Any family lawyers on here? But of advice needed
Discussion
Bit of background information.
A very close friend of mine has a child with his ex. She's a bit of a nutcase, and tries to be controlling and demanding using the child to get what she wants. Recently he has started to stop taking her BS and stand up for himself more.
Normally he gets his daughter on Monday, and drops her off on the Tuesday so has her for 24 hours.
He works nights, and has three nights off a week. Once a month he gets an extra Saturday night off as well. Since he doesn't get much time to go out with mates he uses this for social life. She has decided that his Saturday nights should be spent being a random baby sitter for her at a moments notice. And if he doesn't do it she withholds the child from him and won't let him see her. It's been four weeks since he had his daughter now. He pays child matainence, it's an agreement they came to without the CSA and I think he pays more than he needs to.
He doesn't really want to take it to court, but he does think a strongly worded letter from someone might be enough to sort her out.
Has anyone got any recommendation on what might be best for him to do?
Thanks
A very close friend of mine has a child with his ex. She's a bit of a nutcase, and tries to be controlling and demanding using the child to get what she wants. Recently he has started to stop taking her BS and stand up for himself more.
Normally he gets his daughter on Monday, and drops her off on the Tuesday so has her for 24 hours.
He works nights, and has three nights off a week. Once a month he gets an extra Saturday night off as well. Since he doesn't get much time to go out with mates he uses this for social life. She has decided that his Saturday nights should be spent being a random baby sitter for her at a moments notice. And if he doesn't do it she withholds the child from him and won't let him see her. It's been four weeks since he had his daughter now. He pays child matainence, it's an agreement they came to without the CSA and I think he pays more than he needs to.
He doesn't really want to take it to court, but he does think a strongly worded letter from someone might be enough to sort her out.
Has anyone got any recommendation on what might be best for him to do?
Thanks
Tje said:
Bit of background information.
A very close friend of mine has a child with his ex. She's a bit of a nutcase, and tries to be controlling and demanding using the child to get what she wants. Recently he has started to stop taking her BS and stand up for himself more.
Normally he gets his daughter on Monday, and drops her off on the Tuesday so has her for 24 hours.
He works nights, and has three nights off a week. Once a month he gets an extra Saturday night off as well. Since he doesn't get much time to go out with mates he uses this for social life. She has decided that his Saturday nights should be spent being a random baby sitter for her at a moments notice. And if he doesn't do it she withholds the child from him and won't let him see her. It's been four weeks since he had his daughter now. He pays child matainence, it's an agreement they came to without the CSA and I think he pays more than he needs to.
He doesn't really want to take it to court, but he does think a strongly worded letter from someone might be enough to sort her out.
Has anyone got any recommendation on what might be best for him to do?
Thanks
IANAL but I've paid a few and learned this: Child maintenance is not linked to access, and the best way to create a small fortune is to start with a large one then engage a lawyer on family law issues.A very close friend of mine has a child with his ex. She's a bit of a nutcase, and tries to be controlling and demanding using the child to get what she wants. Recently he has started to stop taking her BS and stand up for himself more.
Normally he gets his daughter on Monday, and drops her off on the Tuesday so has her for 24 hours.
He works nights, and has three nights off a week. Once a month he gets an extra Saturday night off as well. Since he doesn't get much time to go out with mates he uses this for social life. She has decided that his Saturday nights should be spent being a random baby sitter for her at a moments notice. And if he doesn't do it she withholds the child from him and won't let him see her. It's been four weeks since he had his daughter now. He pays child matainence, it's an agreement they came to without the CSA and I think he pays more than he needs to.
He doesn't really want to take it to court, but he does think a strongly worded letter from someone might be enough to sort her out.
Has anyone got any recommendation on what might be best for him to do?
Thanks
If the maintenance agreement was reached over a year ago he can revisit via the CSA, but should do so before the fees kick in. He must keep paying this even if she is in breach of the access agreement as the courts are likely to jail him for non payment, but they are not likely to jail her for breaching the access agreement as she is the child's primary carer. These are last resorts, the point is he will be penalised quicker than she will, and if he keeps paying he has the higher moral ground.
As far as witholding access goes, my advice would be that he needs to take this on the chin, and make the best of what he does get. He needs to play the long game, his daughter will soon be old enough to (a) know the truth of what is going on and (b) forcibly express her opinion on the matter to her mother. Strongly worded letters from Solicitors may remind the mother there are consequences, but if she has a tendancy to mess him around this won't go away and he could end up throwing a lot of good money after bad. Far better IME to play the long game, karma will see him right.
On the baby sitting it's a difficult one, I had to put up with somethign similar and it really irked at the time. But again, think of the longer game; there may well come a point where he needs flexibility to work in his direction so getting his favours in first will help greatly.
Tje said:
Bit of background information.
A very close friend of mine has a child with his ex. She's a bit of a nutcase, and tries to be controlling and demanding using the child to get what she wants. Recently he has started to stop taking her BS and stand up for himself more.
Normally he gets his daughter on Monday, and drops her off on the Tuesday so has her for 24 hours.
He works nights, and has three nights off a week. Once a month he gets an extra Saturday night off as well. Since he doesn't get much time to go out with mates he uses this for social life. She has decided that his Saturday nights should be spent being a random baby sitter for her at a moments notice. And if he doesn't do it she withholds the child from him and won't let him see her. It's been four weeks since he had his daughter now. He pays child matainence, it's an agreement they came to without the CSA and I think he pays more than he needs to.
He doesn't really want to take it to court, but he does think a strongly worded letter from someone might be enough to sort her out.
Has anyone got any recommendation on what might be best for him to do?
Thanks
Go to Court and have a Contact Order put in place. This sA very close friend of mine has a child with his ex. She's a bit of a nutcase, and tries to be controlling and demanding using the child to get what she wants. Recently he has started to stop taking her BS and stand up for himself more.
Normally he gets his daughter on Monday, and drops her off on the Tuesday so has her for 24 hours.
He works nights, and has three nights off a week. Once a month he gets an extra Saturday night off as well. Since he doesn't get much time to go out with mates he uses this for social life. She has decided that his Saturday nights should be spent being a random baby sitter for her at a moments notice. And if he doesn't do it she withholds the child from him and won't let him see her. It's been four weeks since he had his daughter now. He pays child matainence, it's an agreement they came to without the CSA and I think he pays more than he needs to.
He doesn't really want to take it to court, but he does think a strongly worded letter from someone might be enough to sort her out.
Has anyone got any recommendation on what might be best for him to do?
Thanks
t will never end and the more he allows her to do this, the more and worse it will get. Been there, done it, got the T-Shirt.Edit: Go on the CSA Web Site and use their calculator, or contact them directly and ask. They are quite helpful in this manner.
AS previously stated, CS money is not related to access and must not be witheld regarding access. Any judge will take a dim view of this, even though it is not their jurisdction either.
Excellent advice from toddygti.
It's all about control for a scorned ex. I endured 4 years of crap, had enough and went to CSA who reduced my voluntary payment by over 200pcm.
I then went to court for sensible access order, based on what my youngest wanted. He was guided by his older siblings too. He learnt a lot about his rights to a dad and now demands them, much to her dismay. This all despite him being well under 10 still. Result is now they all make their own choices to see me, which is heaps more than their controlling mother.
Most importantly, getting the law to work in their (& thus my....) favour has resulted in balanced loving paternal relationships. Not even the most angry, controlling and psycho ex can interfere with that. I know, I married her!
Best of luck OP
It's all about control for a scorned ex. I endured 4 years of crap, had enough and went to CSA who reduced my voluntary payment by over 200pcm.
I then went to court for sensible access order, based on what my youngest wanted. He was guided by his older siblings too. He learnt a lot about his rights to a dad and now demands them, much to her dismay. This all despite him being well under 10 still. Result is now they all make their own choices to see me, which is heaps more than their controlling mother.
Most importantly, getting the law to work in their (& thus my....) favour has resulted in balanced loving paternal relationships. Not even the most angry, controlling and psycho ex can interfere with that. I know, I married her!
Best of luck OP
toddygti said:
In addition, one thing to rememeber.
He has no right to see his daughter, and must not mount a court action upon this. It is his daughter that has a right to see her father and it is this that the Mother is obstructing and this is what you should take up with the Family Court
Correct. Parents have no rights over children. Children have rights. Parents have responsibilities.He has no right to see his daughter, and must not mount a court action upon this. It is his daughter that has a right to see her father and it is this that the Mother is obstructing and this is what you should take up with the Family Court
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