Approaching mental health with family member?
Discussion
Without going into the specifics - my dad, my brother and I have been becoming increasingly worried about my mum's mental wellbeing
We've been dismissing it and trying to convince ourself that everything is OK but something has happened today which has really made us sit up and realise that there is an issue here that needs to be addressed.
Has anyone had any experience of having 'that chat' with a family member? My mum is a strong minded person who doesn't like being told what to do and is impossible to get to go to the doctors with something relatively trivial, so I can see there being issues when we try and have that discussion with her.
Not really sure what to do so would appreciate hearing from anyone who's been in this situation.
Thanks
We've been dismissing it and trying to convince ourself that everything is OK but something has happened today which has really made us sit up and realise that there is an issue here that needs to be addressed.
Has anyone had any experience of having 'that chat' with a family member? My mum is a strong minded person who doesn't like being told what to do and is impossible to get to go to the doctors with something relatively trivial, so I can see there being issues when we try and have that discussion with her.
Not really sure what to do so would appreciate hearing from anyone who's been in this situation.
Thanks
The most important thing in my experience is to decide who is going to have the conversation and specifically what the aim is of the conversation. Sometimes one family member will be able to get through when others are not. If you are lucky enough to have a good GP then a conversation with them is a good idea first. Finally pick the moment , ideally when your mum is relaxed and able to slowly process what is being said. I chose to broach the subject on a walk and the opportunity for long thoughtful silences was a godsend.
Good luck
Good luck
It's really hard. It's like addiction, there's a lot of self denial and lack of willingness to confront the issue. The person needs to realise they need help before they will accept it.
I've been that person and I've seen some friends go through the same. In both cases knowing help was there was useful for when it hit home that without help things were going to become very bad indeed.
Keep offering support, keep mentioning getting help and keep an eye on her.
Good luck, mental health issues suck but a surprising number of people have it and manage day to day.
I've been that person and I've seen some friends go through the same. In both cases knowing help was there was useful for when it hit home that without help things were going to become very bad indeed.
Keep offering support, keep mentioning getting help and keep an eye on her.
Good luck, mental health issues suck but a surprising number of people have it and manage day to day.
I appreciate that you don't want to go into specfics but it's kinda hard to offer advice completly blind...
I'm an RMN and there are a lot of options available in regards to getting a MH assessment..
However I would need to know more to be able to provide any meaningful advice...obviously if you don't want to provide more information here then please PM me..
KR
Benjurs
I'm an RMN and there are a lot of options available in regards to getting a MH assessment..
However I would need to know more to be able to provide any meaningful advice...obviously if you don't want to provide more information here then please PM me..
KR
Benjurs
Thanks guys. All really good advice. We think we are going to try and sit down as a family and have the conversation on the weekend when we are all together anyway after a family event.
Benjurs- thanks, much appreciated.
Basically over the last few weeks/months her behaviour has been very out of character. Changing a lot of things about her lifestyle very fast, noticeably so. Then something happened yesterday that made me sit up and take note - essentially she was sticking to a story about something that we knew not to be true. Even in the face of evidence to the contrary, she was sticking to her version of events about something even though we knew it wasn't the case.
I've done a lot of reading online and although I'm no expert, all signs are leading me towards thinking she is suffering with bipolar disorder.
I understand that this can be treated with medication however the difficult part is going to be getting her to accept that she does need to seek help.
I'm hoping that by approaching it as a family and being honest about how worried we are and the fact that it's affecting us all, will be enough to make her see that she has support around her and doesn't need to try and deny that there is something that needs to be addressed.
Benjurs- thanks, much appreciated.
Basically over the last few weeks/months her behaviour has been very out of character. Changing a lot of things about her lifestyle very fast, noticeably so. Then something happened yesterday that made me sit up and take note - essentially she was sticking to a story about something that we knew not to be true. Even in the face of evidence to the contrary, she was sticking to her version of events about something even though we knew it wasn't the case.
I've done a lot of reading online and although I'm no expert, all signs are leading me towards thinking she is suffering with bipolar disorder.
