Shed Of The Week: Volvo S60 T5

The Aussies are getting a 'proper' Polestar S60; Shed finds a cheaper alternative

Not all that long ago, confessing to Volvo ownership was worse than admitting you were a trainspotter. By claiming the high ground on car safety Volvo had been pigeonholed as the marque of choice for unfeeling dopes who put their own safety and that of their spawn far above any other worldly consideration, up to and very much including any foolish notions other road users may have had about their own mortality. That funny stuff 'research' confirmed the existence of Volvo syndrome, a semi-comatose state borne out of a sense of invulnerability. By checking Volvo drivers' reactions to unusual outside stimuli, like the high-speed approach of an articulated Slovakian sheep transporter or the inconvenient appearance of a noisy emergency vehicle in the rear view mirror, scientists were able to quantify just how rubbish Volvo drivers were in relation to the rest of us.

Five cylinders, one turbo and Shed cred galore

It's all quite different these days, now that everyone offers decent safety in a car. To replace its lost USP, the company has been defaulting to what many traditional Volvo drivers see as the nemesis of safety - speed. Not only is there a public version of the mad Polestar car en route, Volvo is also shouldering its way into Aussie Touring cars with its S60.

Which brings us to our Shed of the Week, a fetching S60 T5 in what looks like Venetian Red. Launched in 2001, this luxury pocket exec is a solid car, rather better built than the S40 and (Shed believes) a car that's growing nicely into its looks.

For small-scale wafting you could do a lot worse. The Dolby Surround Pro Logic stereo is rather fabulous, although the S80-mimicking dash panel in which its knobs sit might put you in mind of the vast wheat fields of western Kansas. Dashtop materials are better, more soft to the touch and well screwed on. The boot is big, with a ski hatch cut into the back seat.

Your man hasn't given us any shots of the leather seats, which is a shame as they are superb and perfectly matched to the car's easy 500-mile tank range. Big front headrests restrict the view for those behind, who are already a little bit hunched up by the coupé-like lines, but who cares about them?

Looks a bit grandad, goes like stink - spot on

This being PistonHeads, it's all about the engine, and this is a good 'un. The current S60 T6 range topper is a 3.0-litre turbo six with 304hp (329hp in Polestar form), a kerb weight of 1,780kg and a 5.9-second 0-60. The T5 you see here (from the first year of serious production) has a classic Swede 2.3-litre inline turbo five churning out a healthy 247hp to push something in the region of 1,550kg (for comparison, the 2001 BMW 325i came in at under 1.400kg).

That weight issue maybe partly explains the odd thing about quick Volvos, which is that they don't really feel that quick. The power numbers are impressive, and there's certainly than enough grunt for a spot of amusing torque steer, but the seat of the pants sensation is more solid than sexy. Wind and tyre noise will create a sensation of faux-speed, but you might find yourself wondering if someone has lubed the wheel bearings with golden syrup rather than grease, or accidentally filled the cylinders with camel phlegm. As Boston famously said, it's more than a feeling, and perhaps an unfair one too because good T5s in standard trim will actually turn in eyebrow-lifting six-second 0-60 times all day long. But they just don't feel fast. More like a mobile slab of granite, which is not necessarily a bad thing.

If you need proper speed but don't have the 40 grand for a new T6, you'll be wanting the S60 R, a Haldex AWD car that came out in 2004 with around 300hp and 300lb ft of torque. Finding one of them at sensible money won't be easy though. Your best option is a simple T5 remap that will take it up to 280hp.

T5 steering is numb and the brakes aren't progressive. Ultimately, they're effective, but unrewarding. For an idea about the pedal feel, imagine slowly sinking your boot into a fat tramp's stomach. The T5 was also available with the groovy five-speed 'spaceball' manual gearbox, and quite a notchy one it was too, but the auto has its own issues with regards to driveability.

Earlier S60s also have a reputation for electrical gremlins. The alarm and door locks are bullied by shorting key fobs. If the engine isn't idling smoothly, suspect a problem with the electronic throttle module (ETM), a universally hated piece of kit that can at least be cleaned up to prolong its miserable life.

This is the bit where you remind yourself you're paying less than £1,000 for a lot of car because, if you keep up the maintenance, replace the cambelts at the appropriate times and find a good specialist rather than a Volvo dealer, you could be very happy with a car like this. Especially one that's being sold by a chap called Dan (not our editor, it should be pointed out).

Here's the ad.

2.3 Ltr, 5 Cylinder, Turbo Charged, 247 BHP
A fully loaded example of the S60, in the T5 mode.
Comes with the Auto tiptronic gearbox including the "W" winter setting.

Spec includes the following
Full leather interior
Cruise control
4 x Electric windows
Electric folding mirrors
Dual climate control
Heated front seats
Fully adjustable steering column
Multi function steering wheel
Front and rear heated screens
Dynamic stability control
Headlamp wash/wipes
Alloy wheels
Front fog lights
Factory fit car phone with handset under armrest, built in microphone and speaker in headrest..

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WeirdNeville

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