Discussion
Just last year I was looking at a new life in the sun. I'd sold my business, my bike, my cars and just about all of our household posessions. We'd have been leaving the UK for good this February, and I already had my new job lined up - one that would pay me what I consider I'm worth and ensure a debt-free future for myself and my wife. This was 'last chance saloon' for me as I'm almost mid-50's and will not be eligible for a working visa in a year or so.
November last year our lovely old dog died. No great biggie in the scheme of things, but it affected me quite a lot. No worries, we have a great future to look forward to.
January this year my wife had a nervous breakdown. She went from a bubbly, confident, outgoing woman to a wailing heap overnight. She's now 'under the doctor' and will be for some considerable time.
The upshot of this is that she cannot emigrate - certainly in the short term - as I'd have to meet the cost of all of her healthcare in our new life which would effectively wipe-out any financial benefit from the new job. We could get health insurance, but they will not insure for an existing complaint.
Aside from that her ongoing care would mean I couldn't work the hours that I'd arranged to, and no new employer wants to be told that.
So the very hard decision was made to stay in the UK and make the best of it. I restarted my business, had to re-invest in tools & equipment, transport etc which meant that after the expense of going through the medicals, X rays, blood tests, visa process and visits to the 'new world' to sort work, house etc I have no money whatsoever. The business is just about managing to keep our heads above water.
In the last week both our home landlords and our business landlords have informed us of rent increases 'to bring the rent in line with market trends' so I've now got to find an extra £350 a month just to stay where I am. Being self-employed I haven't had a pay-rise for five years, which with the ever increasing price of food, power, petrol etc has equated to a considerable pay-cut, and I can't believe that 'market trends' are on the up.
Yesterday my daughter emigrated with her husband and small baby. I dropped them to the airport, smiled and wished them well in their new life and then cried the whole way home.
For the first time in my life I dread waking up in the mornings. The alternative seems so much more appealing.
Sorry for the story. I just needed to put it down as I have no-one I can talk to anymore
November last year our lovely old dog died. No great biggie in the scheme of things, but it affected me quite a lot. No worries, we have a great future to look forward to.
January this year my wife had a nervous breakdown. She went from a bubbly, confident, outgoing woman to a wailing heap overnight. She's now 'under the doctor' and will be for some considerable time.
The upshot of this is that she cannot emigrate - certainly in the short term - as I'd have to meet the cost of all of her healthcare in our new life which would effectively wipe-out any financial benefit from the new job. We could get health insurance, but they will not insure for an existing complaint.
Aside from that her ongoing care would mean I couldn't work the hours that I'd arranged to, and no new employer wants to be told that.
So the very hard decision was made to stay in the UK and make the best of it. I restarted my business, had to re-invest in tools & equipment, transport etc which meant that after the expense of going through the medicals, X rays, blood tests, visa process and visits to the 'new world' to sort work, house etc I have no money whatsoever. The business is just about managing to keep our heads above water.
In the last week both our home landlords and our business landlords have informed us of rent increases 'to bring the rent in line with market trends' so I've now got to find an extra £350 a month just to stay where I am. Being self-employed I haven't had a pay-rise for five years, which with the ever increasing price of food, power, petrol etc has equated to a considerable pay-cut, and I can't believe that 'market trends' are on the up.
Yesterday my daughter emigrated with her husband and small baby. I dropped them to the airport, smiled and wished them well in their new life and then cried the whole way home.
For the first time in my life I dread waking up in the mornings. The alternative seems so much more appealing.
Sorry for the story. I just needed to put it down as I have no-one I can talk to anymore
Sadly, in life, as one door opens - another one seems to slam in your face.
So many bad things have happened to you in such a short space of time that you are bound to feel shell shocked by all this.
Can't really tell you to snap out of it but you will find a way to cope and your family needs you to keep strong for their sake.
Good luck!
So many bad things have happened to you in such a short space of time that you are bound to feel shell shocked by all this.
Can't really tell you to snap out of it but you will find a way to cope and your family needs you to keep strong for their sake.
Good luck!
Firstly, given recent happenings around me, please please please do not do anything silly, talk to friends family and others. Let them know exactly how you feel, a problem shared is a problem halved.
I know it's hard for us blokes to be open and emotional in front of people as we like to be seen as tough, but the people who care about you need to know exactly how you feel and will be able and more importantly, want to help in any way they can.
Secondly, negotiate with Landlord, explain situation, Landlords do not want to lose good a good tenant, so you DO have a good position.
