Depression, work and career break/unpaid leave.
Discussion
Righty here is a long odd one.
I'd like others input but don't give me stick for this question.
I suffer from depression and I am on medication for it.
Work had me do a consultation with occupational health.
The outcome was they said I'd be a highly likely chance of absence and to try and look
At ways to help me.
I need time away from work as it is stressful and not helping my mental state.
I have asked for unpaid leave so I can go and do something else for a few months to give me
A break from that work.
My work are known for not being fans of career breaks or unpaid leave and could possibly respond with
"If he wants time off as he isn't feeling capable of work, then he should be off sick"
I know if I go off sick, I can't work for anyone else as I'm signed off as not fit for work.
I know being in the house will drive me nuts so could I offer to work for someone for free as "volunteer" or "assistance"
As to not be working and not be legally in the wrong.
I'm just wondering so any positive or constrictive replies would be appreciated.
I'd like others input but don't give me stick for this question.
I suffer from depression and I am on medication for it.
Work had me do a consultation with occupational health.
The outcome was they said I'd be a highly likely chance of absence and to try and look
At ways to help me.
I need time away from work as it is stressful and not helping my mental state.
I have asked for unpaid leave so I can go and do something else for a few months to give me
A break from that work.
My work are known for not being fans of career breaks or unpaid leave and could possibly respond with
"If he wants time off as he isn't feeling capable of work, then he should be off sick"
I know if I go off sick, I can't work for anyone else as I'm signed off as not fit for work.
I know being in the house will drive me nuts so could I offer to work for someone for free as "volunteer" or "assistance"
As to not be working and not be legally in the wrong.
I'm just wondering so any positive or constrictive replies would be appreciated.
I would try and get a period of unpaid leave agreed and then go do some voluntary work. You could get involved as a trustee or on the board of a charity it would help develop different skills and experiences which if/when you returned to work could add some value to your job and employee.
Vicious, int'it? You need the job for the money, but it's causing you problems and you dont want to do it.
I got to the point where I said to myself it's not worth being put through the mangle for any money, jacked it and went looking for something else. It cost me financially, I'll be paying back debt for years and I needed help. I was almost bankrupt but money can come and go, it's not the end of the world if you have a circle around you who can help.
I found a job that's more flexible on travel and time and workload. It pays less, but gives me time to do what I want to do. For me that was working at a relationship, and I also volunteer at our local night shelter. I'm a firm believer, or convert, to the idea of 'you'll not lay on your deathbed wishing you'd worked more'
It's where you draw your line. There's no shame in stepping down, stepping sideways, the mentality of 'always be better, rise to the top' in a work environment is b
ks.
I think if you can get together some possible outcomes of a conversation with the bosses, write them down as what might actually happen, then find one or two you'd like to come away with, you might be in a better position to discuss with them. You've said so far that you think they're not going to do xyz, and you think they'll say abc, but until you know it's just a guess. Have a rough plan how the conversation might go though before you jump in to something you cant get out of.
I got to the point where I said to myself it's not worth being put through the mangle for any money, jacked it and went looking for something else. It cost me financially, I'll be paying back debt for years and I needed help. I was almost bankrupt but money can come and go, it's not the end of the world if you have a circle around you who can help.
I found a job that's more flexible on travel and time and workload. It pays less, but gives me time to do what I want to do. For me that was working at a relationship, and I also volunteer at our local night shelter. I'm a firm believer, or convert, to the idea of 'you'll not lay on your deathbed wishing you'd worked more'
It's where you draw your line. There's no shame in stepping down, stepping sideways, the mentality of 'always be better, rise to the top' in a work environment is b
ks. I think if you can get together some possible outcomes of a conversation with the bosses, write them down as what might actually happen, then find one or two you'd like to come away with, you might be in a better position to discuss with them. You've said so far that you think they're not going to do xyz, and you think they'll say abc, but until you know it's just a guess. Have a rough plan how the conversation might go though before you jump in to something you cant get out of.
Edited by andy-xr on Wednesday 18th February 10:42
andy-xr said:
Vicious, int'it? You need the job for the money, but it's causing you problems and you dont want to do it.
