Lack of ambition / depression?
Discussion
Long time poster but i'm finding it easier to post this anonymously sorry!
I'll try not to come across as a total w
ker writing this and apologies as my story telling isn't the best! Where to start.
Some background - I'm in my early 30's and have recently been offered an opportunity to go for a promotion at work (accountancy based) which would mean heading up a large team of qualified accountancy staff at a large organisation. I've only recently had a promotion to a fairly senior level, albeit at a technical remit with no strategic responsibility. Senior management seem keen on me based on the fact I've always delivered good results and met deadlines.
The problem is this - I feel like I have no interest whatsoever in the job i'm doing. In fact I would go as far as to say I have blagged my way through the job since I started as a trainee from Uni by just keeping my head down and saying the right things. I don't consider myself good at my job in any way but I just seem to be able to "get things done". As a qualified accountant I'm guessing I should enjoy crunching numbers and reading up on new guidance etc., but I don't. I have found myself delegating more and more to staff while I just answer e-mails and check staff are meeting deadlines. In meetings I find myself disinterested and struggle to contribute in conversations. I have always found working with numbers easy (but far from a mathematician) which is why I guess I just fell into this job. The problem is, surely i'm far too invested in my field of work to do anything else? The only other thing I've been good at is sport but it won't be a career.
However I think the problem is more deep rooted than possibly just being in the wrong line of work. There is a history of depression in my family and until now I have just thought it affected other people. I'm wondering if my lack of interest not only in work, but in life in general is down to some kind of depression. I have no financial worries, nothing particularly bad has happened to me in life but I find myself struggling to get motivated to do anything (things I used to enjoy - playing sport, exercise, going out with friends). I find myself becoming more and more isolated from people and from the things I used to enjoy - but I almost like it that way for some bizarre reason. Working from home a lot has certainly not helped me as I find myself stuck in the house all day on my own and I'm not productive at all.
The added issue is the fact i'm due to get married later this year. Just how do I say "sorry darling, I know it's supposed to be the happiest time of our lives, but I think i'm depressed and need to see a doctor". I don't really have close friends who I could talk to about this, and to them i'm sure my life looks great from the outside.
The only other thing I can think of which may be related is that there is a history of underactive thyroid problems in my family and I know my father had quite a tough time back in his 40's when it went undiagnosed for a long time and he suffered from weight gain, lack of motivation, depression etc. I'm wondering if I may have a similar issue. I don't feel as if I have a lack of energy though, more a general apathy for anything
Sorry for the mind dump everyone, I hope it isn't too hard to read. Not sure what i'm hoping to gain from posting it but I certainly feel better just for writing it anyway.
I'll try not to come across as a total w
ker writing this and apologies as my story telling isn't the best! Where to start.Some background - I'm in my early 30's and have recently been offered an opportunity to go for a promotion at work (accountancy based) which would mean heading up a large team of qualified accountancy staff at a large organisation. I've only recently had a promotion to a fairly senior level, albeit at a technical remit with no strategic responsibility. Senior management seem keen on me based on the fact I've always delivered good results and met deadlines.
The problem is this - I feel like I have no interest whatsoever in the job i'm doing. In fact I would go as far as to say I have blagged my way through the job since I started as a trainee from Uni by just keeping my head down and saying the right things. I don't consider myself good at my job in any way but I just seem to be able to "get things done". As a qualified accountant I'm guessing I should enjoy crunching numbers and reading up on new guidance etc., but I don't. I have found myself delegating more and more to staff while I just answer e-mails and check staff are meeting deadlines. In meetings I find myself disinterested and struggle to contribute in conversations. I have always found working with numbers easy (but far from a mathematician) which is why I guess I just fell into this job. The problem is, surely i'm far too invested in my field of work to do anything else? The only other thing I've been good at is sport but it won't be a career.
However I think the problem is more deep rooted than possibly just being in the wrong line of work. There is a history of depression in my family and until now I have just thought it affected other people. I'm wondering if my lack of interest not only in work, but in life in general is down to some kind of depression. I have no financial worries, nothing particularly bad has happened to me in life but I find myself struggling to get motivated to do anything (things I used to enjoy - playing sport, exercise, going out with friends). I find myself becoming more and more isolated from people and from the things I used to enjoy - but I almost like it that way for some bizarre reason. Working from home a lot has certainly not helped me as I find myself stuck in the house all day on my own and I'm not productive at all.
