Elderly(ish) parents divorcing

[popegregory]

I guess I'm just looking for advice on what I can do to help them both. They're both 70 and dads started divorce proceedings against mum after 50 years together. He still works and has his own business, she stopped working when I was born to raise me and my brother (and we're now both grown up and trying to stay as neutral as possible).

They both have solicitors involved, so is it best left to them? Dads a very young 70, he works abroad a lot and has a fair bit of energy but mum, as a side effect of what she's done (and us moving a few times as kids due to real financial hardship) doesn't have much of a support network. As I said, I'm not taking sides but, paradoxically, need to make sure I can console a fairly distraught mum as she has no idea of whats going to happen or where she's going to live.

Thanks.

[singlecoil]

Any idea why they are divorcing? Is it inevitable?

[PurpleMoonlight]

50:50 based on the value of everything including the business. Equal split of any pensions. Possible spousal maintenance for your mum while dad is still working.

[bad company]

Sounds like your dad may have found a younger model.

[StuntmanMike]

I can't offer any advice op other than what a shot situation.
Will your Dad do right by your Mum? Have you spoke to him about it?

[popegregory]

No I haven't, as I said, I'm trying to stay neutral in it. I think Dad might be of the opinion that he just hands her some money and walks away. I'm having a look into social housing to see how it all works.

[TwigtheWonderkid]

popegregory said:

dads started divorce proceedings against mum after 50 years together.

They said it would never last.

[slippery]

bad company said:

Sounds like your dad may have found a younger model.

Certainly does, although I guess you can never be sure.

[popegregory]

They've not been happy together for a very long time, they stayed together because of me and my brother and because they saw it as the done thing. Now brothers married and I'm as good as, I think dad just saw that there was more to life and couldn't go on with the arguing and bickering.

[Tony 1234]

Probably quite a lot of knowing someone for 50 year couples would like to do the same thing but dare not!

[9mm]

popegregory said:

No I haven't, as I said, I'm trying to stay neutral in it. I think Dad might be of the opinion that he just hands her some money and walks away. I'm having a look into social housing to see how it all works.

Are you genuinely that naive that you think there's even a possibility of that happening?

It could happen - if your mum is as innocent as you seem to be, but otherwise hello 50:50 at least.

[popegregory]

I'm not sure how you'd go more than 50:50 but the issue is if they each get 50:50 of not very much then what do we do about making sure mums got somewhere suitable to live?

[TwigtheWonderkid]

popegregory said:

They've not been happy together for a very long time, they stayed together because of me and my brother and because they saw it as the done thing.

They were probably waiting for the kids to die.

[rewc]

popegregory said:

I'm not sure how you'd go more than 50:50 but the issue is if they each get 50:50 of not very much then what do we do about making sure mums got somewhere suitable to live?

It may start of at 50:50 but then the bartering will start and if they cannot agree a Judge will make the final decision. Your mother could not at her age be expected to provide for herself and it is possible that she could be given all the property and part of any pensions. The marriage has been a long one and I am sure your Mother's solicitor will be telling her she has a strong hand and my guess is that at the end of it all she gets the majority share of the assets. Freedom for your father will I think come at a price.


https://www.gov.uk/money-property-when-relationshi...

[popegregory]

rewc said:

popegregory said:

I'm not sure how you'd go more than 50:50 but the issue is if they each get 50:50 of not very much then what do we do about making sure mums got somewhere suitable to live?

It may start of at 50:50 but then the bartering will start and if they cannot agree a Judge will make the final decision. Your mother could not at her age be expected to provide for herself and it is possible that she could be given all the property and part of any pensions. The marriage has been a long one and I am sure your Mother's solicitor will be telling her she has a strong hand and my guess is that at the end of it all she gets the majority share of the assets. Freedom for your father will I think come at a price.


https://www.gov.uk/money-property-when-relationshi...

Thanks very much for this.

Sorry but I should have clarified; there is no house. We lost it 15 years ago and they've been renting ever since.

[rewc]

popegregory said:

Thanks very much for this.

Sorry but I should have clarified; there is no house. We lost it 15 years ago and they've been renting ever since.

Then as part of the final settlement the court could insist that your Father provides sufficiently to keep your Mother in the manner she has been accustomed to. They are not going to see a 70 year old woman in a 50 year marriage in hardship.

[Rick101]

rewc said:

in the manner she has been accustomed to.

I absolutely fking despise this!

Definitely top ten on things that irritate me.

[rewc]

Rick101 said:

I absolutely fking despise this!

Definitely top ten on things that irritate me.

Pays to be careful when you say "with all my worldly goods I thee endow"

[Vaud]

rewc said:

Pays to be careful when you say "with all my worldly goods I thee endow"

Which does not appear on registry office wedding vows, FYI.

[popegregory]

Rick101 said:

I absolutely fking despise this!

Definitely top ten on things that irritate me.

Yeah, but without being biased, there's a difference between supportive wife of 50 years and (for example) bird who marries a footballer and decides shopping is better than working.