I got to the point where I said to myself it's not worth being put through the mangle for any money, jacked it and went looking for something else. It cost me financially, I'll be paying back debt for years and I needed help. I was almost bankrupt but money can come and go, it's not the end of the world if you have a circle around you who can help.
I found a job that's more flexible on travel and time and workload. It pays less, but gives me time to do what I want to do. For me that was working at a relationship, and I also volunteer at our local night shelter. I'm a firm believer, or convert, to the idea of 'you'll not lay on your deathbed wishing you'd worked more'
It's where you draw your line. There's no shame in stepping down, stepping sideways, the mentality of 'always be better, rise to the top' in a work environment is bks.
I think if you can get together some possible outcomes of a conversation with the bosses, write them down as what might actually happen, then find one or two you'd like to come away with, you might be in a better position to discuss with them. You've said so far that you think they're not going to do xyz, and you think they'll say abc, but until you know it's just a guess. Have a rough plan how the conversation might go though before you jump in to something you cant get out of.
Can you be my Mentor, that's exactly what i wanted to here from someone else. I got to the point where I said to myself it's not worth being put through the mangle for any money, jacked it and went looking for something else. It cost me financially, I'll be paying back debt for years and I needed help. I was almost bankrupt but money can come and go, it's not the end of the world if you have a circle around you who can help.
I found a job that's more flexible on travel and time and workload. It pays less, but gives me time to do what I want to do. For me that was working at a relationship, and I also volunteer at our local night shelter. I'm a firm believer, or convert, to the idea of 'you'll not lay on your deathbed wishing you'd worked more'
It's where you draw your line. There's no shame in stepping down, stepping sideways, the mentality of 'always be better, rise to the top' in a work environment is b
ks. I think if you can get together some possible outcomes of a conversation with the bosses, write them down as what might actually happen, then find one or two you'd like to come away with, you might be in a better position to discuss with them. You've said so far that you think they're not going to do xyz, and you think they'll say abc, but until you know it's just a guess. Have a rough plan how the conversation might go though before you jump in to something you cant get out of.
Edited by andy-xr on Wednesday 18th February 10:42
time to do something i want to do, regardless of money, happiness is more important than wealth. thanks again.
I see exactly that point,i always see the point of, why work to make money to pay money to enjoy life, when you could just enjoy life to start with and not worry about work.
Its just being scared of the leap into the unknown and that leap doesn't seem easy when you have depression sitting looming over you.
I had my interview/assessment day and got a phonecall 5hrs after I left saying i've been put on the standby list so if any current reps drop out, i fill in.
I try to look for jobs i'd enjoy no matter the money but hard to find any.
Its just being scared of the leap into the unknown and that leap doesn't seem easy when you have depression sitting looming over you.
I had my interview/assessment day and got a phonecall 5hrs after I left saying i've been put on the standby list so if any current reps drop out, i fill in.
I try to look for jobs i'd enjoy no matter the money but hard to find any.
Being busy and active is one key action in helping overcome the problems. You are suggesting a temporary change in direction to assist in your recovery. This should be emphasised as a known factor in assisting recovery.
A career break has got to be better for them as well - unpaid presumably. If they want it as sick it will cost them a minimum of SSP.
A career break has got to be better for them as well - unpaid presumably. If they want it as sick it will cost them a minimum of SSP.
Looking for a new job can be a full time job in itself, luck and timing really play a part in finding the most suitable (there's never a perfect). When I came out of mine, the one that felt like it was strangling me, I fell into something that wasnt right, but used that time to look and see, generally get a feel for where I wanted to be ending up. For me I knew I needed to be away from a dhead boss.
It's my belief that people dont generally leave companies, they leave managers, and I had a string of them who were micromanaging bullies, ruling by threats, and encouraged work practices that I didnt agree with. For example, email came in Friday morning - 'get out to Arizona on Monday, I'm saving your arse and covering you with the big boss, you need to go fix this problem we've got with a customer to keep your job'
The job at that time afforded a lifestyle that I lived up to, but I didnt like the travel, how far and worldwide it was, how sudden it was or how frequent. It stopped me doing things I enjoy, and the expense, though they were claimed back, was busting my personal credit card and some personal cash as well. I thought, if they double the money, would I stay? I couldnt find a figure that I'd be happy with (that was realistic anyway), so it wasnt the money that was the problem, it was the manager tightening the thumbscrews.
