Worried about a friend - Not eating/bi polar
Discussion
Good evening PH,
I'm growing really concerned about my best friends health.
She has recently been diagnosed with bi polar, and on daily medication for it.
She has told me today that she hasn't eaten for two days, and that she is constantly tired.
I'm 99% sure that she is tired as she isn't eating correctly. However she just says that she hasn't got the time and forgets (she's a single mother). I'm around tonight and made cooked us something and she hardly ate any of it.
I can't be here every day though to check that she has eaten.
She has also told me that she is worried about leaving her house empty. To the point she came home from staying at her mums (20 minutes away) to check she had turned the lights off, then had to check all the doors were closed, got half way back to her mums and then had to go back to check the door was locked.
Because she was back at home she had to check all te lights and doors inside were shut.
I can clearly see this is effecting her day to day. She told me that she didn't meet up with friends because she was scared about leaving her house alone.
We also planned a day out tomorrow, however I can see that it won't happen now.
I want to help but haven't got a clue what I can do. I've tried reassuring her by saying she lives in a busy street with lots of people, so they'll be able to keep an eye on it, and if the worse happens she lives minutes away from the police station. That doesn't seemed to have worked though. (Bit of a long shot really).
She has spoken to her care worker about the anxcity issues and is going to see someone in a couple of weeks about it.
I'm more worried about her not eating. Who would she need to speak to to get help? I'm guessing her GP?
Would it be worth having a quiet word with her mum about my concerns? She lives closer than me and they are quite close to each other (not as in distance).
Any help would be great, I know it needs to be her that gets the help , but I want to support her as much as possible.
I'm growing really concerned about my best friends health.
She has recently been diagnosed with bi polar, and on daily medication for it.
She has told me today that she hasn't eaten for two days, and that she is constantly tired.
I'm 99% sure that she is tired as she isn't eating correctly. However she just says that she hasn't got the time and forgets (she's a single mother). I'm around tonight and made cooked us something and she hardly ate any of it.
I can't be here every day though to check that she has eaten.
She has also told me that she is worried about leaving her house empty. To the point she came home from staying at her mums (20 minutes away) to check she had turned the lights off, then had to check all the doors were closed, got half way back to her mums and then had to go back to check the door was locked.
Because she was back at home she had to check all te lights and doors inside were shut.
I can clearly see this is effecting her day to day. She told me that she didn't meet up with friends because she was scared about leaving her house alone.
We also planned a day out tomorrow, however I can see that it won't happen now.
I want to help but haven't got a clue what I can do. I've tried reassuring her by saying she lives in a busy street with lots of people, so they'll be able to keep an eye on it, and if the worse happens she lives minutes away from the police station. That doesn't seemed to have worked though. (Bit of a long shot really).
She has spoken to her care worker about the anxcity issues and is going to see someone in a couple of weeks about it.
I'm more worried about her not eating. Who would she need to speak to to get help? I'm guessing her GP?
Would it be worth having a quiet word with her mum about my concerns? She lives closer than me and they are quite close to each other (not as in distance).
Any help would be great, I know it needs to be her that gets the help , but I want to support her as much as possible.
I think we've spoken before, IIRC you were entering into a relationship with this person?
1) You're not her carer if you're her friend or b/f - it'll eat you up and sink you if you try to be both. You can be supportive and you can be there for reassurance but proper mental health carers can be better placed to help as they're a bit more distanced
2) She's her own person - if you're overbearing and mollycoddling she'll push you away
3) Beepers can function just fine on no sleep and no food, for a while. Then there'll either be a manic lift or a depressive crash. You just have to watch for the signs, because she probably isnt. If you've got the right communication line try and position it that this is the start of something she should be aware of
You can worry all day, but that wont make her more or less bipolar. It wont go away either, just got to manage it best you can.
When you say 'dont worry' to her, it's the same as saying 'dont cough' to someone with a chest infection. You dont want to, but you have to.
As you've seen, trying a strategy of dismissing the problem (locked doors) wont work because it cant work - her main focus will be on that til it's clear in her mind that the doors are locked. And double checked. You'll just get ignored or feel the wrath that you're not taking her problems seriously.
Home can also be a place of safety if there's the feeling of losing her mind a bit, so personal space will be important to her, and the first reason isnt always the one that's driving the want or need to be somewhere, it's just trying to be normal so you'll understand or to make an excuse so she wont have to go into the full reasons.
I got used to this so had to allow extra time and patience for similar things in my relationship with my ex ex, who was undefined b/p with BPD.
1) You're not her carer if you're her friend or b/f - it'll eat you up and sink you if you try to be both. You can be supportive and you can be there for reassurance but proper mental health carers can be better placed to help as they're a bit more distanced
2) She's her own person - if you're overbearing and mollycoddling she'll push you away
3) Beepers can function just fine on no sleep and no food, for a while. Then there'll either be a manic lift or a depressive crash. You just have to watch for the signs, because she probably isnt. If you've got the right communication line try and position it that this is the start of something she should be aware of
You can worry all day, but that wont make her more or less bipolar. It wont go away either, just got to manage it best you can.
When you say 'dont worry' to her, it's the same as saying 'dont cough' to someone with a chest infection. You dont want to, but you have to.
As you've seen, trying a strategy of dismissing the problem (locked doors) wont work because it cant work - her main focus will be on that til it's clear in her mind that the doors are locked. And double checked. You'll just get ignored or feel the wrath that you're not taking her problems seriously.
Home can also be a place of safety if there's the feeling of losing her mind a bit, so personal space will be important to her, and the first reason isnt always the one that's driving the want or need to be somewhere, it's just trying to be normal so you'll understand or to make an excuse so she wont have to go into the full reasons.
I got used to this so had to allow extra time and patience for similar things in my relationship with my ex ex, who was undefined b/p with BPD.
Edited by andy-xr on Wednesday 1st January 12:47
Thanks 
. It is the same person, but we aren't together, but great friends still .
The bipolar side of things I'm not too worried about as she is getting help, and has a support worker to help with anything. It's more the not eating side of things. Should I be worried or is it part of the bipolar?
She has gone to see the doctor today about it though as she fell over last night after feeling light headed.
And she has eaten today and last night, and does appear to be her 'normal' self, so I'm hoping that she can see/feel the difference and see that eating correctly is important.
. It is the same person, but we aren't together, but great friends still . The bipolar side of things I'm not too worried about as she is getting help, and has a support worker to help with anything. It's more the not eating side of things. Should I be worried or is it part of the bipolar?
She has gone to see the doctor today about it though as she fell over last night after feeling light headed.
And she has eaten today and last night, and does appear to be her 'normal' self, so I'm hoping that she can see/feel the difference and see that eating correctly is important.
Good diet and good sleep regime will work wonders for people with bipolar, but same as the doctor telling people they shouldnt smoke, if the person dont want help, they wont take it! It'll have to be on her terms, you could seed the idea but it needs to be her that comes up with it.
Leaving a few leaflets around seemed to do the trick for me, or 'I've just read this book' and the light goes on that eating is a Good Thing
Good luck!
Leaving a few leaflets around seemed to do the trick for me, or 'I've just read this book' and the light goes on that eating is a Good Thing
Good luck!
andy-xr said:
Good diet and good sleep regime will work wonders for people with bipolar, but same as the doctor telling people they shouldnt smoke, if the person dont want help, they wont take it! It'll have to be on her terms, you could seed the idea but it needs to be her that comes up with it.
Leaving a few leaflets around seemed to do the trick for me, or 'I've just read this book' and the light goes on that eating is a Good Thing
Good luck!
I believe she wants help, hence going to the doctors today. Leaving a few leaflets around seemed to do the trick for me, or 'I've just read this book' and the light goes on that eating is a Good Thing
Good luck!
However, the doctors are s
t. 'You need to speak to your care worker'
'You need to speak to your GP'
Her care worker works twice a week or something stupid.
I've suggested that she needs to keep chasing them up, as although it's important to her, it isn't to them as they will be dealing with other people.
If anyone has any other advice on how to get someone to listen to her, please do share!
andy-xr said:
Check your local NHS trust to see whether they have a Crisis team, this probably isnt a crisis right now, but they're pretty much the Samaritans of mental health and are run from/by the local NHS
Thanks. From what I understand, the Crisis Team is more for if someone is about to harm themselves or others? This is from my very limited experience within the Police, I may be completely wrong though.
I don't believe for a second she will do either of them. Am I wrong in thinking that is what the crisis team are for?
To get some calories inside her, try the likes of Complan: http://amzn.to/1klL245
Very easy to make the drinks.
Very easy to make the drinks.
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