Problems with stress and anxiety

[amancalledrob]

My girlfriend is really struggling.

She's never dealt well with stress and about 18 months ago her grandfather died. Two months ago her best friend's dad died. He was like a second dad to her. Lat week her gran was admitted to hospital with a virus. Now she's really struggling with anxiety and says she feels as though she has no control over her life. She was put on antidepressants about ten months ago and feels as though they've stopped her grieving properly and tbh I think she's finding them a source of stress too. Now she's taken up smoking again.

I want to help her somehow but I don't know what to do. Part of me feels like telling her what she's worrying about (death, losing family etc) is something we all have to deal with and that she just needs to realise it's the same for everyone. Of course this wouldn't help her at all and I hate myself for thinking it.

What can I do to help her deal with things a bit better? I can't imagine life without her but I've been thinking about proposing and I don't want to marry someone who finds it so hard to cope, how would she deal with being a mum?

Reading this back it seems as though I'm more worried about myself but that's really not what I mean... I just want to help her for both of us. Apologies if this is the wrong section but I'm a bit lost here...

[Fozziebear]

Mind can help. Your right that we all need to accept that life is difficult and sometimes harder than we think. She needs someone neutral to talk to, this is why I suggest mind. My wife was on anti depressants, they made her numb to the world, unable to express herself, she's off them now, much more open and honest. Best of luck

[amancalledrob]

Thanks. I'll give them a call first and see what they say. I'm worried that she might get a bit offended if I just drop the idea on her. We'll see what happens.

[amancalledrob]

NeMiSiS said:

Start with her GP, go with her if you need too, then take it from there.

Don't put it off, do it tomorrow.

Thanks, she's made an appointment but it was the GP who prescribed the antidepressants and they don't seem very motivated to do anything further. We'll see what the outcome of the appointment is and go from there

[Zad]

I can see the case for prescribing antidepressants when the patient has depression, but in a case like this I would ask about talking therapies. Rightly or wrongly, it is my perception that many GPs think people want a bottle of tablets rather than something that requires the patient to work at the solution. It is hard work, but far more "real".

[Fozziebear]

Zad said:

I can see the case for prescribing antidepressants when the patient has depression, but in a case like this I would ask about talking therapies. Rightly or wrongly, it is my perception that many GPs think people want a bottle of tablets rather than something that requires the patient to work at the solution. It is hard work, but far more "real".

Exactly what my wife's old GP did, here take this wonder pill and come back in 6 months. We pushed for another GP after she got worse, he threw bottle in bin and sorted out someone to chat to.

[amancalledrob]

Fozziebear said:

Zad said:

I can see the case for prescribing antidepressants when the patient has depression, but in a case like this I would ask about talking therapies. Rightly or wrongly, it is my perception that many GPs think people want a bottle of tablets rather than something that requires the patient to work at the solution. It is hard work, but far more "real".

Exactly what my wife's old GP did, here take this wonder pill and come back in 6 months. We pushed for another GP after she got worse, he threw bottle in bin and sorted out someone to chat to.

She had some counselling with the initial prescription and appeared to be improving but is now getting worse again. We'll see what comes out of the next GP appointment though

[Four Litre]

From experience and a lot of tried and tested avenues, I would reccomend looking online at the Linden Method, by Charles Linden. AD's will only mask the symptoms and shouldnt be discounted, however having spent a few million over the years on docs, meds and talking therapies, the Linden Method was the one that worked for me. Really was something I believe needs to be looked at more by therapists. Look it up on google, cost me about £100 for the Dvd,s and its the best £100 I ever spent.

Feel like I seriously owe that guy for my life. (And no I'm not on commission!!)

Its a really simple approach but the key to it is not going over and over the same st day in day out, as you would with conventional therapy. Over a short space of time you 'forget' you have a problem, this in turn gives you the oppertunity to move on.

Would love to hear from anyone else who has tried it successfully, I thought it was BS but after many years was willing to try pretty much anything.

[Jasandjules]

amancalledrob said:

She had some counselling with the initial prescription and appeared to be improving but is now getting worse again. We'll see what comes out of the next GP appointment though

No offence but surely tablets are simply masking the issue.

Once you know what the problem is then action can be taken to fix it - or at least so much as possible.

The tablets will give a lift but if the underlying problem remains then it is likely to resurface? Then my fear is that she will feel even worse because of an expectation that the tablets would be the answer.

Just my view really though, I am not a fan of drugs etc (though I will say I believe that some depression is a chemical imbalance so if tablets address that all well and good).

[jumpingjackdan]

Antidepressants take a few weeks to kick in, they are not a miracle cure but they will help her to see things more clearly and allow her the time to address the issues. Don't listen to numpties who's medical training consists of a cub scout first aid badge. I bet they would take insulin if they were diagnosed with diabetes - anti-depressants used to treat depression are no different. That said, there are a variety of anti-depressants out there, some might not work for her so she may need to try a few if the ones prescribed don't work.

Furthermore, I would suggest she goes and sees a councillor, this will allow her to talk her issues through with someone who is independent and she will likely feel more inclined to open up. Moreover, they will likely provide cogitative behavioural therapy (CBT), this will allow her to identify the negative thoughts that are getting her down and stop them in their tracks. The NHS is crap at dealing with mental health issues, as its not a visible disease they hardly fund any therapy on the NHS, so you might have to go private which might not be cheap (I think its c.£40 a session round here). Exercise also works wonders, and so does socialising.

Recovering from depression is not quick, nor easy, she will need your support and understanding, its not a case of "pulling one's self-together" or adopting "a stiff upper lip". People suffering from depression obviously are dealing with the condition but also feel that mental illness is a stigma and will often blame themselves or feel weak for suffering from it. You need to reassure her, that is not rare (about 30% of people suffer from mental illness at one time in their life) and that things will improve.

This book may help her: http://www.amazon.com/Full-Catastrophe-Living-Wisd...

Edited by jumpingjackdan on Sunday 25th August 00:24

Edited by jumpingjackdan on Sunday 25th August 00:25