Monday 27th September 2004

Engage brain before picking up phone

More bonkers quotes from insurance claimants

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It’s not clever but it can be very funny. Every day, motorists call their insurance company to make a claim -- and for many, their brain chooses that moment to drop out of gear.

Insurers admit they don’t know why being asked the simple question: "How did the accident happen" should reduce drivers to simpletons, but it produces absolute howlers time after time.

Insurance company Quoteacar.co.uk has been collecting some of the best examples from its claims department and says there are more students from the Homer Simpson school of joined-up thinking out there than you might think.

And what’s worse, they’re actually out on our roads, now. Would you want to be in a car with these people?

• "He indicated left but didn’t turn, so I pulled out and hit him."
• "The accident occurred because I was looking at the road through the hole in the passenger side floor."
• "The spray from the lorry’s wheels was so thick that I had no option than to drive into it."

And it’s never their fault!

• "I couldn’t see through the dog, which is a big hairy Dulux thing, so couldn’t have been expected to know he was there."
• "I was just admiring how big and strong the steel gates were when they swung out quickly and stove in the front of my car."
• "I was turning right when he appeared from behind a parked car going at 40mph and smashed into me."
• And it never works out the way you thought!
• "The policeman couldn’t seem to understand that the radiator was on the roof because that was the best way to keep the engine cool."
• "He stopped. I didn’t. It was obviously his fault for stopping without telling me."
• "The car went into the ditch because the engine, which was sitting beside me in the passenger side, was too heavy and pulled it off the road going round a corner."

"I swear these are comments taken from real insurance claims we have received," says Quotacar’s Spencer Street. "Jasper Carrot may have been pulling our legs all those years ago when he had them rolling in the aisles with similar tales, but it just goes to show what we have to deal with.

"Still, it might be worse if we operated foreign call centres like some of our competitors. It seems these are fraught with misunderstandings, such as the claims handler who enquired about the health of the animal after an accident involving a zebra crossing. Or the time a technician disputed the amount of damage that could have been caused by a third party – a beetle - in an accident. He was not thinking about the car!"

[jacko lah]

More hilarious is the sort of quotes you get when trying to insure something unusual ( or old or fast or interesting)

When attempting to get a quote for a 2 door Vauxhall Cavalier MK2 SRi which unfortunately was badged as an Opel Ascona GT. And originally purchased new from a UK dealership in 1984.

I'm sorry Opel Ascona is not on our list. Is it an import ? I don't have a 1984 Vauxhall Cavalier 2 door SRi on my list either. Is that an import ? I've got a 1978 3 door 1.9 Cavalier on my list, has it been registered, or modified ?

[Flat in Fifth]

insurance company said:

Or the time a technician disputed the amount of damage that could have been caused by a third party – a beetle - in an accident. He was not thinking about the car!

tell me, I've heard that Ringo is a real nutter.......

[wolosp]

But I was once asked the following question when reporting an incident after I had reversed into a bollard..."Whose fault was it?"

[Munter]

wolosp said:

But I was once asked the following question when reporting an incident after I had reversed into a bollard..."Whose fault was it?"

I blame the builder in these cases. It was obviously a Blinking silly place to but a bollard........

[.Mark]

wolosp said:

But I was once asked the following question when reporting an incident after I had reversed into a bollard..."Whose fault was it?"

Talking of stooooopid questions. When turning up at the channel tunnel in the Chimaera we were asked if we had any children or pets with us (roof was off).

To be fair though she knew it was a dumb question as she was laughing at the time, but they have to ask.