please critique my introduction letter

[dba7108]

I am looking to introduce myself to via a contact to other businesses & education sectors. I've tried to keep it short and to the point without waffling.


subject line: IT company Ltd

We are a local IT company, providing support & installation to the business and education sector in the West Country. Our range of services include server and computer maintenance and daily onsite support allowing you to lower your IT costs and save money.

We have previously worked with St Thingy school in Bounton and South Shields in Manchester.
We would like to take this opportunity to work with you and would be happy to have an informal meeting on any requirements you have or to offer advice.

Kind regards

John Smith
IT Company Ltd
01255 737373

[marshalla]

That's nice - but what are you actually going to do ?

[dba7108]

lower their costs
provide excellent service
maintain their networks
provide sales & support

[hornetrider]

marshalla said:

That's nice - but what are you actually going to do ?

Provide IT support and installation services, obviously

[Mr Overheads]

dba7108 said:

lower their costs
provide excellent service
maintain their networks
provide sales & support

Put these short punchy bullet points in the letter at least.

[Frimley111R]

What do you offer that they aren't getting now
Prove you're good (testimonial)
Any 'impressive' client you work with now?
What is the point of meeting you?
Free offer/discount for new clients?

[VEIGHT]

CALL TO ACTION!

PS - call us before the end of the month to receive 10% off something to do with IT stuff.

[Asterix]

St. Thingy eh?

Patron Saint of things?

[technodup]

What problems of theirs do you solve?

Start with that, then introduce how you help. Any letter starting 'we are a...' would have me reaching for a pillow. And the bin.

[singlecoil]

Avoid the use of the word 'we'. Ration it as much as you can, nobody likes to be weed on. They are not interested in you, they are interested in themselves. Try to rephrase your points with that in mind.

[Doofus]

You will reduce their IT costs, not lower them.

[Simpo Two]

I tried the Clacton number but it comes back to PH so you made it up

Frankly, ring them. 'Hello, this is (blah) here; I was wondering who I should send an intro letter about my services to?' 'What do you do?' 'IT. Is there an IT person perhaps?' If they give you a name, say 'Actually I don't suppose you coud put me through, save some time etc?'

[budfox]

Buy a load of memory sticks and just leave on or two lying around in suitable places at potenital client's premises. Whack some kind of autorun/app/virus thing on them that pops up when the stick is plugged in, or when a member of staff is stupid enough to double-click on a folder called "jennys-arty-pics"

Then pop up just reads "What you've just done could have encrypted every folder on your PC, or wiped 100,000 files. Learn how to stop this ever happening again, contact.....".

Just a thought.

[Simpo Two]

budfox said:

Whack some kind of autorun/app/virus thing on them that pops up when the stick is plugged in, or when a member of staff is stupid enough to double-click on a folder called "jennys-arty-pics"

Then pop up just reads "What you've just done could have encrypted every folder on your PC, or wiped 100,000 files. Learn how to stop this ever happening again, contact....."

That sounds a bit like a blackmail attempt though!

[toohangry]

budfox said:

Buy a load of memory sticks and just leave on or two lying around in suitable places at potenital client's premises. Whack some kind of autorun/app/virus thing on them that pops up when the stick is plugged in, or when a member of staff is stupid enough to double-click on a folder called "jennys-arty-pics"

Then pop up just reads "What you've just done could have encrypted every folder on your PC, or wiped 100,000 files. Learn how to stop this ever happening again, contact.....".

Just a thought.

I would be furious if someone did that to me and rather than asking them to provide support, I'd probably try and fit my tower (no not that) in their anus.

[Vaud]

budfox said:

Buy a load of memory sticks and just leave on or two lying around in suitable places at potenital client's premises. Whack some kind of autorun/app/virus thing on them that pops up when the stick is plugged in, or when a member of staff is stupid enough to double-click on a folder called "jennys-arty-pics"

Then pop up just reads "What you've just done could have encrypted every folder on your PC, or wiped 100,000 files. Learn how to stop this ever happening again, contact.....".

Just a thought.

What a truly dreadful idea. Negative selling rarely wins.

[singlecoil]

It's pretty obvious that he's joking. There's a meme for this situation, I believe.

[Simpo Two]

I think it was just lateral thinking.

[allergictocheese]

Don't email. Call. Emailing is easy to send and easier to ignore. Have a message. A reason why they should consider talking to you instead if sticking with what they know.

If you were in charge of IT spend for a school, what would you want to hear in order to invest time with someone, when you ignore 99% of approaches.

[Vaud]

allergictocheese said:

If you were in charge of IT spend for a school, what would you want to hear in order to invest time with someone, when you ignore 99% of approaches.

A good question. Putting myself in the shoes of capital constrained IT manager...

Cost savings - maybe (they are good, but cost control and certainty are also important?)
More capability for my money - i.e. a good handle on popular school software and licences, and how to maximise so I avoid overspend
Maybe cloud/SAAS skills to reduce capex costs
Maybe some views on how to maximise open source to manage costs and free up licences
An endorsement from a peer that I recognise as being similar in size to me, ideally a personal reference
etc

Basically something that warrants having a second call.