Vehicle related Jokes?

[Lexual]

Share your favourites...

Here's one I see recently.. an oldie but made me chuckle...


A husband went to the police station to file a "missing person" report for his missing wife. The following conversation took place.

Husband. I lost my wife, she went shopping and hasn't come back yet.

Policeman. What is her height?

Husband. I never checked.

Policeman. Slim or fat?

Husband. Not slim, not fat.

Policeman. Colour of eyes?

Husband. Never noticed.

Policeman. Colour of hair?

Husband. Changes according to season.

Policeman. What was she wearing?

Husband. Not sure whether it was a dress or a suit.

Policeman. Was she driving?

Husband. Yes.

Policeman. Colour of the car?

Husband. Black Audi A8 with supercharged 3.0 litre V6 engine generating 333 horse power teamed with an eight-speed automatic transmission with manual mode. And it has full LED headlights, which use light emitting diodes for all light functions and has a very thin scratch on the front left door , and then the husband started crying.

Policeman. Don't worry sir, we will find your car.

[Zyp]

Why does a Skoda have a heated rear window?

[Lexual]

......?

[vx220]

Zyp said:

Why does a Skoda have a heated rear window?

To keep your hands warm while you push it?

[Hoofy]

"So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up, and he said 'You've been promoted.' And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said "You've been promoted again.' And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I said 'I careered off the road.'

[Hoofy]

So a penguin is driving his car in the desert. All of sudden his car breaks down. Luckily, he's pretty close to gas station. So he waddles behind his car and pushes it to the gas station. He asks the mechanic to take a look and find the problem. Mechanic tells him to come back in 30 minutes. So the penguin is getting hot being in the desert and all, and decides to find something to cool him off. He goes in the convenience store and buys some vanilla ice cream. He eats the ice cream and makes a big mess on his face. Finally he goes back to the mechanic to find out the problem. Mechanic says," Looks like you blew a seal." To which the penguin replies, "No, no. It's just a little ice cream."

[Hilts]

Hoofy said:

"So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up, and he said 'You've been promoted.' And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said "You've been promoted again.' And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I said 'I careered off the road.'

I just spat vodka all over my steering wheel.

[Hoofy]

Hilts said:

I just spat vodka all over my steering wheel.

And that is why you shouldn't drink and drive.

[ging84]

I noticed a couple of weeks ago on a James may show, that he seemed to think all the skoda jokes i remember from when i was a kid were lada jokes. Is it a generational thing?
What car is the subject of these jokes now?

[miniman]

Hoofy said:

"So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up, and he said 'You've been promoted.' And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said "You've been promoted again.' And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I said 'I careered off the road.'

Just like that.

[Hoofy]

miniman said:

Just like that.

Him or Tim Vine?