was killed.
Posh told her driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what happened.
About an hour later, the driver staggered back to the car. He was holding a bottle of wine in one hand, a cigar in the other.
"What happened?" asked Posh
"Well," the driver replied, "the farmer gave me the wine, his wife gave me the cigar."
"My God, what did you tell them?" asked Posh.
The driver replied: "I'm Victoria Beckham's driver, and I just killed the cow!"
victoria wants to buy a microwave.so she goes in to curry's and asks the sakesman,"how much for that microwave?" the salesman replies,"we don't sell microwaves to thick beckhams"
so the next day she dyes her hair red,dresses in disguise,and goes in and asks the same question.
the salesman says,"we don't sell microwaves to beckhams".
so the next day she puts on a bowler hat,suit,wig and false beard and goes and asks the same question. the salesman replies the same way. posh then asks how he knows she is victoria beckham?
the man says,"that isn't a microwave its a tv!"
so the next day she dyes her hair red,dresses in disguise,and goes in and asks the same question.
the salesman says,"we don't sell microwaves to beckhams".
so the next day she puts on a bowler hat,suit,wig and false beard and goes and asks the same question. the salesman replies the same way. posh then asks how he knows she is victoria beckham?
the man says,"that isn't a microwave its a tv!"
supraman2954 said:
Or what about the dislexic, agnostic insomniac.
He lay awake all night wondering if there was a Dog!!
What sick so and so thought it would be funny to make the word dyslexic so difficult to spell.... would you agree IOLAIRE?
I think you'll find he was dislicksik old son!
Back in the Swinging Sixties, Michael Caine is holding a big
showbiz party in his swanky new house.
Everyone who's anyone is there - top stars from the worlds of
movies and music, fashion and art.
There's the best wines that money can buy, oysters, champagne,
Lennon and McCartney are helping themselves at the bar,
Jim Morrison and his band are sitting on the couch singing "Light My
Fire",
and over in the corner, George Peppard's getting very pally with Sophia
Loren.
All's going really well, until Jim Morrison decides he's bored out
of his skull, and wants to go home for an early night curled up with a
good book.
"Oi, Jim," objects Michael Caine, "party's just got started. How's
about I get one of 'the ladies' to take you into the spare bedroom for a
bit of the 'how's yer father?'"
"Fair play," nods Jim [well that's not his exact words, but you get
the gist], "as long as she does the rest of the band too."
"Not a problem, Jim," smiles Michael, as he pulls a young dolly
bird in close and whispers some instructions in her ear.
Half an hour later, the young lass is just wiping her chin, when in
walks Ringo Starr from the Beatles.
"Alright, luv?" he drones, "don't suppose you fancy extending that
service to me, do you?"
The young woman thinks about this for a second, then says "What the
hell!" and proceeds to unzip Ringo's fly and get to work.
Ringo's having a grand time, until, mere moments before the end,
the door flies open and Michael Caine bursts in. He grabs the young one by
the back of the hair and Slaps her hard across the face!
"Wh-what was that for?" she whimpers.
"I told you," Caine snarls.
(you're gonna love this)
(wait for it)
"You're only supposed to blow the bloody Doors off..."
showbiz party in his swanky new house.
Everyone who's anyone is there - top stars from the worlds of
movies and music, fashion and art.
There's the best wines that money can buy, oysters, champagne,
Lennon and McCartney are helping themselves at the bar,
Jim Morrison and his band are sitting on the couch singing "Light My
Fire",
and over in the corner, George Peppard's getting very pally with Sophia
Loren.
All's going really well, until Jim Morrison decides he's bored out
of his skull, and wants to go home for an early night curled up with a
good book.
"Oi, Jim," objects Michael Caine, "party's just got started. How's
about I get one of 'the ladies' to take you into the spare bedroom for a
bit of the 'how's yer father?'"
"Fair play," nods Jim [well that's not his exact words, but you get
the gist], "as long as she does the rest of the band too."
"Not a problem, Jim," smiles Michael, as he pulls a young dolly
bird in close and whispers some instructions in her ear.
Half an hour later, the young lass is just wiping her chin, when in
walks Ringo Starr from the Beatles.
"Alright, luv?" he drones, "don't suppose you fancy extending that
service to me, do you?"
The young woman thinks about this for a second, then says "What the
hell!" and proceeds to unzip Ringo's fly and get to work.
Ringo's having a grand time, until, mere moments before the end,
the door flies open and Michael Caine bursts in. He grabs the young one by
the back of the hair and Slaps her hard across the face!
"Wh-what was that for?" she whimpers.
"I told you," Caine snarls.
(you're gonna love this)
(wait for it)
"You're only supposed to blow the bloody Doors off..."
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