Thirdly, sorry to hear about such an awful series of events. Stay positive, you have a daughter abroad, and therefore you have something to aim for with respect to pusing on, working hard, and allowing you and your wife to be able to visit them.
Finally, keep us updated with good news as it comes along, no matter how trivial, because things will improve i'm sure.
I know it's hard for us blokes to be open and emotional in front of people as we like to be seen as tough, but the people who care about you need to know exactly how you feel and will be able and more importantly, want to help in any way they can.
Secondly, negotiate with Landlord, explain situation, Landlords do not want to lose good a good tenant, so you DO have a good position.
Thirdly, sorry to hear about such an awful series of events. Stay positive, you have a daughter abroad, and therefore you have something to aim for with respect to pusing on, working hard, and allowing you and your wife to be able to visit them.
Finally, keep us updated with good news as it comes along, no matter how trivial, because things will improve i'm sure.
Speak to the missus, and see if she is up for a house move locally. You've already done a packing plan or the emigration, so it might not be such a huge upheaval or her, as you will be staying in the local area. The landlord will be happy enough with his one month's notice, as he has folks queuing around the block to pay him more.
Same with the work landlord. Is it such a huge deal to move out from there? Do you need the current setup, or could you work from somewhere else, especially if the future is not looking long-term in those premises?
Lastly, concentrate on getting the missus better.
Same with the work landlord. Is it such a huge deal to move out from there? Do you need the current setup, or could you work from somewhere else, especially if the future is not looking long-term in those premises?
Lastly, concentrate on getting the missus better.
I know I should concentrate on my wife, but it's very difficult. She is just not the same person she was, and I don't really feel we've got an interactive relationship any more.
We go through the motions like we always did, but it's not the same, the intimacy has gone (and by that I don't mean just the physical side of things).
I don't feel like I can talk about my feelings to her as I'm afraid it will throw her further over the edge than she is already.
More bad news today but I won't bore you with it.
Just don't know where to turn.
We go through the motions like we always did, but it's not the same, the intimacy has gone (and by that I don't mean just the physical side of things).
I don't feel like I can talk about my feelings to her as I'm afraid it will throw her further over the edge than she is already.
More bad news today but I won't bore you with it.
Just don't know where to turn.
Hi T.L. Sounds like you have had several losses such as intamacy, your dog, the dream of starting a new life and your daughter moving in a short space of time. This would I imagine be more then most could deal with unless they had a good net work of support. Can you identify the type of support you need at the moment. If a private message would help then feel frwee to do this or I can message you. Mark
NeMiSiS said:
Time to bail out, go get your Burnt Orange Blade put on your new leathers and head South.
Not Newquay South, but France,Portugal,Spain keep going, just you and the blade and a one man tent.
You could set a target and meet your daughter Charlie Borman-Ewan McGregor stylie..
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No it won't happen, but sit in quite room and clear your mind completely, then imagine it, bit by bit, road by road, ferry by ferry, town by town, live it. Even if you get some release from daydreaming, which you will, it will help in real time.
Chin up, good luck, when you are at rock bottom there is still a few feet to go, once you are there, the only way is up.
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If I hadn't sold my 'blade I'd have fNot Newquay South, but France,Portugal,Spain keep going, just you and the blade and a one man tent.
You could set a target and meet your daughter Charlie Borman-Ewan McGregor stylie..
.
.
.
.
No it won't happen, but sit in quite room and clear your mind completely, then imagine it, bit by bit, road by road, ferry by ferry, town by town, live it. Even if you get some release from daydreaming, which you will, it will help in real time.
Chin up, good luck, when you are at rock bottom there is still a few feet to go, once you are there, the only way is up.
.
ked off on it ages ago.happychap said:
Hi T.L. Sounds like you have had several losses such as intamacy, your dog, the dream of starting a new life and your daughter moving in a short space of time. This would I imagine be more then most could deal with unless they had a good net work of support. Can you identify the type of support you need at the moment. If a private message would help then feel frwee to do this or I can message you. Mark
I don't know what I need or even what I want at the moment.Thanks for the offer. May PM you.
Thanks
The Legend said:
I don't really feel we've got an interactive relationship any more. We go through the motions like we always did, but it's not the same, the intimacy has gone (and by that I don't mean just the physical side of things). I don't feel like I can talk about my feelings to her
For what it's worth, I know just how you feel and, having messed up one marriage, I really don;t want to do that again.Just one thought though, since you are renting currently, would your wife maybe like a fresh start elsewhere?
Good luck though with whatever you decide to do.
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