The added issue is the fact i'm due to get married later this year. Just how do I say "sorry darling, I know it's supposed to be the happiest time of our lives, but I think i'm depressed and need to see a doctor". I don't really have close friends who I could talk to about this, and to them i'm sure my life looks great from the outside.
The only other thing I can think of which may be related is that there is a history of underactive thyroid problems in my family and I know my father had quite a tough time back in his 40's when it went undiagnosed for a long time and he suffered from weight gain, lack of motivation, depression etc. I'm wondering if I may have a similar issue. I don't feel as if I have a lack of energy though, more a general apathy for anything
Sorry for the mind dump everyone, I hope it isn't too hard to read. Not sure what i'm hoping to gain from posting it but I certainly feel better just for writing it anyway.
Hi OP, I can relate to what you're saying there. I've just jacked in a very well paid contract because I basically couldn't get sufficient enthusiasm up for the role.
I'm a bit older, mid-40s, but can recognise much of what you say. My 'career' has mainly been a steady progression up the responsibility/money ladder with each contract, but I wouldn't say I've ever really been engaged with any of the roles. Very occasionally there have been fun times when working hard with a good group of people towards a common goal, but usually it's just drudge.
But then, even at 40+ I still don't know what I want to do for a career, so in the meantime I just do whatever pays the bills.
I get the impression you are in much the same boat. Obviously capable, otherwise you wouldn't get given the responsibilities, but basically dis-interested in what your doing. Bored.
I doubt it's depression and/or thyroid, I think you're just terminally bored with the work, and to be fair as an accountant I'm not surprised!
What outside of work activites do you have? I've tended to keep myself mentally alive by modernising and developing the houses I've lived in. I love doing that, but it doesn't pay the money like a decent contract can.
Maybe you need something like that that you can get your teeth into and let the boring work stuff become less important to your own mental well being?
Is this a common first world problem?
I'm a bit older, mid-40s, but can recognise much of what you say. My 'career' has mainly been a steady progression up the responsibility/money ladder with each contract, but I wouldn't say I've ever really been engaged with any of the roles. Very occasionally there have been fun times when working hard with a good group of people towards a common goal, but usually it's just drudge.
But then, even at 40+ I still don't know what I want to do for a career, so in the meantime I just do whatever pays the bills.
I get the impression you are in much the same boat. Obviously capable, otherwise you wouldn't get given the responsibilities, but basically dis-interested in what your doing. Bored.
I doubt it's depression and/or thyroid, I think you're just terminally bored with the work, and to be fair as an accountant I'm not surprised!
What outside of work activites do you have? I've tended to keep myself mentally alive by modernising and developing the houses I've lived in. I love doing that, but it doesn't pay the money like a decent contract can.
Maybe you need something like that that you can get your teeth into and let the boring work stuff become less important to your own mental well being?
Is this a common first world problem?
Some observations that may be of help:
A chat with your Doctor may not go a miss, if only put your mind at rest.
You say you like sport, look to get involved with some charity sport group - offer to do their books for free. Doing something like this can help to give you a new, more positive perspective on things.
One last thing...would you consider yourself a 'creative' person?
Either way...good luck!
Krugerrand said:
In fact I would go as far as to say I have blagged my way through the job since I started as a trainee from Uni by just keeping my head down and saying the right things. I don't consider myself good at my job in any way but I just seem to be able to "get things done"
There's only so much that blagging can achieve. In a profession such as yours, the promotion and position you have attained will be because you are good at your job.....very good in fact. Chances are that nobody has actually told you this.Krugerrand said:
The problem is, surely i'm far too invested in my field of work to do anything else? The only other thing I've been good at is sport but it won't be a career.
Plenty of people shift career course throughout their lives. It's never too late to do anything new.Krugerrand said:
I find myself becoming more and more isolated from people and from the things I used to enjoy - but I almost like it that way for some bizarre reason. Working from home a lot has certainly not helped me as I find myself stuck in the house all day on my own and I'm not productive at all.
An important and often overlooked benefit of work is the intellectual stimulation you get from engaging with like-minded people for 8 hours each day. Removing yourself from this experience can de-train the brain to the point where it sort of forgets how to interact and absorb other people and experiences. This doesn't affect everyone - some thrive on solitude working - but others need the stimulation of other people.Krugerrand said:
The added issue is the fact i'm due to get married later this year
This is massive change in your life - hopefully for the good - but a change none the less. Even if it's not overly apparent, you may well have the collywobbles at the thought of this which may be affecting your outlook on things.A chat with your Doctor may not go a miss, if only put your mind at rest.
