advice on house ownership after split from partner
Discussion
Hi all
Split from my ex girlfriend just over a year ago and moved out of our jointly owned house (joint tenants).
I'm living back at my mum's whilst paying the mortgage for her to live in our house with my 5 year old daughter.
Now I want to buy my ex out of the house (i paid the 15k deposit plus always paid the full mortgage plus another £100 as she works part time)
She is making it extremely difficult now and every time I mention her moving out she says I'm bullying her and threatens me with a restraining order!
She wants a yet to be decided figure to sign house over to me (only £20k equity in house) and I fear it may be roundabout £20k!
She clearly wants to punish me and I'm worried she holds all the cards...
Any advice?
Split from my ex girlfriend just over a year ago and moved out of our jointly owned house (joint tenants).
I'm living back at my mum's whilst paying the mortgage for her to live in our house with my 5 year old daughter.
Now I want to buy my ex out of the house (i paid the 15k deposit plus always paid the full mortgage plus another £100 as she works part time)
She is making it extremely difficult now and every time I mention her moving out she says I'm bullying her and threatens me with a restraining order!
She wants a yet to be decided figure to sign house over to me (only £20k equity in house) and I fear it may be roundabout £20k!
She clearly wants to punish me and I'm worried she holds all the cards...
Any advice?
She does hold most of them, sorry.
Assuming you have split in the last year or so, you might (read please do) open a case with the Child Maintenance Service. SHe will at some point, so you might as well get on with it
They will take your liability for the child, and should take away any mortgage payments you are making. Might focus her mind a little. Means there will be no buyout in the near future, but it takes the nasty financial arguments away for the minute. Make sure any money you pay her is electronically - this is critical, as it provides an audit trail.
Assuming you have split in the last year or so, you might (read please do) open a case with the Child Maintenance Service. SHe will at some point, so you might as well get on with it
They will take your liability for the child, and should take away any mortgage payments you are making. Might focus her mind a little. Means there will be no buyout in the near future, but it takes the nasty financial arguments away for the minute. Make sure any money you pay her is electronically - this is critical, as it provides an audit trail.yup, she can ask for the moon on a stick if she likes. Doesn't mean she will get it, but she can make your life very tricky for a good long while - effectively until the child is 19. Which is nice.
Real worst case is you get a mesher order from court that says you get to pay for the house until the children leave. You'll still pay for it, as you have a joint mortgage, and good luck moving on in the property ladder.
Honestly, if you think she will allow you to walk away from this for only 20 grand, you might want to think about it. Life is harsh, and whatever you do now will reverberate in the relationship you have with your child. Not saying you need to appease her at every step, but you are going to be seeing her hopefully weekly for the next 19-x years, so why piss her off now? Start the negotiations at 50% of equity, then she probably wont demand one ball and your right arm as well as 100% of equity
Real worst case is you get a mesher order from court that says you get to pay for the house until the children leave. You'll still pay for it, as you have a joint mortgage, and good luck moving on in the property ladder.
Honestly, if you think she will allow you to walk away from this for only 20 grand, you might want to think about it. Life is harsh, and whatever you do now will reverberate in the relationship you have with your child. Not saying you need to appease her at every step, but you are going to be seeing her hopefully weekly for the next 19-x years, so why piss her off now? Start the negotiations at 50% of equity, then she probably wont demand one ball and your right arm as well as 100% of equity
1974nc said:
Yes I want to apply for joint custody
However custody is agreed or granted, that'll be taken into account with the amount of maintenance to be paid. If you're living in your mum's spare bedroom, that'll likely be taken into account in any custody decision.1974nc said:
the house is in both names as joint tenants (previously mentioned)
So you each own the whole house, jointly. She has just as much call on it as you do. Both of you are 100% responsible for the mortgage - if neither of you pay, the lender will initially come after the one with the greater chance of paying up, but both of you owe on exactly the same basis, with exactly the same legal liability and come-back.LoonR1 said:
Why do you want to buy her out? Where do you think she will move to with your daughter? When you say she's doing it to get back at you, does this mean there is more to this? Maybe another child with another girl? How involved are you with your daughter currently?
