Your DIY surgery tales...
Discussion
Inspired by the "something under my thumb" thread, what are your DIY surgery tales?
Here is mine (written for b3ta.com edited to actually make sense...)
Well, we all know DIY as being a right royal pain in the arse. Male bravado and and an inherent desire NOT to ask for help is a sometimes painful combination...
Back in the summer of 2007, I had a problem...a little/big problem. A problem that was approx 1/2 an inch too big, somewhere it really shouldnt have been. Thats right, I had an ingrowing (big) toe nail.
If any of you have ever been unlucky enough to have one of these you'll know the familiar burning and throbbing that starts out in your big toe, and radiates out to the far side of your foot as you try and walk with the majority of your weight on the side.
Well, sweating like a nun in a Cucumber field, the celing fan doing its best but is no match for the humid heat in the room, and my feet throbbing I was at my lowest.
"Right, thats it, f
k it, i've had enough, if the damn docs wont sort my foot out, i'm going to" and with that I went off to collect: nail clippers, scissors, a nail file, a towel, a roll of loo paper, and a box of plasters.
I soaked my foot in a bowl of ice water, and dried it off. In hindsight I should have stopped here and enjoy the blessed relief this gave me, but no...No I didnt.
I started by clipping the small bit of visible nail, so far so good. Now I needed leverage. Taking the nail file and ignoring the huge amount of pain I was in, I positioned the file under the nail and pushed downwards, forcing the nail up a fraction of a millimeter. Clip Clip. I should have stopped here, but I didnt, No I didnt,
I kept on with this DIY, and when the pain got to much, I soaked my foot in the iced bowl of water, and continued... occasionally stopping to mop up the blood.
By now i'm about a 1/3rd of the way down the toe and cursing for all of Mother England. My choices are clear: cut my losses, and hope ive not made things worse, or continue and remember the blessed relief i'm feeling from the top 3rd of my toe.
There wasn't a decision to be made. Im 100% committed to my cause now despite the state of my once clean towel now closely resembling...well, a towel that is seriously bloodied, I continued.
Now, Dear Reader, One cannot quite describe the pain I was in at this point. Every levering action was causing me to clench my teeth, tense my neck, and my eyes to water. Imagine, if you will cutting yourself and pouring a vinegar, salt, and nettle mixture into said cut, well that would be my sweat. And thats kinda how it felt with a dull throb and blood to boot.
3/4's of the way down, and im seriously beginning to get worried about the amount of blood loss. Not because i'm a wimp, but i'm pretty sure that removing something which was stopping your blood from spilling out is pretty damn bad. I watch casualty, and I know that if you're losing blood you replace that with more blood. Not having any to hand, I thought sod it and carried on.
Almost there now, and my towel, bed sheet, and the floor is looking a lovely shade of crimson. drip drip drip drip drip. Its becoming easier to cut and eventually, almost 40 mins after I started, I'd finish. The professionals would have done it for free (after an 8 month waiting list on the NHS!)
Right, well, what to do next?
These lots of blood and a massive hole in my toe. Wrapping my foot in the towel I grabbed some cotton wool. Rubbed a bit of antiseptic on the wound (hey, I was being silly enough as it is!) and plastered it up.
Do you know what? It healed! Its absolutely bloody fine!
Its not the first time I dont this...I've done something similar with verucca's!
So, PH...what are your tales?
Here is mine (written for b3ta.com edited to actually make sense...)
Well, we all know DIY as being a right royal pain in the arse. Male bravado and and an inherent desire NOT to ask for help is a sometimes painful combination...
Back in the summer of 2007, I had a problem...a little/big problem. A problem that was approx 1/2 an inch too big, somewhere it really shouldnt have been. Thats right, I had an ingrowing (big) toe nail.
If any of you have ever been unlucky enough to have one of these you'll know the familiar burning and throbbing that starts out in your big toe, and radiates out to the far side of your foot as you try and walk with the majority of your weight on the side.
Well, sweating like a nun in a Cucumber field, the celing fan doing its best but is no match for the humid heat in the room, and my feet throbbing I was at my lowest.
"Right, thats it, f
k it, i've had enough, if the damn docs wont sort my foot out, i'm going to" and with that I went off to collect: nail clippers, scissors, a nail file, a towel, a roll of loo paper, and a box of plasters. I soaked my foot in a bowl of ice water, and dried it off. In hindsight I should have stopped here and enjoy the blessed relief this gave me, but no...No I didnt.
I started by clipping the small bit of visible nail, so far so good. Now I needed leverage. Taking the nail file and ignoring the huge amount of pain I was in, I positioned the file under the nail and pushed downwards, forcing the nail up a fraction of a millimeter. Clip Clip. I should have stopped here, but I didnt, No I didnt,
I kept on with this DIY, and when the pain got to much, I soaked my foot in the iced bowl of water, and continued... occasionally stopping to mop up the blood.
By now i'm about a 1/3rd of the way down the toe and cursing for all of Mother England. My choices are clear: cut my losses, and hope ive not made things worse, or continue and remember the blessed relief i'm feeling from the top 3rd of my toe.
There wasn't a decision to be made. Im 100% committed to my cause now despite the state of my once clean towel now closely resembling...well, a towel that is seriously bloodied, I continued.
Now, Dear Reader, One cannot quite describe the pain I was in at this point. Every levering action was causing me to clench my teeth, tense my neck, and my eyes to water. Imagine, if you will cutting yourself and pouring a vinegar, salt, and nettle mixture into said cut, well that would be my sweat. And thats kinda how it felt with a dull throb and blood to boot.
3/4's of the way down, and im seriously beginning to get worried about the amount of blood loss. Not because i'm a wimp, but i'm pretty sure that removing something which was stopping your blood from spilling out is pretty damn bad. I watch casualty, and I know that if you're losing blood you replace that with more blood. Not having any to hand, I thought sod it and carried on.
Almost there now, and my towel, bed sheet, and the floor is looking a lovely shade of crimson. drip drip drip drip drip. Its becoming easier to cut and eventually, almost 40 mins after I started, I'd finish. The professionals would have done it for free (after an 8 month waiting list on the NHS!)
Right, well, what to do next?
These lots of blood and a massive hole in my toe. Wrapping my foot in the towel I grabbed some cotton wool. Rubbed a bit of antiseptic on the wound (hey, I was being silly enough as it is!) and plastered it up.
Do you know what? It healed! Its absolutely bloody fine!
Its not the first time I dont this...I've done something similar with verucca's!
So, PH...what are your tales?
Three quarter inch mole on my back was impossible to reach and was constantly catching on towels, t shirts etc. Carried it for 16 years until I finally got hacked off with it and took to it with a large pair of kitchen scissors and some help from several mirrors ( I couldn't see the fker). Lots of blood but little pain TBH as it came off in chunks. Very satisfying. It never came back.
ker). Lots of blood but little pain TBH as it came off in chunks. Very satisfying. It never came back.I also used to have ingrowing toe nails on my big toes. Dicked around with them for years on and off and they just kept coming back ever quicker.
Eventually it was time to operate!
Uunlike the OP, I decided to use a stanley knife to slice off the bit of the nail that kept growing into the side of my toes - right down to the root in the cuticle!
So starting at the top of the nail I sliced a straight line through the nail to separate a triangle shaped lump of nail at the side. And then the really painful bit was grabbing hold of that triangle with a pair of small pliers and pulling it out, along with the couple of millimetres of root attached to it.
Obviously lots of blood, and a little pain, but oh boy so worth it. Never had a problem with them since.
Eventually it was time to operate!
Uunlike the OP, I decided to use a stanley knife to slice off the bit of the nail that kept growing into the side of my toes - right down to the root in the cuticle!
So starting at the top of the nail I sliced a straight line through the nail to separate a triangle shaped lump of nail at the side. And then the really painful bit was grabbing hold of that triangle with a pair of small pliers and pulling it out, along with the couple of millimetres of root attached to it.
Obviously lots of blood, and a little pain
, but oh boy so worth it. Never had a problem with them since.
I've been to hospital for ingrowing toenails a few times. I had it recur a year or so later, and thought "how hard can it be?"
Just nail scissors and tweezers for me. The ingrowth was a second sheet of nail rather than being a growth from the side of the normal one. I dug around a bit with the point of the scissors to free it from the nail bed a bit, grabbed it with the tweezers, and yanked. HARD.
It did bleed a bit, but within an hour or so it felt marvellous.
Just nail scissors and tweezers for me. The ingrowth was a second sheet of nail rather than being a growth from the side of the normal one. I dug around a bit with the point of the scissors to free it from the nail bed a bit, grabbed it with the tweezers, and yanked. HARD.
It did bleed a bit, but within an hour or so it felt marvellous.
zollburgers said:
I had a wart near my elbow that would repeatedly reappear when treated with those freezing kits. Eventually after a bottle of wine and a few beers I set about it with a stanley knife. And then froze the crap out of it.
It healed fine and is long gone. Total victory.
I had warts all over my fingers when I was little, mum took a pair of scissors to them and dug out the root.It healed fine and is long gone. Total victory.
After an ultra they're probably so knackered they're all but falling off...
I've been known to lance things with a scalpel but not much more on the DIY surgery front, not big on getting injured in the first place.
I do recall falling over while drunk and using vodka to sterilise the wound. Not my finest hour (should have just drunk the vodka in hindsight).
I've been known to lance things with a scalpel but not much more on the DIY surgery front, not big on getting injured in the first place.
I do recall falling over while drunk and using vodka to sterilise the wound. Not my finest hour (should have just drunk the vodka in hindsight).
In my late teens I managed to get a car bonnet slammed onto one of my finger nails, an excruciating experience that resulted in a hugely swollen end on my finger and throbbing agony that kept me awake for many nights before I could take it no longer and went to casualty. In an ritual that made the Spanish Inquisition look like a bunch of poofs, a nurse heated a needle to red heat using a spirit burner and plunged it through my nail to relieve the pressure. Unbelievable pain was eventually followed by blessed relief. It did take two male nurses to hold my arm down though, as I pulled it away twice 
Some years later I manged to crush the end of another finger whilst working on a car, and the same black, swollen, pulsing agony resulted. This time I knew what to do, but couldn't bring myself to stab a red hot needle through my own nail, so I sterilised a 1mm drill bit and gently drilled through just by spinning the drill with my fingers and applying very light pressure. I can thoroughly recommend this as a much less painful alternative to the red hot needle.
Some years later I manged to crush the end of another finger whilst working on a car, and the same black, swollen, pulsing agony resulted. This time I knew what to do, but couldn't bring myself to stab a red hot needle through my own nail, so I sterilised a 1mm drill bit and gently drilled through just by spinning the drill with my fingers and applying very light pressure. I can thoroughly recommend this as a much less painful alternative to the red hot needle.
Regiment said:
I had warts all over my fingers when I was little, mum took a pair of scissors to them and dug out the root.
Whart on my hand, in class with compas used to sort it. Always kept comming back though until i found the root pair of pliers yanked that out never had once since. Ingrowing nail with slight infection, razorblade, remove chunk of toe, remove overgrown nail, squeeze. 
Cyst on earlobe (from my ear piercing when i was young and stupid), needle, razor blade, squeeze, relief.
Splinters, soak, sharp blade, remove.
Blisters, open, soak in lemon juice, cry, relief.
But even having done all of that to myself (and felt the blessed relief that comes with self surgery) this thread still makes me feel a little queasy.
Cyst on earlobe (from my ear piercing when i was young and stupid), needle, razor blade, squeeze, relief.
Splinters, soak, sharp blade, remove.
Blisters, open, soak in lemon juice, cry, relief.
But even having done all of that to myself (and felt the blessed relief that comes with self surgery) this thread still makes me feel a little queasy.
mu0n said:
I once put a pin through a cyst lump in my earlobe.
Never would I attempt 'DIY surgery' again.
Ooh, you just reminded me of the time I had a sore swollen gum. I lived with it for about 3 days until the gum seemed to getting really stretched and white. So I stood infront of the mirror and started having a good poke around. I gave it a good squeeze and I swear it was like a scene from the Exorcist as a huge stream of puss squirted out and splashed all across the mirror.Never would I attempt 'DIY surgery' again.
Edited by mu0n on Monday 1st July 13:07
To say I was shocked would be an understatement. Felt sooo much better though!
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