Interacting with dementia sufferers - a question.

[BlackLabel]

Hello,

Have recently been visiting an old neighbour of mine who is now in a care home because his wife couldn't cope with him at home.

Late 80s, nothing massively wrong with him other than mobility issues and the onset of dementia so can be confused at times.

Which brings me onto my question - when a person says something which you know is wrong (like claiming a dead friend/relative has been visiting regularly or that they intend to go for a ride on a motorbike later) do you go along with it or should you attempt to correct that person? Essentially it's just harmless gibberish but was wondering if there is a set medical protocol for such things.

Cheers.

[anonymous-user]

Personally - go along with it. You can spend the rest of your life correcting them and sadly it won't help anybody. I've had several family members suffer from it and it's fking horrible, I can't think of anything I'd less like to happen to me

[Hoofy]

Thing about dementia is they can forget recent events like a friend died. Just go with it.

One thing that they do benefit from is talking about the distant past eg where they used to live, holidays they went on.

Mind you, this playing along can backfire. I knew one old lady who pointed towards a window sill saying, "Isn't my dog ever so well-behaved." I followed the line of her finger to see a 1 ft tall statue of a dog. Later that day, I asked her how her pet dog was. She replied, "What dog? I don't own a dog!" I'm sure she was trolling me.

[BlackVanDyke]

BlackLabel said:

Hello,

Have recently been visiting an old neighbour of mine who is now in a care home because his wife couldn't cope with him at home.

Late 80s, nothing massively wrong with him other than mobility issues and the onset of dementia so can be confused at times.

Which brings me onto my question - when a person says something which you know is wrong (like claiming a dead friend/relative has been visiting regularly or that they intend to go for a ride on a motorbike later) do you go along with it or should you attempt to correct that person? Essentially it's just harmless gibberish but was wondering if there is a set medical protocol for such things.

Cheers.

I always would go for a third option: obviously telling them they're wrong/mistaken is pretty much just unkind, but going along with it might leave them feeling even more lost and not being able to 'centre' themselves in the world... but sometimes you can instead go "ah yeah I remember your old Kawasaki, it must have been what, 1984 you got that? It was a great bike eh?" and use it as a bit of a conversation starter, but also set it in the context of 'back when'.

My grandpa had Alzheimer's, and had a phase of asking, in the house he'd lived in for 53 years, when he'd be going home. That one really was difficult because it was so incredibly emotive - we think he was thinking of his boyhood home. Eventually everyone settled on saying something along the lines of "it's okay, we're all stopping here for now so you don't need to worry about catfhing the train" because if you said he was home already he'd just flatly not believe you.

[e21Mark]

I worked in elderly care and usually just played it by ear. My main goal was not to upset anyone, so as long as no-one was being upset, or made more confused, I would just play along or even change the subject.

[Shaw Tarse]

Symbolica said:

Personally - go along with it. You can spend the rest of your life correcting them and sadly it won't help anybody. I've had several family members suffer from it and it's fking horrible, I can't think of anything I'd less like to happen to me

Quite often it's friends & family who suffer more than the person themself.

[Shaw Tarse]

e21Mark said:

I worked in elderly care and usually just played it by ear. My main goal was not to upset anyone, so as long as no-one was being upset, or made more confused, I would just play along or even change the subject.

That's the best way.

[hman]

play along but never completely convincingly - I once told an elderly relative "of course I'll go down the shops and get you (x,y,z)"

she was in a nice care home where they would get you whatever you wanted - however I later got a bking by post from her daughter, apparently the old girl fully expected me to keep my promise, even though she had a memory like a goldfish she had remembered this promise - sods law and I felt very bad.

my mums gone the same way now so power of attorney sorted immediately and no promises made that i dont intend to keep

[mph1977]

e21Mark said:

I worked in elderly care and usually just played it by ear. My main goal was not to upset anyone, so as long as no-one was being upset, or made more confused, I would just play along or even change the subject.

exactly - often the greater difficulty once someone reaches this level of cognitive impairment is with the other relatives etc.

[BlackLabel]

Thanks for all the feedback.