Fear for me, isnt a motivator. I'm not the sort of person who works harder if they're threatened, I tend to fight back because I dont like how I'm being treated. I know now, any interview I go to, I want to get a feel for the type of person I'll be working for and with, and would rather not take the job if it's going to end up with me offering them a choice of window I'm going to put them through if they're pushing me into something on the basis of 'do it or else'
Coming back around to the OP - if the job in question is what's causing the problem, taking a short break from it to clear your head will generally give an outcome of 'no, not going back there. Here is good, there is bad'. It's completely your decision, but you have to look at the core problem, the root of it, the triggers and how you're dealing with it. You might be able to put up some walls or have other defences you can build, you'll find them tested again and again if the job is what's causing it. There's no fun in having to spend 8+ hours a day on full alert just incase.
head boss. It's my belief that people dont generally leave companies, they leave managers, and I had a string of them who were micromanaging bullies, ruling by threats, and encouraged work practices that I didnt agree with. For example, email came in Friday morning - 'get out to Arizona on Monday, I'm saving your arse and covering you with the big boss, you need to go fix this problem we've got with a customer to keep your job'
The job at that time afforded a lifestyle that I lived up to, but I didnt like the travel, how far and worldwide it was, how sudden it was or how frequent. It stopped me doing things I enjoy, and the expense, though they were claimed back, was busting my personal credit card and some personal cash as well. I thought, if they double the money, would I stay? I couldnt find a figure that I'd be happy with (that was realistic anyway), so it wasnt the money that was the problem, it was the manager tightening the thumbscrews.
Fear for me, isnt a motivator. I'm not the sort of person who works harder if they're threatened, I tend to fight back because I dont like how I'm being treated. I know now, any interview I go to, I want to get a feel for the type of person I'll be working for and with, and would rather not take the job if it's going to end up with me offering them a choice of window I'm going to put them through if they're pushing me into something on the basis of 'do it or else'
Coming back around to the OP - if the job in question is what's causing the problem, taking a short break from it to clear your head will generally give an outcome of 'no, not going back there. Here is good, there is bad'. It's completely your decision, but you have to look at the core problem, the root of it, the triggers and how you're dealing with it. You might be able to put up some walls or have other defences you can build, you'll find them tested again and again if the job is what's causing it. There's no fun in having to spend 8+ hours a day on full alert just incase.
Edited by andy-xr on Friday 20th February 11:13
Rusty1, I know exactly how you feel. In 2008 I was in the same position mentally. At the time I was going through therapy. I eventually went off on the sick and continued the therapy which helped. I arrived at work one day and just couldn’t go in. Sat in the car and sobbed.
It was the job I was in that was causing my issues. It sounds glamorous and was well paid; I was travelling the world six months of the year and had been doing so for 5-6 years. It just became too much.
After a couple of months off I came to the decision that I would resign. It was actually a very easy choice to make in the end. I had no other job to go to, mrsDWS had retired on ill health (at 54 years old) the year before. Whilst we would have very little income we both realised that in the interest of both our health it was the right thing to do.
I took up wood turning and she took a diploma in Pet portraiture. There is no fortune to be made in either but we both find what we do to be very therapeutic. I didn’t have an artistic bone in my body but found that the turning was very satisfying. I still do.
The company I worked for were absolutely superb and I will never have a bad word said against them. I was on full salary all the time I was off and they paid me a full years salary as sort of redundancy. Fast forward 4 months and they asked if I would return temporarily to train some new starters 3 days a week, 9 to 5. 6 years later I’m still here doing a job that I started doing 18 years ago and helping in other areas that I have expertise in. No travelling involved. If I never set foot on a plane again for business it will be too soon.
My story fortunately has a happy ending as I’m sure, ultimately, yours will. You will look back at this time and realise you are much happier. It does get better. I’m certainly not cured and still have “Black” days, though they are fewer than I used to have and I’m still on medication.
Remember depression is a disease and not just a state of mind and it can be treated. Ignore anyone who says “Pull yourself together” they are totally ignorant of your condition.
It has to be YOUR decision to do whatever you decide. You WILL come to that decision at some point.
DWS
It was the job I was in that was causing my issues. It sounds glamorous and was well paid; I was travelling the world six months of the year and had been doing so for 5-6 years. It just became too much.
After a couple of months off I came to the decision that I would resign. It was actually a very easy choice to make in the end. I had no other job to go to, mrsDWS had retired on ill health (at 54 years old) the year before. Whilst we would have very little income we both realised that in the interest of both our health it was the right thing to do.
I took up wood turning and she took a diploma in Pet portraiture. There is no fortune to be made in either but we both find what we do to be very therapeutic. I didn’t have an artistic bone in my body but found that the turning was very satisfying. I still do.
The company I worked for were absolutely superb and I will never have a bad word said against them. I was on full salary all the time I was off and they paid me a full years salary as sort of redundancy. Fast forward 4 months and they asked if I would return temporarily to train some new starters 3 days a week, 9 to 5. 6 years later I’m still here doing a job that I started doing 18 years ago and helping in other areas that I have expertise in. No travelling involved. If I never set foot on a plane again for business it will be too soon.
My story fortunately has a happy ending as I’m sure, ultimately, yours will. You will look back at this time and realise you are much happier. It does get better. I’m certainly not cured and still have “Black” days, though they are fewer than I used to have and I’m still on medication.
Remember depression is a disease and not just a state of mind and it can be treated. Ignore anyone who says “Pull yourself together” they are totally ignorant of your condition.
It has to be YOUR decision to do whatever you decide. You WILL come to that decision at some point.
DWS
I'm really glad i posted this now,
It is great seeing people having gone through the same stuff.
I think my worries are "I don't have a degree so i'll never get a salary like what i've got just now"
"how will i pay the mortgage"
"will it put pressure on my wife to make more from her business"
"is this all just a mistake"
and i know its the black part of my brain making those questions.
I'm looking about at other jobs, trying to find ones i would enjoy even if it was a drop in salary.
I want to find a job that i enjoy to sit with the Confucious phrase
"Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life"
so my only real loves are Dogs & snowboarding. (well and the wife)
I like cars/motorbikes/cameras/movies/rugby but i don't think i'd enjoy doing them for rest of my life.
Wish i could have cross posted this between here and health matters
It is great seeing people having gone through the same stuff.
I think my worries are "I don't have a degree so i'll never get a salary like what i've got just now"
"how will i pay the mortgage"
"will it put pressure on my wife to make more from her business"
"is this all just a mistake"
and i know its the black part of my brain making those questions.
I'm looking about at other jobs, trying to find ones i would enjoy even if it was a drop in salary.
I want to find a job that i enjoy to sit with the Confucious phrase
"Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life"
so my only real loves are Dogs & snowboarding. (well and the wife)
I like cars/motorbikes/cameras/movies/rugby but i don't think i'd enjoy doing them for rest of my life.
Wish i could have cross posted this between here and health matters
Glad that you are finding this useful.
I note you say that you are on medication. I had years of medication - may work for some with ''minor'' issues. Things festered for over 20 years.
Can I suggest you need to get some good CBT (cognitive behaviour therapy). The NHS will usually only refer you to the Mental Health Nurse attached to the surgery. Didn't work for me - they only get a short time with each patient etc etc. My wife's employer (yes - she had a good boss back then) got me in to a private therapist for a dozen hourly sessions. Worked a treat. Five years of being pretty good since.
I note you say that you are on medication. I had years of medication - may work for some with ''minor'' issues. Things festered for over 20 years.
Can I suggest you need to get some good CBT (cognitive behaviour therapy). The NHS will usually only refer you to the Mental Health Nurse attached to the surgery. Didn't work for me - they only get a short time with each patient etc etc. My wife's employer (yes - she had a good boss back then) got me in to a private therapist for a dozen hourly sessions. Worked a treat. Five years of being pretty good since.
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