At what age do kids become self sufficient ?
Discussion
I have 3, 15, 17 and 19, at what age are they realistically going to not be financially dependant ?
My eldest is at college and has a job, he makes about £80 a week, the middle one has never done any kind of paid work, the youngest does a lot for jobs for the grandparents for which he gets paid.
I still pay for their mobile phone bills, I give them a modest amount each month through a bank transfer. I pay for the expenses on the car my eldest uses apart from every other tank of fuel I make him put in.
What is typical these days ?
For me, I left home at about 23/24 but had been contributing for a while, I used to buy all my own clothes, beer, holidays, ran my own car even while at college, always paid for my own fuel etc.
My eldest is at college and has a job, he makes about £80 a week, the middle one has never done any kind of paid work, the youngest does a lot for jobs for the grandparents for which he gets paid.
I still pay for their mobile phone bills, I give them a modest amount each month through a bank transfer. I pay for the expenses on the car my eldest uses apart from every other tank of fuel I make him put in.
What is typical these days ?
For me, I left home at about 23/24 but had been contributing for a while, I used to buy all my own clothes, beer, holidays, ran my own car even while at college, always paid for my own fuel etc.
Edited by J4CKO on Monday 16th March 13:00
We've got an 18 year old, expected to earn his pocket money from the age of 12, once we found him a p/t job locally pocket money stopped and he gets bed/board/ironing/food for free. If he wants anything else he pays for it. As he is currently at college we let him keep and enjoy all he earns. Once he leaves education he'll be contributing his share into the household. If he doesn't like it then he's welcome to establish his own home on his terms.
I was buying a lot of my own clothes & some of my food from 13, funded through a paper round & another job. During school holidays I was earning about £55pw (30yrs ago!), paper round topped well at Christmas too.
Our kids are 14 & 11, they have their list of chores to do if they want their pocket money, eldest one should really be looking for a p/t job now, she has mentioned it a few times.
In my opinion they become independent when they leave education, my OH may disagree with this though.
Our kids are 14 & 11, they have their list of chores to do if they want their pocket money, eldest one should really be looking for a p/t job now, she has mentioned it a few times.
In my opinion they become independent when they leave education, my OH may disagree with this though.
randlemarcus said:
When you teach them to be 
This. Carry on picking up the tab for them and they will never be financially independent. Or grow up. Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind. You took them off the bottle/boob. You took them out of nappies. You sent them to school, none of these things they wanted but each started them on a new phase. Same goes for closing facilities at the Bank of Mum and Dad. I would say 21. Once Uni is over, off you go and get a job. Mine are 17 & 19 both have part time jobs, but I have said that as long as they are in school/college, I'll pay for everything for them other than any luxuries that they want such as (fancy clothes, expensive Latte whatever the latest trend is coffee pads, the newest phone, meals out with their friends, holidays with their friends, etc).
I'd quite like them to leave school soon.
I'd quite like them to leave school soon.
randlemarcus said:
When you teach them to be
I have a pair of cousins aged 42 and 45 who are still aren't entirely independent because by aunt and uncle have brought them up that way :rollseyes:
My parents kept my car on the road through university and fed me in the holidays, so probably not truly independent until I was early 20's. However I think the cost of living has generally increased a lot since then, loads of students these days seem to be picking the closest university to home and commuting in to save money. Mind you they all seem to have expensive clothes/phones/games consoles/etc compared to my day (used to live in t'cardboard box in t'middle of street...)
What makes you think they become self sufficient?! 
Amused2death said:
We've got an 18 year old, expected to earn his pocket money from the age of 12, once we found him a p/t job locally pocket money stopped and he gets bed/board/ironing/food for free. If he wants anything else he pays for it. As he is currently at college we let him keep and enjoy all he earns. Once he leaves education he'll be contributing his share into the household. If he doesn't like it then he's welcome to establish his own home on his terms.
This was me.Never had pocket money per se, but i was always offered ways of making money, cut the grass, £5 (big garden) valet cars inside and out, £5 each - you get the picture. i bought/ran/insured my own first car outright for cash on my 18th birthday and treasured it... i even used to pick peas and wash windows for money.....anything
However, I didn't pay rent so was fortunate on that level.
I will be charging rent to my little girl, but i'll be putting it aside so when she needs a deposit, it's there, and it will be her money (enforced saving, if you will)
It is a vital life skill, IMO
Being un PC, it also frankly comes down to whether you are able to stand up to your wifes maternal instincts, given her way she will be wiping their noses and you will be paying for them when they are 50. It's up to the husband in a household to overrule this, it's in everyones best interests in the end.
Timmy40 said:
Being un PC, it also frankly comes down to whether you are able to stand up to your wifes maternal instincts, given her way she will be wiping their noses and you will be paying for them when they are 50. It's up to the husband in a household to overrule this, it's in everyones best interests in the end.
I'd never thought of it as a maternal instinct, but now that you've said it. 
That goes a long way toward explaining that my missus is always still asking the kids if they have enough money for the weekend, etc. 'They earn about €100 per week each, if they haven't got enough it's their bloody fault', is my standard reply. Then I sleep in the garage.
Truly 100% the day I got my first pay cheque as a qualified solicitor age 25. That was one of my 'best phone calls ever' when I rang Dad and thanked him for all he and mum had done but now I was able to 100% run free on my own.
