Cars that beep, bong and tell you what to do

[anonymous-user]

Currently have a loan car while mine is having work done to it, the loaner is an audi a5 and I think it is the most annoying car. It beeps and bongs all the time, always displaying messages about some insignificant risk. Its like having your mother in law from hell in the car.

When did manufacturers start making cars that made owners life a living nightmare? Are all new cars like this?

So glad it is going back on Monday as it is hateful.

Why would anyone buy a car like this?

[somynameiswhat]

I believe a lot of Chris Bangle era cars do this, like the E60, E63, E65 etc. Even after him BMW's still do this.

[Funk]

Blame NCAP.

[marsred]

somynameiswhat said:

I believe a lot of Chris Bangle era cars do this, like the E60, E63, E65 etc. Even after him BMW's still do this.

Yes, I have an E60 and it bongs for EVERYTHING. The low washer fluid bong is the same as the brakes-have-failed-and-you're-going-to-die bong. It would be more bearable were there degrees of bong, from gentle through to dramatic, or at least bongs that indicate the likely cost to rectify the bong inducing situation.

[0a]

A Bork bong?

[Fantuzzi]

I don't mind it too much in the mr2, it bongs if the doors open, or if the lights are left on, that's it. I think that's about right.

But I know some cars can be overly 'helpful'.

The car from the petrolicious april fools video bonged when you took the keys out of the ignition...

[JakeT]

Be grateful... Lots of American cars do all of those bongs, but also bong when the key is put in the ignition and not turned, a different bong when you turn the key on and the same thing when stopping the engine. Because Americans leave their keys in the car a lot it seems...

[kev b]

Chryslers do this as do Peugeot vans, I find it very irritating, my BMW does it as well but the sound is not as insistent.

[eltax91]

My e60 did them all

Door open
Lights on
Auto box not in P when door open
It drops below 3 degrees
Seatbelt off
It things the tyres have lost 1psi
Oil is at minimum
Coolant low
Someone farted

Bloody annoying.

[powerstroke]

I took the cluster out found the speaker and now bliss !!!!
Highly recommended

[X5TUU]

In my A6 and TT you can turn MOST of them off, like the speed warnings, and other more annoying ones ... Fuel, oil, temp, washer fluid, doors and lights are mandatory unless you have vagcom which can manipulate some (or so I believe)

[chibbard]

Engineers need to keep themselves in a job so invent all sorts of pointless things I guess.

[anonymous-user]

Engineers don't invent these things, some idiot upstairs creates a set of requirements, The Annoy the Customer PRD is created. This is then implemented by the engineers downstairs through gritted teeth because they know all it will do is annoy the customer but the idiot upstairs can now tick his boxes on a waste of time spreadsheet.

But we all have to suffer with it..

[gazchap]

The first E60 M5 I had suffered so many issues, that after about 6 months the "bong" filled me with panic and dread.

Frustrating when, as said above, the E60 bong is the same whether you're running low on fuel or whether your gearbox has just blown itself to bits all over the road :P

[BoRED S2upid]

Hate them with a passion especially modern cars telling me to change gear at 2000 rpm I will change gear when I want that may well be at 4 or 5000 rpm god damn computers trying to run my life.

[marsred]

0a said:

A Bork bong?

Exactly, maybe a trombone "clown fell in the custard" sound.

[Mastiff]

Our Renault Parts van acutally turns the radio down, so it can bong at you louder when you haven't got your seatbelt on.

[iva cosworth]

Can we blame the Maestro for this ?

My cars only have lights left on noises and the Convertible has a "don't put the top down if the boot is open"

noise.

[MajorProblem]

marsred said:

0a said:

A Bork bong?

Exactly, maybe a trombone "clown fell in the custard" sound.

http://m.sadtrombone.com

:-)

[rscott]

My old Saab 9-3 used the same BONGGG! sound for everything.. Scared the pants of me one night - making progress down some nice twisty backroads in the middle of nowhere with the dash in night panel mode (only speedo illuminated) when suddenly BONGGG! and the whole dashboard lights up to say.... screenwash low.
In a Saab, that usually means you're down to the last litre.

The other half has a Focus with keyless entry and start. When leaving work, she has to drive 10 yards to the gate then get out to secure it. She doesn't usually bother with a belt for that little stretch. By the time she's got there and opened the door with the engine still running, the car has thrown a complete wobbly. Seat belt warning, parking sensor going off and then the 'please don't leave me' alarm too..