Middle Lane Drivers club rules

[REV-EREND]

What would be the rules for an owners club for
Middle lane hogs.

Here's a starter for you :

Max speed permissable in middle lane = 60mph

Any others !

[elanturbo]

dress like a tw@t and stick a fish on the back of your car.

[nigelbasson]

Mirrors are only to be used to adjust flat cap, make-up or to talk to the rear passengers.

[Neil Menzies]

Remember the sequence - manoevre, signal. No mirror.

[Ali_D]

Hold the steering wheel very tightly - its got a mind of its own you know.

[SimonElmy]

Press your face as close as possible to the windscreen.
And don't under any circumstances blink.

[anonymous-user]

fill the boot of the car with cr@p so you cant see whats behind you!

[Neil Menzies]

When it starts raining, put your lights on. And your fog lights. And the interior light.

And leave them on for the next 5 years...

[cpn]

I thought it was still Mirror, Signal, manoevre, but it did not matter if there was anything in your mirror when you moved!

Dont forget... YOu are not a lorry, so you should not be in the left hand lane, and the overtaking lane should only be used to stop people overtaking you!

[Neil Menzies]

Make sure your car is mechanically sound. Why, I managed nearly 600 miles in the 18 years I ran my beige Austin Maxi, and never had to leave the middle lane once.

[mondeoman]

Spend the whole of your life with a glazed expression, following that incident with the caravan..... you remember, when you actually overtook a lorry once by mistake.

Signal right at every opportunity, and then forget to cancel them - New Vectra anyone??

Have the radio permanently tuned to Radio 4

Get hold of one of those lovely tartan travel rugs..... ooooh and a smashin noddin dog....

[Paceracing]

Smoke a pipe.
Have a tartan picnic rug on the back seat.
Keep a Panama hat in the rear window.
Drive a Rover.
Pour a cup of tea from the tartan thermos flask which matches the rug.
Keep a picnic table for those convenient lay-by picnics watching the traffic go by.
Keep an emergency stock of scotch eggs in the glove box.
Married to a woman called Doris.
Shake your head in dissaproval at anyone who appears to be travelling at over 70 mph, and if possible flash the headlights in disgust as well.
Keep a tin of boiled sweets in the centre console.
Tell as many 'youngsters' as will listen, "I haven't had an accident in 20 years" (But i've seen plenty in my rear view mirror!).
Fit a towbar for the caravan.

Jas.

[philshort]

Practice your withering "look at that idiot weaving all over the place" stare. Be prepared to swerve sharply into the slow lane if any oik tries to undertake.

[smeagol]

When approaching two lorrys passing at 0.001mph you must move into the fast lane and slow down so that you are doing no more than 1mph faster than the lorry.

Advanced: This monouver must be performed at least half a mile before you get to the lorries when the traffic is especially busy.

[Bruce Fielding]

Accelerate to match the speed of any vehicle overtaking you so they can't pull back into lane 1

[rev-erend]

Excellent .. here are some more..

also members of the numptie club

un-able to move their head other than straight ahead

no matter what - remain cheerfully oblivious of what is happening around you !

Never had an accident - caused thousands

favourite vehicle - austin allegro (hearing aid beige - prefered)

truely believe that there is only one lane - the middle
lane...!

[Dazren]

speed must be maintained at 1mph less than vehicles in the inside lane.

DAZ

[Bodo]

Never even doubt, that the way you're doing could be wrong!

[ZZR600]

quote:

Keep a picnic table for those convenient lay-by picnics watching the traffic go by.

I nearly took out an old couple and there yapping turd + rover 200 a few years back , they decided to have a picnic on a slip road blocking it completely i missed the car by inches slid across the grass and back onto the main road infront of a milk tanker luckily it missed me , and to say i was f**kin angry is an understatement i parked up lost my rag with the old git who just sat there as if he had done nothing wrong (obviously my fault i was speeding)
so instead of nearly punching his smug wrinkly face in i decided to throw his picnic table chairs and every thing else into a neighbouring field .

I WAS NOT A HAPPY CHAPPY THAT DAY

[gb61390]

And even if you do manage to get one of these idiots to both over to get passed they move straight back to the middle lane and give the customary flash!
Cheers.... Andrew