Child soiling herself

[Kudos]

My daughter turned four on Sunday. She is toilet trained and knows when she needs to go to the toilet, however she goes through phases of just soiling herself (pee and poo).

I work away 4 days per week so the missus is at home and deals with it. She is at the end of her tether - she's tried shouting at her, being compassionate but still no luck.

Today she peed herself twice and poo'd once. She can go a couple of weeks with no accidents then go 5 days in a row with accidents. Typically we're in the house when she does it, so no excuse of being out and about.

She's been to the doctor who has ruled out any infection.

Anyone got any recommendations?

[grumbledoak]

Ask her why she is doing it, surely?

ETA- IME they are pretty logical but often have a starting point of "afraid of <something>".

Edited by grumbledoak on Tuesday 18th February 20:23

[Kudos]

grumbledoak said:

Ask her why she is doing it, surely?

Tried it, says she doesn't know she's doing it. My guess is that she's lazy, but need advice who/how to change her behaviour

[Gargamel]

does she do it when she has been told off for something ?

[Kudos]

Gargamel said:

does she do it when she has been told off for something ?

No, we'll be in a good mood and perhaps have plans then she does it. She's a good kid the rest of the time, well behaved and pleasant nature.

[ticmon]

My daughter did similar at the same age. We put it down to the signals that she needs the loo not coming till too late (or her not recognising them). Does she often go from not needing to go to suddenly being desperate?

[Slyjoe]

We have this problem occasionally - sometimes just down to them being too busy with fun things, then all of a sudden it's poo time and too late. Try regular reminders.

[Jumpy Guy]

Two bits of advice -

- remind her often. Pause tv or games, and go with her to the toilet. Take a book, make it fun. If nothing happens,praise her anyway for trying

- get a reward chart on the go. A day with no accidents gets a star. A week of stars gets a magazine/treat

[aw51 121565]

Kudos said:

I work away 4 days per week so the missus is at home and deals with it. She is at the end of her tether - she's tried shouting at her, being compassionate but still no luck.

...

Anyone got any recommendations?

Being polite , your daughter has issues trying to work out what's going on (arguably with regard to the second quoted sentence?)... . She's very unsettled and is thus understandably incontinent at night .

I have two nephews. They both are allowed to stay up late , they argue the toss when discipline/sanctions are mentioned , they are "full of themselves" - and their parents say "well, what can you do?" while looking like Norman "Panda" Lamont when asked what's going on...

Said nephews also get into their parents' bed most nights, and also ps the bed (usually their parents' bed ) with roughly the same frequency - they are aged 4 and 6, and don't know their collective as from their elbows thanks to "modern" (arguably crp) parenting sans meaningful boundaries .

Discuss ...


PS My "sister" was fostered when I was 8 - I consider her my sister though she was never formally adopted and went to Uni a decade later... She "wet the bed" most nights for probably 5 years after coming to us due to her mental/emotional baggage (and her background was pretty grim ).

[NISMOgtr]

Kudos said:

My daughter turned four on Sunday. She is toilet trained and knows when she needs to go to the toilet, however she goes through phases of just soiling herself (pee and poo).

I work away 4 days per week so the missus is at home and deals with it. She is at the end of her tether - she's tried shouting at her, being compassionate but still no luck.

Today she peed herself twice and poo'd once. She can go a couple of weeks with no accidents then go 5 days in a row with accidents. Typically we're in the house when she does it, so no excuse of being out and about.

She's been to the doctor who has ruled out any infection.

Anyone got any recommendations?

I think it's best not to shout at her. Maybe she gets distracted with playing etc? Sometimes kids can get totally immersed in playing and totally forget things like needing to go to the toilet.

[Kudos]

Thanks all for the responses.

I think it is a case of that shes busy playing etc and doesn't think about it until it's too late. Regardless, it's this behaviour that I need to change.

I know shouting isn't the right thing, but what is? She needs to know she's done wrong

[grumbledoak]

Grow up. If she is not doing it intentionally she has not "done wrong".

[Kudos]

grumbledoak said:

Grow up. If she is not doing it intentionally she has not "done wrong".

Grow up? Really?

I come here looking for advice for what is clearly a problem and you feel necessary to be venomous?

[FredClogs]

Kudos said:

Thanks all for the responses.

I think it is a case of that shes busy playing etc and doesn't think about it until it's too late. Regardless, it's this behaviour that I need to change.

I know shouting isn't the right thing, but what is? She needs to know she's done wrong

I'm guessing she starts school in September, if she hasn't stopped by then I should imagine school will give her a bit of a kick in the pants (so to speak).

Have you seen "We need to talk about Kevin"?

[steve singh]

What you need to do is when she sniffs around in circles immediately pick her up and take her to her chosen spot.

When she does it use a single word like 'busy' and then immediately after she has finished praise her profusely and give her a treat. Play with her for 10 mins and then repeat the above.

Slowly she'll associate treats and the desire for you to have her do her business outside.





OR alternatively, as she is a kid, speak to her, re-aasure her, support her and give her love and patience. In the background to this you might want to speak to a doctor to assess her bladder size and/or hormonal development - sometimes too small a bladder or even a lack of a certain hormone creates issues.

[Hugo a Gogo]

Kudos said:

grumbledoak said:

Grow up. If she is not doing it intentionally she has not "done wrong".

Grow up? Really?

I come here looking for advice for what is clearly a problem and you feel necessary to be venomous?

hardly venomous

but your attitude did come off a bit wrong, 'she needs to know she's done wrong' - no she doesn't

[Kudos]

Hugo a Gogo said:

hardly venomous

but your attitude did come off a bit wrong, 'she needs to know she's done wrong' - no she doesn't

Has she done right?

Have you been in this position? Her mother is in tears over this

I'm here looking for advice on how best to change her mindset as this will only become a bigger problem for her the longer it goes on. Would you want your child going to school and being teased?

[Mercury00]

My cousin's daughter started doing it when a new baby came along and she wasn't getting the attention. Anything like that going on?

[steve singh]

Kudos said:

Hugo a Gogo said:

hardly venomous

but your attitude did come off a bit wrong, 'she needs to know she's done wrong' - no she doesn't

Has she done right?

Have you been in this position? Her mother is in tears over this

I'm here looking for advice on how best to change her mindset as this will only become a bigger problem for her the longer it goes on. Would you want your child going to school and being teased?

As per my post above - have you spoken to a medical professional about this?

[Kudos]

steve singh said:

As per my post above - have you spoken to a medical professional about this?

Yes we have and no advice or recommendations given, hence why I'm asking here as there are a lot of helpful and knowledgeable people