Work colleague help!
Discussion
When I started with the company I work for a manager was assigned to me. I had to fill in some relevant paperwork and part of this is a SQEP (suitably qualified and experienced) form, all it is a form to show history of competencies. I filled it in as best I could and the assigned manager chap looked at it and disagreed with some of the information that I’d written. He got quite loud and animated in a half raised quivering excited voice. I almost suggested us getting a room as in the open plan office I was getting embarrassed. This happened on a couple of occasions.
Anyway, he was given a new roll and hence not my manager anymore which is great but he’s been tasked with helping me on a project, dam.
This morning he’s been looking for me suggesting I left early last night and was late this morning, he’s at my desk and getting emotional with me about some work I’ve done. When he left someone did comment about his demeanour.
Following his comments about me leaving early and being late I sent him this:
“Hello,
Just a heads up.
I just heard that you thought I’d left early yesterday, I was in the office at 5pm. It’s usual for me to leave at 5pm daily or just after depending on work, if you need me in future then I shall be in the office up to then.
Some mornings I may run a few minutes either side of 830, as this morning. A quick call to me at 830am is all that’s required to see if I’m here. I have no leave planned so unless I am ill I will be in the office.”
How do I deal with him, can I tell him to calm down, how do I be more assertive with him without lowering myself to his style? He affects my emotional state!
Anyway, he was given a new roll and hence not my manager anymore which is great but he’s been tasked with helping me on a project, dam.
This morning he’s been looking for me suggesting I left early last night and was late this morning, he’s at my desk and getting emotional with me about some work I’ve done. When he left someone did comment about his demeanour.
Following his comments about me leaving early and being late I sent him this:
“Hello,
Just a heads up.
I just heard that you thought I’d left early yesterday, I was in the office at 5pm. It’s usual for me to leave at 5pm daily or just after depending on work, if you need me in future then I shall be in the office up to then.
Some mornings I may run a few minutes either side of 830, as this morning. A quick call to me at 830am is all that’s required to see if I’m here. I have no leave planned so unless I am ill I will be in the office.”
How do I deal with him, can I tell him to calm down, how do I be more assertive with him without lowering myself to his style? He affects my emotional state!
Best to have a sit down discussion now to let them know you wont bend to their childish behaviour. Once they know that you wont be easily manipulated they will tend to get on with it.
Really important to set the scene early though. I have had situations like this in the past and rued the fact that I bowed to their seniority.
Really important to set the scene early though. I have had situations like this in the past and rued the fact that I bowed to their seniority.
AndrewEH1 said:
What does your current manager think of this guy?
Thanks for your comments!The engineering manager, his manager, knew there was a problem with his interpersonal skills. When I spoke to his manager about this problem he suggested that he would be moved out of his position, and he was but now he’s back.
If he starts to get emotional again I will ask that we get a room as to not disturb others. He gets so frustrated that I don’t know what he’s talking about, this is due to his 30 years in the nuclear business verses my months!
I need to learn coping with difficult people skills.
Any tips appreciated!
Funkycoldribena said:
Where is this water retainer you're both working on?
Erm?I spoke to my and his manager again. Apparently that’s this chap’s demeanour; he speaks to everyone like they’re dumb and gets into an argument. That’s a little helpful knowing it’s not personal but doesn’t make me feel better. My manager did say if he gets me down or if I can’t work with him then to let him know.
Tips more than welcome!
Sadly there is not always a way to deal with people like this. I work on projects and often come across very difficult stakeholders.
All you can do is understand what they are like, how they behave, what their expectations of you are and try to work with that in mind. If there are ways to limit his emotional reactions then try to do so. Sadly there is not always a suitable way to manage such people. As you also work on projects it may be a case of sticking it out BUT keep your and his manager appraised of the situation in case it spirals.
Stu
All you can do is understand what they are like, how they behave, what their expectations of you are and try to work with that in mind. If there are ways to limit his emotional reactions then try to do so. Sadly there is not always a suitable way to manage such people. As you also work on projects it may be a case of sticking it out BUT keep your and his manager appraised of the situation in case it spirals.
Stu
Unfortunately you don't get to chose your colleagues, unless you are the big boss who does all the hiring and firing.
Sometimes you got to act with sincerity and put up with colleagues strange ways no matter how strongly you feel.
If he is like that with everyone you just got to get used to it and reduce your sensitivity.
Sometimes you got to act with sincerity and put up with colleagues strange ways no matter how strongly you feel.
If he is like that with everyone you just got to get used to it and reduce your sensitivity.
Their is a guy at my place who's like this, animated, swears too much etc.
My tactic is to just stop speaking and just listen to him rant, best to just let people like this vent & try not to take it personally. I have on a couple of occasions waved someone senior over to have a word, I wouldn't engage with this problem directly, let HR & his line manager deal with it.
My tactic is to just stop speaking and just listen to him rant, best to just let people like this vent & try not to take it personally. I have on a couple of occasions waved someone senior over to have a word, I wouldn't engage with this problem directly, let HR & his line manager deal with it.