I understand that this can be treated with medication however the difficult part is going to be getting her to accept that she does need to seek help.
I'm hoping that by approaching it as a family and being honest about how worried we are and the fact that it's affecting us all, will be enough to make her see that she has support around her and doesn't need to try and deny that there is something that needs to be addressed.
Ok now I'm a bit more aware of the potential issue...
What you'll or she will need to do is get a blood test to make sure that it's nothing physical going on...I don't know her age but it's quite unusual for Bi-Polar to manefest itself later on in life...It normally presents itself in the early twenties, has she had any episodes prior to this?
Quite often it can be a physical i.e. UTI, Thyroid etc rather than psychological issue but only a full blood work up will screen this...
Anyways if you've got a good GP they can talk you through this...After a blood/physical work up you could then get the local MH assessment team to do an assessment...but be prepared to wait as there is, as with any frontline NHS service, but you should get her seen within 4 weeks or so...
Otherwise if she presents a danger to herself or others then straight to A&E where she'll get an immediate assessment...well I say immediate but it'll be faster than 4 weeks!
Obviously this is the nuclear option but I've highlighted the two options available to you...
Anything else please ask or PM...
Cheers
Benjurs
What you'll or she will need to do is get a blood test to make sure that it's nothing physical going on...I don't know her age but it's quite unusual for Bi-Polar to manefest itself later on in life...It normally presents itself in the early twenties, has she had any episodes prior to this?
Quite often it can be a physical i.e. UTI, Thyroid etc rather than psychological issue but only a full blood work up will screen this...
Anyways if you've got a good GP they can talk you through this...After a blood/physical work up you could then get the local MH assessment team to do an assessment...but be prepared to wait as there is, as with any frontline NHS service, but you should get her seen within 4 weeks or so...
Otherwise if she presents a danger to herself or others then straight to A&E where she'll get an immediate assessment...well I say immediate but it'll be faster than 4 weeks!
Obviously this is the nuclear option but I've highlighted the two options available to you...
Anything else please ask or PM...
Cheers
Benjurs
Has she lost grip of reality or just changed? One sounds like mental illness the other sounds like a middle aged women having an affair. Most people with mental illness know they're not well unless its a serious psychosis (which you'd have no problem spotting) or a very fast onset of dementia. She could just fancy a change?
I went through a bipolar diagnosis with/of my then girlfriend about 4 years ago. The actual diagnosis really was more of a formality, sticking a name on something that had a lot of unanswered questions.
One of the things that made me happy to be around her was I wasnt sure what she was going to say/do next, but it was generally in a funny comedy way.
It started to get a bit less funny, mostly accusations; things like we went shopping and I was actively trying to starve her by not buying something, I was trying to harm her by not doing something else. The specifics dont matter, it was more the thought processes that werent really rational.
This wasnt a new thing for her, she'd been aware of it for a while, but in a 'people are different to me' kind of way. She'd been through it a long time ago, from school, being called a psycho, a nutjob, basically there werent many boundaries for her and wouldnt stop or be able to stop types of behaviour. Drinking, arguments, fun things, everything was turned up to 11.
Anyway, the diagnosis came about from basically my ignorance. I told her to have a word with herself about her behaviour, rather than try to understand it. That led to a visit to the local mental health clinic where the g/f had a case worker. It was all a bit alien to me, I was sat in the waiting room with people who talk to themselves, people who talk to anyone, people who eat chalk. It's hard not to get an assumption or some fear going, but for the then g/f it was second nature. I hadnt realised she'd been there before but later found out she'd been committed a few years ago for a week to sort some things out.
The actual diagnosing had a fallout that went on long after our relationship had ended, some of it was the delivery from the case worker and mental health team, it was kind of a 'you've got this wrong with you, here's some leaflets to read about it'
Her reaction revolved around how people with bipolar were separated out 'there's nothing wrong with me, it's everyone else that has the problem' and very vicious circular arguments over anything. Black is white or vice versa, didnt really matter, anyone within the vicinity was the anti christ.
