Disciplining Kids
Discussion
When me and Mrs Ex got together I aquired a young 7 years old lad as part of the deal.
He's a great kid but one year into the relationship I've just had to discipline him 'properly' for the first time on my own.
Since our move over to Ireland I've noticed him getting pregressivly a bit more bold, he's been testing the boundaries a bit I guess.
So 3 times this week he's been told by both of us not to bounce on the beds - we're in a rented accomodation at the moment and the matresses are kinda cheap and just can't take the action.
So, tonight I caught him at it again. In a raised voice but certainly not shouting, I reminded him how often we told him not to do this, told him I was really disappointed with him, and sent him straight to off bed with no cuddles or the ususal book reading stuff we do.
About 20 minuteds later he's raised the volume of his crying to a level I can't ignore, so I go up to take a look and the poor kid is utterly destitute and looks positively terrified.
I ask him why's he's crying and he tells me it's because he just got really told off. So I remind him that he's already had three warnings, and doubly remind him that last night I 'seriously' warned him about it.
I tell him that he does't need to cry, and not to worry, just that he's been naughty and this is his punishment. He was being sent to bed early. Gave him a quick kiss and asked him if he was ever going to bounce on the matresses again - to which he indicated no.
Now, all of this has gone on while Mrs Ex has been on the phone to a friend she hasn't spoken to for a few months so currently she knows nothing about it. I'm pretty sure I dealt with it in an 'appropriate' manner but boy it tore me apart to see him so upset.
best
Ex
He's a great kid but one year into the relationship I've just had to discipline him 'properly' for the first time on my own.
Since our move over to Ireland I've noticed him getting pregressivly a bit more bold, he's been testing the boundaries a bit I guess.
So 3 times this week he's been told by both of us not to bounce on the beds - we're in a rented accomodation at the moment and the matresses are kinda cheap and just can't take the action.
So, tonight I caught him at it again. In a raised voice but certainly not shouting, I reminded him how often we told him not to do this, told him I was really disappointed with him, and sent him straight to off bed with no cuddles or the ususal book reading stuff we do.
About 20 minuteds later he's raised the volume of his crying to a level I can't ignore, so I go up to take a look and the poor kid is utterly destitute and looks positively terrified.
I ask him why's he's crying and he tells me it's because he just got really told off. So I remind him that he's already had three warnings, and doubly remind him that last night I 'seriously' warned him about it.
I tell him that he does't need to cry, and not to worry, just that he's been naughty and this is his punishment. He was being sent to bed early. Gave him a quick kiss and asked him if he was ever going to bounce on the matresses again - to which he indicated no.
Now, all of this has gone on while Mrs Ex has been on the phone to a friend she hasn't spoken to for a few months so currently she knows nothing about it. I'm pretty sure I dealt with it in an 'appropriate' manner but boy it tore me apart to see him so upset.
best
Ex
Probably in shock that you did it! Its scarey when someone shows that they are capable of putting their foot down.
Should do the trick nicely.
Either that or if he does it again, show him a picture of Richard Brunstrom and tell him thats what he will grow to look like if he doesnt behave
Should do the trick nicely.
Either that or if he does it again, show him a picture of Richard Brunstrom and tell him thats what he will grow to look like if he doesnt behave
Thanks guy's, last time I had an addrenalin rush like this one I'd almost put the rally car into a ditch at 70 mph.
I can really understand now how easy it is to blow your top where kids are concerned.
To be honest it scared me, I could feel the fog rising - and fortunately just separated myself and him as quickly as possible till I'd calmed down a bit.
It's all a learning curve eh?
thanks again.
best
Ex
I can really understand now how easy it is to blow your top where kids are concerned.
To be honest it scared me, I could feel the fog rising - and fortunately just separated myself and him as quickly as possible till I'd calmed down a bit.
It's all a learning curve eh?
thanks again.
best
Ex
Spot on piece of thoughtful applied parenting.
Whilst it is always distressing to have caused a child to "suffer" (in the loosest sense, I just can't think of a more fitting word
)the fact that he has taken the rebuke so much to heart actually demonstrates the strength of your relationship with him and speaks volumes about the effort that you have actually put in to building that bond. Have a well deserved
on me.
Haven't smoked since I fell pregnant with my second over seven years ago now, and even with my eldest rapidly hitting those teenage years, I will remain an ex smoker Firstly, Well done!
I can't think of a better way of dealing with it.
you did the right thing by detatching yourself from the situation in a hurry. Kids have a habit of finding just the right buttons to push and making it extremely personal.
My 2 boys are 9 and 12 now and believe me there have been many times when i have locked myself in the bathroom so i didn't let the situation boil over. Sometimes you can be in mid telling off and a look or a snigger from them will send the fury gushing. I normally leave QUICKLY!
I have to set new boundries with them every two weeks as this is when i see them ( they live with their mother )and every two weeks they try and push those boundries.
Even though; I love them so much.
I can't think of a better way of dealing with it.
you did the right thing by detatching yourself from the situation in a hurry. Kids have a habit of finding just the right buttons to push and making it extremely personal.
My 2 boys are 9 and 12 now and believe me there have been many times when i have locked myself in the bathroom so i didn't let the situation boil over. Sometimes you can be in mid telling off and a look or a snigger from them will send the fury gushing. I normally leave QUICKLY!
I have to set new boundries with them every two weeks as this is when i see them ( they live with their mother )and every two weeks they try and push those boundries.
Even though; I love them so much.
Thanks everybody, I don't really come to PH looking for praise so everything above is very warming.
Still, this is all very new ground for me, just had a chat with Mrs Ex and she was 100% supportive too.
I wasn't sure if I'd been to harsh or soft.
I told her about the red mist and she said 'Yeah, you've really got to watch that". Her advice, "always take a deep breath before approaching a situation like that. It's very important when disciplinning children that it is done with a cool head, and they know exactly why they are being punished"
She also warned about going too soft on them shortly afterwards, almost as if they d oactually need to suffer a while.
Now I know where the phrase "This will hurt me more than it's going to hurt you" came from
- wise words.
Remind me again why I lover her so much
best
Ex
Still, this is all very new ground for me, just had a chat with Mrs Ex and she was 100% supportive too.
I wasn't sure if I'd been to harsh or soft.
I told her about the red mist and she said 'Yeah, you've really got to watch that". Her advice, "always take a deep breath before approaching a situation like that. It's very important when disciplinning children that it is done with a cool head, and they know exactly why they are being punished"
She also warned about going too soft on them shortly afterwards, almost as if they d oactually need to suffer a while.
Now I know where the phrase "This will hurt me more than it's going to hurt you" came from
- wise words.
Remind me again why I lover her so much
best
Ex
bilko2 said:
I have to set new boundries with them every two weeks as this is when i see them
I really feel for you there, that must be tremendously difficult.
Thanks for pointing out a side that reminds me just how fortunate I am.
best
Ex
>> Edited by TheExcession on Tuesday 25th January 22:29
) where the kid has to beat the father with a cane as 'punishment' for their own crime. Sounds like you did pretty well.
I'm a step-dad too. I came on the scene when my step-son was 4. He's now 10. So I've had 6 years doing this and I can tell you that I still haven't got the hang of it.
But I do my best and that's all you can do.
So chin up - sounds like you're doing a good job.
I'm a step-dad too. I came on the scene when my step-son was 4. He's now 10. So I've had 6 years doing this and I can tell you that I still haven't got the hang of it.
But I do my best and that's all you can do.
So chin up - sounds like you're doing a good job.
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