Mid Life Crisis?

[AlexYoong]

I've set up a new user name as I don't feel that great about what I'm about to post.

In my mid 30s now and I'm wondering if I'm suffering from some kind of mid life crisis?

However, on reading about it on the Internet it doesn't seem to fit I to the usual pattern.

- I'm very aware of my own mortality, and how long I may have left. I keep thinking about reference points, eg I've been driving for 20 years and that doesn't seem that long ago. In another 20 years I'll be almost 60;

- I feel like I have done everything. I did have a debauched youth and have travelled a lot to some great places. Also, I have purchased all the material object "goals" I set myself when I was younger.

- I am obsessed about retirement. My current existence means I am working very hard and travelling a lot which is getting me down. I want to retire as soon as possible, so am selling off most of my valuable possessions and stashing them away. In the past I had lusted after these possessions and was very proud when I got them, now they are just a barrier to retirement.

- I am not interested in any new hobbies, as they just involve cash and I begrudge spending it as I could be saving it. I am also now begrudging the costs of restoring my car as I could instead be saving the money - I get no pleasure from it anymore.

- Job wise I am doing better than I planned, senior role in very large company and promotion imminent. It brings me no joy or sense of achievement, which I know it does to my peers at work who seek to be defined by their work.

- Very little apart from my family brings me enjoyment. I used to be very cheerful and the life and soul of the party. Now other people's enjoyment gets on my nerves, which isn't a great way to be.

- My job pays well, but it is hard going and I get no sense of achievement from it. It also pays well, but I will need to keep doing it for the foreseeable future to pay for school fees and a new house etc.

It almost feels like I am writing off the next 20 years until I can retire. That in itself is depressing as I am very aware that I could die before then.

Any tips from anyone who has felt the same?

Is it just a phase?

[dundarach]

40 and two young children and feel the same....

I try and take pleasure in the simple things, day out, nice drink, watch a nice bit of TV

hobbies can be cheap, try and find something which interests you, which you can make lots of lists about and do lots of Internet research before spending anything.....that way it's all free right up until you have to buy something...

Also pick hobbies you can shut away and leave otherwise they'll irritate you, so no classic cars ....

And as for a phase - I hope so, let me know how you got rid of yours.....l

Good luck!

[VinceFox]

Same here, slightly different circumstances but still feel joyless in life. Nothing excites me and no real interest in anything new. Pretty much just treading water.

Edited by VinceFox on Sunday 30th June 17:03

[dundarach]

Seriously chaps - SIMPLE THINGS

This Internet nonsense has shown us everything in life and our position within it.....just like the total immersion vortex :-) (Hitch hikers guide)

Go do simple things......turn off the ipad...stop browsing ebay etc. and do something (less boring instead)

It's not easy however!

[Slobberchops]

A lot of what you said applies to me. Apart from a bigger house I am not particularly bothered with possessions and the apart from upgrading the ones I have, to which there is no point I may as well stick as I am.

Did miss out on nice holidays though so I will do that and make sure I spend good times with my sons.

Otherwise, I have a decent job and a comfortable living but it is pretty steady.

[Hoofy]

Sounds more like mild depression than midlife crisis.

Do you do much in the way of sport or exercise? It doesn't have to be much - a walk in the park, playing football with the kids, going for a cycle with them or teaching them to fly a kite. I know what you mean about hobbies being expensive and some sports can be expensive but they don't have to be (I've started tennis and spent under £20 on a racquet and tennis balls; bought new shoes but my current sports shoes are 20 years old and have very little support; courts are free).

[anonymous-user]

Glad other people feel the same too. Thought I was nuts or depressed (possibly may be)

38 and can't think of anything that would really make me happy (apart from my little girl). Constant thoughts of mortality etc

Dad died unexpectedly last year so that may be a trigger plus not being in a 'happy' relationship...

[Slobberchops]

Same here, my mother died suddenly last year and there is no doubt that it made me examine what I am doing with my life, and trying to work out which parts of it are important.

[Hoofy]

dundarach said:

Go do simple things......turn off the ipad...stop browsing ebay etc. and do something (less boring instead)

http://youtu.be/BI14wfWJax8?t=37s
?

[AlexYoong]

Thanks Guys, lots to think about.

I'm going to try and appreciate the little things more, and investigate a new hobby / interest.

Cheers!

[Hoofy]

I dunno why you didn't use your real account. It's nothing to be ashamed of.

[anonymous-user]

Glad other people feel the same too. Thought I was nuts or depressed (possibly may be)

38 and can't think of anything that would really make me happy (apart from my little girl). Constant thoughts of mortality etc

Dad died unexpectedly last year so that may be a trigger plus not being in a 'happy' relationship...

[Fittster]

AlexYoong said:

- I am obsessed about retirement. My current existence means I am working very hard and travelling a lot which is getting me down. I want to retire as soon as possible, so am selling off most of my valuable possessions and stashing them away. In the past I had lusted after these possessions and was very proud when I got them, now they are just a barrier to retirement.


It almost feels like I am writing off the next 20 years until I can retire. That in itself is depressing as I am very aware that I could die before then.

Any tips from anyone who has felt the same?

Is it just a phase?

What are you hoping will occur when you retire ?

[bernhund]

I would think what you're experiencing is no different to the majority now days. There's way too much stimulation in life with technology making everything so accessible, be it travel or just endless tv channels etc. I think with the responsibilities we take on in mortgages, school fees and just raising a family, men in particular beat themselves up and question their mortality a lot too. We live to work and not work to live and the only let up you see is in retirement.
I found having been to the brink of death myself that the small things start to be appreciated greatly and though I question my mortality a lot, I do get pleasure from just everyday things like hearing a blackbird sing or just watching long grass blow around in waves or something...real soft lad stuff, yet at the same time I can get great pleasure from listening to Ace of Spades by Motorhead or something equally noisy. You've just got to find a balance and not think it's 'unmanly' to appreciate the softer things.

[2.5pi]

bernhund said:

I would think what you're experiencing is no different to the majority now days. There's way too much stimulation in life with technology making everything so accessible, be it travel or just endless tv channels etc. I think with the responsibilities we take on in mortgages, school fees and just raising a family, men in particular beat themselves up and question their mortality a lot too. We live to work and not work to live and the only let up you see is in retirement.
I found having been to the brink of death myself that the small things start to be appreciated greatly and though I question my mortality a lot, I do get pleasure from just everyday things like hearing a blackbird sing or just watching long grass blow around in waves or something...real soft lad stuff, yet at the same time I can get great pleasure from listening to Ace of Spades by Motorhead or something equally noisy. You've just got to find a balance and not think it's 'unmanly' to appreciate the softer things.

What he said..I'm a great believer in exercise and the great outdoors being essential to mental well being , other than that just keep doing the odd different thing , maybe a concert that your o/h will appreciate more than you or visiting somewhere different and making an effort to engage with the folk you meet.

Sounds trite bks but works for me

[didelydoo]

Start going to the gym and buy as motorbike! I did both, crashed and broke my spine, so now just go to the gym.....bike was awesome though, and I'd get another if I had the ability to be sensible on it.

Little things that you can progress with can give you a great sense of achievement.

[sjc]

OP,I'm surrounded by firends(I'm 48 and include myself) who are questioning WTF it's all about.Many of the men are very successful,and yet increasingly empty,and their women are all suddenly having negative thoughts about "is this it?"
What you feel, will quite possibly happen to everyone at some point in their life.
Occupy yourself as much as possible, try and do a tiny little good deed a day (even if it's only an extra thankyou to someone)tell yourself your a decent bloke and it will pass.


Other than that I've heard Russian wes and a Maserati helps.......

[Fozziebear]

The outdoors is where I'm at my happiest, hate being inside. I'm outside everyday, running, MTB, dogs etc. I've minimised my tech baggage, less time on the net, laptop on once a week! Cut back the tv time, unless its the walking dead! I thought I would have a midlife meltdown, but I'm not 60 yet so I'm still waiting

[AlexYoong]

Thanks Guys.

I've been giving it some thought, and:

- I'm going to try and make myself a better person, and put less focus on myself; and

- Put together a list of things to look forward to in the future, like holidays etc.

[happychap]

AY, out of interest, if you had a magic wand what would you change or do to improve your situation.