If your loved one does have bipolar, you need to understand a lot and really get to know yourself, as they'll have you questioning your rationality a lot. It's the sort of thing that tends to have been biting away over a period of years for most people, and a case worker wont be surprised by it, they'll have been monitoring it for years if the person has been in some kind of support program.
I know 7 people with bipolar. Some medicate with lithium, some with vodka, some dont bother on the basis of 'I'm f
ked anyway, what does it matter'
Medication is a helper to manage things, it doesnt fix it
It's important to find your own boundaries of what's acceptable and what's not, and make your lines very clear, but make it about the behaviour not the person
One of the things that made me happy to be around her was I wasnt sure what she was going to say/do next, but it was generally in a funny comedy way.
It started to get a bit less funny, mostly accusations; things like we went shopping and I was actively trying to starve her by not buying something, I was trying to harm her by not doing something else. The specifics dont matter, it was more the thought processes that werent really rational.
This wasnt a new thing for her, she'd been aware of it for a while, but in a 'people are different to me' kind of way. She'd been through it a long time ago, from school, being called a psycho, a nutjob, basically there werent many boundaries for her and wouldnt stop or be able to stop types of behaviour. Drinking, arguments, fun things, everything was turned up to 11.
Anyway, the diagnosis came about from basically my ignorance. I told her to have a word with herself about her behaviour, rather than try to understand it. That led to a visit to the local mental health clinic where the g/f had a case worker. It was all a bit alien to me, I was sat in the waiting room with people who talk to themselves, people who talk to anyone, people who eat chalk. It's hard not to get an assumption or some fear going, but for the then g/f it was second nature. I hadnt realised she'd been there before but later found out she'd been committed a few years ago for a week to sort some things out.
The actual diagnosing had a fallout that went on long after our relationship had ended, some of it was the delivery from the case worker and mental health team, it was kind of a 'you've got this wrong with you, here's some leaflets to read about it'
Her reaction revolved around how people with bipolar were separated out 'there's nothing wrong with me, it's everyone else that has the problem' and very vicious circular arguments over anything. Black is white or vice versa, didnt really matter, anyone within the vicinity was the anti christ.
If your loved one does have bipolar, you need to understand a lot and really get to know yourself, as they'll have you questioning your rationality a lot. It's the sort of thing that tends to have been biting away over a period of years for most people, and a case worker wont be surprised by it, they'll have been monitoring it for years if the person has been in some kind of support program.
I know 7 people with bipolar. Some medicate with lithium, some with vodka, some dont bother on the basis of 'I'm f
ked anyway, what does it matter' Medication is a helper to manage things, it doesnt fix it
It's important to find your own boundaries of what's acceptable and what's not, and make your lines very clear, but make it about the behaviour not the person
Edited by andy-xr on Monday 22 June 14:34
from a psychiatrist's pov it's difficult to comment. however, as per Benjur's offer, feel free to message privately if you're still struggling.
i appreciate the need to remain non-specific on a forum but we do need a bit more info if we're able to offer advice.
age?
the changes observed, specifically?. behavioural? mental? both?
any hx of mental illness/disorder?
any recent organic pathologies?
cognitive changes/deficits?
alcohol/drugs?
diagnosis is almost always by exclusion and mental disorders are more tricky than most other specialities. it's often a case of reviewing the known clinical findings/hx and adding in the associated collaterals before we can reach a conclusion.
from the limited information available, i don't know what it is but it's not bi-polar
paul
i appreciate the need to remain non-specific on a forum but we do need a bit more info if we're able to offer advice.
age?
the changes observed, specifically?. behavioural? mental? both?
any hx of mental illness/disorder?
any recent organic pathologies?
cognitive changes/deficits?
alcohol/drugs?
diagnosis is almost always by exclusion and mental disorders are more tricky than most other specialities. it's often a case of reviewing the known clinical findings/hx and adding in the associated collaterals before we can reach a conclusion.
from the limited information available, i don't know what it is but it's not bi-polar
paul
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