I guess so that at the end of the day they might be living there in the mean time but at least he won't keep paying off a mortgage that is half hers.Makes you wonder if there's a way of getting effectively a "pre-nup" for mortgages for unmarried couples where there is an agreement on payment contributions, %s etc.
I'm sure there probably is as I don't know much about it- still saving for a deposit whilst pissing away rent money.
maurauth said:
I guess so that at the end of the day they might be living there in the mean time but at least he won't keep paying off a mortgage that is half hers.
Makes you wonder if there's a way of getting effectively a "pre-nup" for mortgages for unmarried couples where there is an agreement on payment contributions, %s etc.
I'm sure there probably is as I don't know much about it- still saving for a deposit whilst pissing away rent money.
She owns half the house as it stands, so why would she give that up? She's bringing up their daughter in it. I can't see a reason for the ownership to suddenly matterMakes you wonder if there's a way of getting effectively a "pre-nup" for mortgages for unmarried couples where there is an agreement on payment contributions, %s etc.
I'm sure there probably is as I don't know much about it- still saving for a deposit whilst pissing away rent money.
LoonR1 said:
She owns half the house as it stands, so why would she give that up? She's bringing up their daughter in it. I can't see a reason for the ownership to suddenly matter
I think OP was fine with her owning half of it when they had an amicable relationship and whilst there's only 20k put in but in a few years he's going to have paid more in. I thought he said he was the only one paying in due to her low income?maurauth said:
I think OP was fine with her owning half of it when they had an amicable relationship and whilst there's only 20k put in but in a few years he's going to have paid more in. I thought he said he was the only one paying in due to her low income?
So what? There's a young girl in the middle of this and there's no reason why the ownership needs sorting now unless there's been a change in his circumstances which is forcing it. The OP ought to look at what's best for his daughter, rather than his finances first and foremost. LoonR1 said:
So what? There's a young girl in the middle of this and there's no reason why the ownership needs sorting now unless there's been a change in his circumstances which is forcing it. The OP ought to look at what's best for his daughter, rather than his finances first and foremost.
Not trying to make this an argument but that's probably what he's been doing for the last year they've been split, surely OP can organise both at once if he hasn't in the year he's had...maurauth said:
Not trying to make this an argument but that's probably what he's been doing for the last year they've been split, surely OP can organise both at once if he hasn't in the year he's had...
He wants her to move out. He also doesn't seem to have any custody rights with his daughter and as he's working full time and his ex is t, it's unlikely his daughter would be living with him. He also references some revenge that she may exact, that he "deserves". It all smacks of someone who wants his ex and daughter gone, so that he and his new squeeze (and possibly new kid) can move in there. She has no reason or compulsion to sell to him and she has no reason whatsoever to move out.
Loon R1 I see the name befits you! Obviously you have me hung drawn and quartered as some sociopathic miscreant.
Love my daughter dearly and would love joint custody I supplied all the financial aspect toward the house and she paid gas/water and electric only.
Now we split 14 months ago and I want to try and get a place of my own that will belong to my daughter in time too.
I've offered her a minimum of 50% of the equity in the house plus maintenance (joint custody notwithstanding)
She seems to prefer me to live forever at my mum's (im 40) and provide mortgage payments in full plus council tax etc.
She has said that with me paying this for the last year she has managed to pay all her debts off and have a decent life for herself.
I don't think its unfair of me to want something for myself too?
Love my daughter dearly and would love joint custody I supplied all the financial aspect toward the house and she paid gas/water and electric only.
Now we split 14 months ago and I want to try and get a place of my own that will belong to my daughter in time too.
I've offered her a minimum of 50% of the equity in the house plus maintenance (joint custody notwithstanding)
She seems to prefer me to live forever at my mum's (im 40) and provide mortgage payments in full plus council tax etc.
She has said that with me paying this for the last year she has managed to pay all her debts off and have a decent life for herself.
I don't think its unfair of me to want something for myself too?
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