I can't help but feel like your are treating this colleague as you would a friend. You need to stop being so sensitive and treat this relationship as purely work related with defined boundaries. You obviously don't want this chap as a friend so stop trying.
Starting an e-mail 'with just a heads up' - No, just no. Plus he's not your manager and it's not his place to discuss your time keeping with you so don't even entertain the idea of discussing it with him. Raise this with your manager as a concern, if not just to cover your own back so you have a record and your side of the story on file.
Is this a large company you work for with a HR department? Read your contract, do's and don't's and play by the rules. If he starts harassing you again, embarrassing you, warn him and ask him to stop (you have every right), if you feel the need stop the meeting or discussion, stop it and walk away until he has calmed down. If he continues, report it to your manager first, then HR if nothing happens and above all get it on record, HR will keep him away from you. People like this are bullies without even realising it, don't give him an inch.
It sounds to me like you haven't had the confidence to discuss the issue directly with this guy, maybe he has no idea what he's doing? Maybe pull him to one side and a quick chat might wake him up to his antics. If not, then he's fair game for the HR crosshair.
Starting an e-mail 'with just a heads up' - No, just no. Plus he's not your manager and it's not his place to discuss your time keeping with you so don't even entertain the idea of discussing it with him. Raise this with your manager as a concern, if not just to cover your own back so you have a record and your side of the story on file.
Is this a large company you work for with a HR department? Read your contract, do's and don't's and play by the rules. If he starts harassing you again, embarrassing you, warn him and ask him to stop (you have every right), if you feel the need stop the meeting or discussion, stop it and walk away until he has calmed down. If he continues, report it to your manager first, then HR if nothing happens and above all get it on record, HR will keep him away from you. People like this are bullies without even realising it, don't give him an inch.
It sounds to me like you haven't had the confidence to discuss the issue directly with this guy, maybe he has no idea what he's doing? Maybe pull him to one side and a quick chat might wake him up to his antics. If not, then he's fair game for the HR crosshair.
Edited by EnthusiastOwned on Tuesday 4th November 12:25
Hmm, tough one. He's probably a highly stressed individual and ranting is his way to cope with it. Remember that this is his problem, not yours!
Sensible advice :
(i) remain professional.
(ii) keep a record of every time that his behaviour concerns you. This will be useful if you ever have to talk to HR.
(iii) keep a log of every action/task you are given and update it when they are complete - assuming you are doing your job, then this will prove you are delivering on time.
(iv) Discuss this with your manager. If necessary take it to a private meeting room. You do not want to be seen as a sneak, so ensure that you have evidence that (a) his behaviour is inappropriatem and (b) not warranted (hence why you log your work).
none-sensible advice :
(i) Wait until a gap in one of his rants, then ask him "Have you finished now?". One of my colleagues did this to a similar ranty Project Manager publicly embarassing him.
(ii) Take him quietly aside and tell him in no uncertain terms what you think of him.
(iii) Sit him down and give him the "Get Carter Big man speach".
(iv) shank.
When I was younger and more easily bullied I would have gone for the sensible advice. As I get older and more confident I'm not willing to put up with people like this anymore, so I would go straight to public embarassment.
Sensible advice :
(i) remain professional.
(ii) keep a record of every time that his behaviour concerns you. This will be useful if you ever have to talk to HR.
(iii) keep a log of every action/task you are given and update it when they are complete - assuming you are doing your job, then this will prove you are delivering on time.
(iv) Discuss this with your manager. If necessary take it to a private meeting room. You do not want to be seen as a sneak, so ensure that you have evidence that (a) his behaviour is inappropriatem and (b) not warranted (hence why you log your work).
none-sensible advice :
(i) Wait until a gap in one of his rants, then ask him "Have you finished now?". One of my colleagues did this to a similar ranty Project Manager publicly embarassing him.
(ii) Take him quietly aside and tell him in no uncertain terms what you think of him.
(iii) Sit him down and give him the "Get Carter Big man speach".
(iv) shank.
When I was younger and more easily bullied I would have gone for the sensible advice. As I get older and more confident I'm not willing to put up with people like this anymore, so I would go straight to public embarassment.
If he comes to your desk you are sitting down while he is standing. Immediately puts him in a dominant position. Stand up. You don't have to tower over him or get close just get to his eye level. If he starts a rant, take a step forward, don't break eye contact. Speak calmly and professionally. If he continues then you state in a loud voice for all to hear "I think you need to calm down before we continue this discussion" (The spectators are now predisposed to believe he's the one causing the problem, like when the police say "Stop resisting" while they throw in a few sly punches 
). If he continues after that then he looks like the total prick he is.
If he doesn't learn, shank him. Try to make it look like suicide.
). If he continues after that then he looks like the total prick he is.If he doesn't learn, shank him. Try to make it look like suicide.
tangerine_sedge said:
(i) Wait until a gap in one of his rants, then ask him "Have you finished now?". One of my colleagues did this to a similar ranty Project Manager publicly embarassing him.
(
Oh yeah - very good call (
This is as close as you can get in your job to smacking someone in the gob (without loosing your job)!
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