I had a part time job from before I most likely should have been working and from the age of 13 was earning my pocket money. When I finished A levels I went to uni in London for a year, back home for 2 then folks moved well out of area and I bought a house with savings and an I/o mortgage that the folks covered whilst I was at uni for another 2 years. On finishing uni I was on a very low salary for a few years and my folks gave me a few hundred pounds a month to help out and make sure I was never in the red.
I was very lucky and realise that. My folks and I had a deal in that I would pass one year at uni and they would pay for the next. Fail and I would have had a few months to get my house in order before the tap was turned off. As they years went by the amount of financial support from them was slowly reduced as I was able to earn my own money. They were lucky in that they could afford to do this and I was lucky in that they wanted to help as much as they could without creating a leach for life. Thinking back on it I also recall that it was always me that would ask for the reductions in support - they never said that they would reduce the level of funding from them, it was always me saying 'well now that I am a trainee I am getting £x per month from that so in reality I could go without your £y per month, although it would be great if it were possible to still have £z as that would allow me to go out more than a couple of times a month.'
To answer the OP I would say that the right time to cut off support is not a fixed date or time. My best friend didn't have a penny from his folks from the age of 18 and when he finished uni it was made very clear that getting out the family home was a priority - not in a heartless way, but more in an 'you're over 18, stand on your own feet' way. He had some tough times but was strong enough to deal with it and had a lot of friends to help out here and there. Another friend only moved out of home a few weeks before he got married and another only because they had no other choice. Both of them have their own back stories but the reality was that both were just too shielded from the real world and have had a far harder late 20's early 30's than those of us who were weaned off the teat or rip from it early.
I had a part time job from before I most likely should have been working and from the age of 13 was earning my pocket money. When I finished A levels I went to uni in London for a year, back home for 2 then folks moved well out of area and I bought a house with savings and an I/o mortgage that the folks covered whilst I was at uni for another 2 years. On finishing uni I was on a very low salary for a few years and my folks gave me a few hundred pounds a month to help out and make sure I was never in the red.
I was very lucky and realise that. My folks and I had a deal in that I would pass one year at uni and they would pay for the next. Fail and I would have had a few months to get my house in order before the tap was turned off. As they years went by the amount of financial support from them was slowly reduced as I was able to earn my own money. They were lucky in that they could afford to do this and I was lucky in that they wanted to help as much as they could without creating a leach for life. Thinking back on it I also recall that it was always me that would ask for the reductions in support - they never said that they would reduce the level of funding from them, it was always me saying 'well now that I am a trainee I am getting £x per month from that so in reality I could go without your £y per month, although it would be great if it were possible to still have £z as that would allow me to go out more than a couple of times a month.'
To answer the OP I would say that the right time to cut off support is not a fixed date or time. My best friend didn't have a penny from his folks from the age of 18 and when he finished uni it was made very clear that getting out the family home was a priority - not in a heartless way, but more in an 'you're over 18, stand on your own feet' way. He had some tough times but was strong enough to deal with it and had a lot of friends to help out here and there. Another friend only moved out of home a few weeks before he got married and another only because they had no other choice. Both of them have their own back stories but the reality was that both were just too shielded from the real world and have had a far harder late 20's early 30's than those of us who were weaned off the teat or rip from it early.
I was quite fortunate in the fact that my parents supported me through school, was unable to have part time job as I was expect to go to school on Saturdays. When I left school at 18 to restudy at college, they continued to pay for my phone and car insurance (have always been on dads business insurance) although I was doing 60-80 hours a week on the farm I lived, so plenty of money.
Since leaving school, I've always paid for all running cost of my vehicles, beer, food etc. This continued for my 1st two years at uni, now in 3rd year with one more year to go. All support has stopped, I pay for it all, which is fine apart from for what I pay a month on my own car insurance, Is the equivalent of what it used to cost for us all to be on fleet with me having the use on all vehicles.
So 23.
In my defence when it came to Birthdays and Christmas. I got pair of socks or boxers, nothing costing more than £20 since my 15th birthday. As I was always told that my presents where to have my insurance and phone. I've paid for my laptops, ipods and all other gadgety things.
Compared to some of my peers I've been very fortunate with what my parents have done to support me, compared with others I should have reported my parents for adolescent cruelty, I'm mean come it is totally unacceptable for me to have to drive a 15 year old car, which cost the same as some of my friends monthly repayments/lease payment that their parents pay.
Since leaving school, I've always paid for all running cost of my vehicles, beer, food etc. This continued for my 1st two years at uni, now in 3rd year with one more year to go. All support has stopped, I pay for it all, which is fine apart from for what I pay a month on my own car insurance, Is the equivalent of what it used to cost for us all to be on fleet with me having the use on all vehicles.
So 23.
In my defence when it came to Birthdays and Christmas. I got pair of socks or boxers, nothing costing more than £20 since my 15th birthday. As I was always told that my presents where to have my insurance and phone. I've paid for my laptops, ipods and all other gadgety things.
Compared to some of my peers I've been very fortunate with what my parents have done to support me, compared with others I should have reported my parents for adolescent cruelty, I'm mean come it is totally unacceptable for me to have to drive a 15 year old car, which cost the same as some of my friends monthly repayments/lease payment that their parents pay.
Gassing Station | The Lounge | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff