Discussion
While I was driving down the M40 the other day, (going a little faster than I should have been) I passed under a bridge only to see a copper on the other side with a radar gun laying in wait. The copper pulled me over, walked up to the car, and with that classic patronising smirk, asked: "Runway too short?" To which I replied, "I'm late for work." To which he asked, "What do you do?" "I'm a rectum stretcher," I responded. The copper was surprised and confused. "A what? A rectum stretcher?? And just what does a rectum stretcher do?" "Well," I said, "I start by inserting one finger, then I work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in, work side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely stretch the hole, until it's about 6 feet." Then the copper asked questioningly and cautiously, "And just what do you do with a six-foot a.rsehole?" To which I politely replied, "You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge..."
Speeding ticket: £105.00 Court costs: £45 Look on copper's face: Priceless.
No offence to the BiB's
Speeding ticket: £105.00 Court costs: £45 Look on copper's face: Priceless.
No offence to the BiB's
Crash team to pie and piston!
well,if its old jokes....
trafpol are driving down the m1 when they spot a car coming up behind them thats straddling the middle and outside lanes,the car is travelling at 120mph as it passes them and continues to accelerate as the cops try to catch him up.
when they put the blues and two's on the car slows down and pulls in to the hard shoulder,the trafpol get out of their car and walk over to speak to the driver...
cop: "good evening sir,we clocked you travelling at twice the speed limit whilst you were sitting halfway across the middle and outside lanes.....you know you are not allowed to do this,dont you?"
irish driver: "i can sir,it says so on my license"
cop: "boll-ocks!...where does it say you can drive like that?"
irish driver: "it says i can right here sir,look....it says "tear along the dotted line!"
i'll get my coat,the cabs already waiting
trafpol are driving down the m1 when they spot a car coming up behind them thats straddling the middle and outside lanes,the car is travelling at 120mph as it passes them and continues to accelerate as the cops try to catch him up.
when they put the blues and two's on the car slows down and pulls in to the hard shoulder,the trafpol get out of their car and walk over to speak to the driver...
cop: "good evening sir,we clocked you travelling at twice the speed limit whilst you were sitting halfway across the middle and outside lanes.....you know you are not allowed to do this,dont you?"
irish driver: "i can sir,it says so on my license"
cop: "boll-ocks!...where does it say you can drive like that?"
irish driver: "it says i can right here sir,look....it says "tear along the dotted line!"
i'll get my coat,the cabs already waiting
another old jokeA blonde woman's husband is sitting at home, watching the TV news, when he sees a live report of a car driving the wrong way along the motorway. Knowing this is sometimes the route his wife takes home from work, he rings her up on her mobile, to warn her of the danger.
When she answers, he says "Be careful dear, there's a car going the wrong way on the motorway", to which she replies "It's not just one car, it's all of them".
When she answers, he says "Be careful dear, there's a car going the wrong way on the motorway", to which she replies "It's not just one car, it's all of them".
Bloke goes to the Doctors,
Bloke: while I was on safari holiday in Kenya I was raped by an elephant.
Doctor: Ok drop your trollies and lets have a look
Bloke drops his trollies and the doctor can see the poor mans rectum has been stretched to over a foot in diameter.
Doctor by now smelling a rat: funny thing is that as big as an elephant is, it has an unusually small penis?
Bloke: Oh I forgot, he gave me a good fisting first
Ok ok I'm off
Bloke: while I was on safari holiday in Kenya I was raped by an elephant.
Doctor: Ok drop your trollies and lets have a look
Bloke drops his trollies and the doctor can see the poor mans rectum has been stretched to over a foot in diameter.
Doctor by now smelling a rat: funny thing is that as big as an elephant is, it has an unusually small penis?
Bloke: Oh I forgot, he gave me a good fisting first
Ok ok I'm off
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