Wife on the change or am I looking for excuses?Long post.
Discussion
I know someone who in a very similar position to you and my advice to him as it is to you is to spit up sell up and enjoy the rest of your life rather than making all the sarafice to keep her happy!!!! However I suspect as does he you will ignore this advice and do what you have already decided in your head and carry on living miserable in order for a "easy life"!
No dependant kids,son has put himself through uni and is working full time between terms.Comes home every couple of weeks.
The house is up for sale at the minute,she is intent on us going living on the East coast.If the house sells I will drop it on her then that we are no more.Might take a while but I feel determined.
The house is up for sale at the minute,she is intent on us going living on the East coast.If the house sells I will drop it on her then that we are no more.Might take a while but I feel determined.
Edited by eddy02 on Saturday 2nd August 08:46
Do you love her?
Or at least like her?
You must have done sometime or presumably you would not have married her. I think you need to be honest with yourself, sit her down and have a LONG chat with her about the future.
Do you go out together on days out, do you still communicate, or basically live seperate lives?
Explain how you are feeling, ask her is anything bothering her....
You only live once, and it is good that you have no young children to consider, but you have to ask yourself is this a marriage worth saving.
Nobody said marriage was easy, you have to work hard at it sometimes......
Good luck.
WR.
(Married 34 years, you only get ten for murder....
..)
Or at least like her?
You must have done sometime or presumably you would not have married her. I think you need to be honest with yourself, sit her down and have a LONG chat with her about the future.
Do you go out together on days out, do you still communicate, or basically live seperate lives?
Explain how you are feeling, ask her is anything bothering her....
You only live once, and it is good that you have no young children to consider, but you have to ask yourself is this a marriage worth saving.
Nobody said marriage was easy, you have to work hard at it sometimes......
Good luck.
WR.
(Married 34 years, you only get ten for murder....
..)
I visit my Mum and Dad occasionally, they have been together somewhere near 50 years, he is (an active) 72.
My Dad seems to have simply accepted that he will be moaned at, criticised and told what to do 24/7.
He worked right up to retirement, Mum hadnt had full time work since I was born (46 years ago!) and had major heart surgery about 3 years ago.
I do wonder why some people stick it out, maybe because they are from another era, unsure of what it will be like on their own. My first marriage was a mistake and decided that there was something more to what we then had, after a series of arguments I told her, I want out.
That was over 15 years ago, Im now married again with a smashing 7 yr old son that I never thought would happen.
Things arent always rosy ,but a bloody lot better than the first time!
Dont spend this life wondering if you made the wrong decision, youre questioning your marriage and why you are in it and it doesnt sound like your wife is the sort to change.
Sounds like she is calling the shots and resents the fact you are making decisions for her (car wise). If you are as you say doing the majority of the house work and looking after her, she will find it bloody hard to adapt if you do split. You on the other hand should enjoy the silence!
My Dad seems to have simply accepted that he will be moaned at, criticised and told what to do 24/7.
He worked right up to retirement, Mum hadnt had full time work since I was born (46 years ago!) and had major heart surgery about 3 years ago.
I do wonder why some people stick it out, maybe because they are from another era, unsure of what it will be like on their own. My first marriage was a mistake and decided that there was something more to what we then had, after a series of arguments I told her, I want out.
That was over 15 years ago, Im now married again with a smashing 7 yr old son that I never thought would happen.
Things arent always rosy ,but a bloody lot better than the first time!
Dont spend this life wondering if you made the wrong decision, youre questioning your marriage and why you are in it and it doesnt sound like your wife is the sort to change.
Sounds like she is calling the shots and resents the fact you are making decisions for her (car wise). If you are as you say doing the majority of the house work and looking after her, she will find it bloody hard to adapt if you do split. You on the other hand should enjoy the silence!
chippy348 said:
I would get out and enjoy the rest of your life!
I would speak to my wife of nearly 30 years and explain how serious this situation is for me (you, OP)She may feel unhappy too, she may however not realise how unhappy you are and want to make more effort
If you do continue, you need to stand up for yourself more. Living with things 'for a quiet life' can turn you into a doormat with a certain type of woman and, as a person, you have to be either monumentally patient or laid back to the point of horizontal to deal with it
All in my humble opinion.
Most marriages are unhappy after 20 years. Many are happy but most are just accepting that there is an older, less attractive partner than when they married. They have less sex (if any) and theyre unhappy.
The guys I know that are happy are the single ones in their 50s who work, have adult kids and go golfing holidays, city breaks with mates and so on. Car shows, nice cars etc.
Do you look forward to coming home and seeing her or dread the nagging as you come through the door?
Do you ever just want to go to the park to talk and be together?
Do you ever just sit and talk or go out for dinner, just the two of you?
Do you have a healthy sex life?
You know the answers - at 50 you still have 20-25 healthy, active years.
Id be in spain in the sunshine if I were you!
Most marriages are unhappy after 20 years. Many are happy but most are just accepting that there is an older, less attractive partner than when they married. They have less sex (if any) and theyre unhappy.
The guys I know that are happy are the single ones in their 50s who work, have adult kids and go golfing holidays, city breaks with mates and so on. Car shows, nice cars etc.
Do you look forward to coming home and seeing her or dread the nagging as you come through the door?
Do you ever just want to go to the park to talk and be together?
Do you ever just sit and talk or go out for dinner, just the two of you?
Do you have a healthy sex life?
You know the answers - at 50 you still have 20-25 healthy, active years.
Id be in spain in the sunshine if I were you!
Earlier on today she asked me if there was something wrong,I said 'Er,yes of course there is,do you expect me to just act normal after your rant the other day,blaming me for something that happened seven years ago,something that you have been stewing on all this time,something that I thought was a positive (choosing a car that lasted seven years) but you have turned it into an argument because you think I made you spend your money on that Honda.' (Made me very confused).
Personally I would not have even looked at a car like that if I had been buying it,I would not have given it a moments thought so why would I have made her spend her money on it.
Now she is sulking,why I just dont know,she is a very complicated peson.
I am going to sit quietly and have a think.
Many people have said what I know to be the truth,I will take on board the comments.Ta.
Personally I would not have even looked at a car like that if I had been buying it,I would not have given it a moments thought so why would I have made her spend her money on it.
Now she is sulking,why I just dont know,she is a very complicated peson.
I am going to sit quietly and have a think.
Many people have said what I know to be the truth,I will take on board the comments.Ta.
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