You say you like sport, look to get involved with some charity sport group - offer to do their books for free. Doing something like this can help to give you a new, more positive perspective on things.
One last thing...would you consider yourself a 'creative' person?
Either way...good luck!
Thanks for the comments so far guys.
Piersman - I think you are correct in saying I'm bored with work. I've haven't taken an interest in it for at least a couple of years and I find myself becoming aggravated by the people around me who seem to have so much enthusiasm for their work.
In terms of other interests I played rugby to a decent standard but had to give up through injury so ended up playing golf. I gave up my membership a few years back though, mainly through a lack of playing, although most of my friends still play. I did enjoy renovating our house so would look forward to doing another project like that.
Stevie - I would consider myself as far away from being creative as is possible. I struggle to have an opinion of my own on any subject and in others company find myself asking questions and listening. For that reason I think I'm perceived as being quite shy and unapproachable.
Your point about working from home strikes a cord with me, especially the bit about interacting with others. I think I will make an effort in the short term to get into the office more.
The big issue for me presently I guess is whether to apply for the job. I certainly feel part of the reluctance is due to a feeling I would not be good enough to do it, especially when looking at other candidates who are obviously more enthusiastic about the job and enjoy it more.
Best thing I did last year was stop working remotely. It wasnt good for me being so isolated, there was a point over the 8 years WFH that I didnt leave the house for 9 days and ended up with cabin fever. I did it to see how long it was possible to go (and ordered home delivery from Tesco). The girl I was seeing at the time wanted to come in and veg after her day, I wanted to go out to get a change of scenery.
It really helped to get out at lunchtime, spend an hour or two working from Costa. And go see some customers. When I had the chance to work out of an office I went for it. Politics and petty bullst aside, it was the right thing for me.
I think if you start there it might address a few things in terms of motivation, and might give you some clarity on whether you're motivated to do the job you're doing. You can always change it if it's not the one for you, financial responsibilities can be lowered or put on hold.
Some people are more cynical and negative, that's just their outlook on life (I'm one of them, it comes from conditioning at work around whatifs) - it might help to work out what type of person you are (I'm an ISTP). Try a Myers Briggs test, that'll let you know whether you're the sort of person who's going to be a good manager or not. Take with a pinch of salt though
Depression can sometimes be fleeting, a short spell that you go through and come out the other side. It can be something that hangs over you, or comes back later in life. It often comes with anxiety beneath it, that stomach churning nausea and feeling that you need to leg it. Your GP will be able to help, private psychotherapy (sounds more serious than it is) is also available and affordable if you want to talk through things with someone who'll be able to understand and challenge your viewpoints if needed.
Good luck
It really helped to get out at lunchtime, spend an hour or two working from Costa. And go see some customers. When I had the chance to work out of an office I went for it. Politics and petty bulls
t aside, it was the right thing for me.I think if you start there it might address a few things in terms of motivation, and might give you some clarity on whether you're motivated to do the job you're doing. You can always change it if it's not the one for you, financial responsibilities can be lowered or put on hold.
Some people are more cynical and negative, that's just their outlook on life (I'm one of them, it comes from conditioning at work around whatifs) - it might help to work out what type of person you are (I'm an ISTP). Try a Myers Briggs test, that'll let you know whether you're the sort of person who's going to be a good manager or not. Take with a pinch of salt though
Depression can sometimes be fleeting, a short spell that you go through and come out the other side. It can be something that hangs over you, or comes back later in life. It often comes with anxiety beneath it, that stomach churning nausea and feeling that you need to leg it. Your GP will be able to help, private psychotherapy (sounds more serious than it is) is also available and affordable if you want to talk through things with someone who'll be able to understand and challenge your viewpoints if needed.
Good luck
andy-xr said:
Best thing I did last year was stop working remotely. It wasnt good for me being so isolated, there was a point over the 8 years WFH that I didnt leave the house for 9 days and ended up with cabin fever. I did it to see how long it was possible to go (and ordered home delivery from Tesco). The girl I was seeing at the time wanted to come in and veg after her day, I wanted to go out to get a change of scenery.
It really helped to get out at lunchtime, spend an hour or two working from Costa. And go see some customers. When I had the chance to work out of an office I went for it. Politics and petty bullst aside, it was the right thing for me.
I think if you start there it might address a few things in terms of motivation, and might give you some clarity on whether you're motivated to do the job you're doing. You can always change it if it's not the one for you, financial responsibilities can be lowered or put on hold.
Some people are more cynical and negative, that's just their outlook on life (I'm one of them, it comes from conditioning at work around whatifs) - it might help to work out what type of person you are (I'm an ISTP). Try a Myers Briggs test, that'll let you know whether you're the sort of person who's going to be a good manager or not. Take with a pinch of salt though
Depression can sometimes be fleeting, a short spell that you go through and come out the other side. It can be something that hangs over you, or comes back later in life. It often comes with anxiety beneath it, that stomach churning nausea and feeling that you need to leg it. Your GP will be able to help, private psychotherapy (sounds more serious than it is) is also available and affordable if you want to talk through things with someone who'll be able to understand and challenge your viewpoints if needed.
Good luck
Thanks. I know i'm certainly more productive in the office rather than out - I went 5 days working from home last year and felt like Robinson Crusoe at the end of it. The issue being the company decided to reduce accommodation costs and invest heavily in IT and now has 4 desks for every 10 employees It really helped to get out at lunchtime, spend an hour or two working from Costa. And go see some customers. When I had the chance to work out of an office I went for it. Politics and petty bulls
t aside, it was the right thing for me.I think if you start there it might address a few things in terms of motivation, and might give you some clarity on whether you're motivated to do the job you're doing. You can always change it if it's not the one for you, financial responsibilities can be lowered or put on hold.
Some people are more cynical and negative, that's just their outlook on life (I'm one of them, it comes from conditioning at work around whatifs) - it might help to work out what type of person you are (I'm an ISTP). Try a Myers Briggs test, that'll let you know whether you're the sort of person who's going to be a good manager or not. Take with a pinch of salt though
Depression can sometimes be fleeting, a short spell that you go through and come out the other side. It can be something that hangs over you, or comes back later in life. It often comes with anxiety beneath it, that stomach churning nausea and feeling that you need to leg it. Your GP will be able to help, private psychotherapy (sounds more serious than it is) is also available and affordable if you want to talk through things with someone who'll be able to understand and challenge your viewpoints if needed.
Good luck
I think the first plan of action is to get far more organised both in terms of work and out of work stuff. At certain times of the year I have a lot of time on my hands but rarely end up doing anything.
ETA: I'm an ISTP as well
Edited by Krugerrand on Wednesday 20th March 20:12
Krugerrand said:
In fact I would go as far as to say I have blagged my way through the job since I started as a trainee from Uni by just keeping my head down and saying the right things. I don't consider myself good at my job in any way but I just seem to be able to "get things done".
No advice to offer other than observing that this probably rings a bell with many professionals.. the feeling that you are just winging it and will somehow be "found out" as wanting... so don't think it too unusual. I sit waiting for the tap on the shoulder every day to tell me I have been found out and fired!
My job is rubbish - we do nothing useful and most of the tasks are mundane to say the lease. However, the pay is ok, holidays are great & everyone likes a drink on Friday after work.
Sometimes you just have to think that the vast majority on the planet would love to have the job and opportunities you have.
My job is rubbish - we do nothing useful and most of the tasks are mundane to say the lease. However, the pay is ok, holidays are great & everyone likes a drink on Friday after work.
Sometimes you just have to think that the vast majority on the planet would love to have the job and opportunities you have.
Edited by russ_a on Wednesday 20th March 21:03
Do you have a GP who you see each time you visit the surgery, or is it like mine, where there's a pool and you could get anyone? Some are better with mental health than others (don't let the term put you off).
To me, having been there in the past, and struggling with it all again more recently, you sound like you might be having a mild bout of depression, or at least, heading in that direction. It's the 'lack of interest' that is ringing a small alarm with me, as that's how I initially start, before having a 'black day or two'.
It wouldn't hurt to talk to your GP in the first instance.
To me, having been there in the past, and struggling with it all again more recently, you sound like you might be having a mild bout of depression, or at least, heading in that direction. It's the 'lack of interest' that is ringing a small alarm with me, as that's how I initially start, before having a 'black day or two'.
It wouldn't hurt to talk to your GP in the first instance.
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