Something to amuse! BIBs might take note.
Discussion
Hi
Long time lurker making his first post here. Drinks are on me!
I'm a car driver
AND a biker 
. I've read the posts on this board for some time now and I'd like to say thanks to all for loads of interesting topics and many hours of pleasure in reading them.
A small contribution (for anyone who has not seen them before) are these notes of "guidance" to help our BIBs do their job better!
(I hope it's OK to post this type of humour list. Otherwise, sorry and I won't do it again - ever!
)
SUBJECT: Who says cops don't have a sense of humor?
Taken from actual police car videos around the USA.
"Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile."
"Take your hands off the car and I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."
"If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
"Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second? In case you didn't know, that is the average speed of a 9 mm bullet fired from my gun."
"So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"
"Yes, Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh ... Did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"
"Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."
"The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"
"Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey poop."
"Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."
"In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."
"Just how big were those two beers?"
"No sir we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."
"I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail."
"You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."
Long time lurker making his first post here. Drinks are on me!
I'm a car driver
AND a biker . I've read the posts on this board for some time now and I'd like to say thanks to all for loads of interesting topics and many hours of pleasure in reading them. A small contribution (for anyone who has not seen them before) are these notes of "guidance" to help our BIBs do their job better!
(I hope it's OK to post this type of humour list. Otherwise, sorry and I won't do it again - ever!
) SUBJECT: Who says cops don't have a sense of humor?
Taken from actual police car videos around the USA.
"Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile."
"Take your hands off the car and I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."
"If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
"Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second? In case you didn't know, that is the average speed of a 9 mm bullet fired from my gun."
"So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"
"Yes, Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh ... Did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"
"Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."
"The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"
"Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey poop."
"Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."
"In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."
"Just how big were those two beers?"
"No sir we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."
"I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail."
"You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."
BikeRider said:
"Take your hands off the car and I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."
absolute genius
Hi Bike rider
blademan said:
Thanks a lot for the warm welcomes.
I'll try to contribute here, and in Bike Banter, when I believe I have something useful or interesting to say.
Try telling that to Streetcop
( only joking Gary)
hahahahah
mungo said:
This reminds me of a Sat night shift a few weeks back...
I was stood with my tutor constable (who I no longer have, just been signed off independant) outside a hotspot by two popular bars and this really ugly woman goes "What would you do if I pinched your bum", I said "I would arrest you for sexual assault", she goes "Really?" and I said "Yeah", she went "Really, seriously?" she was looking really upset by now, then she said "PLEASE!".... So I just said "No, please go away and leave my bum alone"
She looked genuinely upset
mungo.
Classic. Gem. Reference standard reply
excellent 
mungo said:Mungo refuses female's advances shocker!
This reminds me of a Sat night shift a few weeks back...
I was stood with my tutor constable (who I no longer have, just been signed off independant
She looked genuinely upset
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