Scattering ashes.

[daveorange]

Not too sure where to post this but here goes.

My Auntie died 7 years ago and was cremated. My Uncle could never scatter her ashes and she "lived" on the windowsill in their bedroom. My Uncle passed away a couple of months ago and he too was cremated.

They had no children and I am the Next of Kin. I am just finalising the estate and am at the point where I need to do the "correct" thing with their ashes. They lived in a very pretty, rural part of Berkshire/Wiltshire and I know there was a particular spot they both loved. It is here that I wish to scatter the ashes.However I am not sure of the protocol / permission required / words to say etc.

Any advice would be much appreciated.

[Studio117]

Scattered my nans ashes on the top of hill by my parents house.

Much better than on the estate in Morden where she lived.

[hondafreek]

I would just say do it, it would be a heartless bd who would do you for littering.

[Flying Toilet]

Can't see it being a problem to be honest, just don't stand downwind.

[Pat H]

Sorry to hear about your loss.

Various members of our family have their ashes scattered in the local churchyard and their names have been inscribed on a memorial wall.

I didn't know about this until many years later, and it was quite nice to be able to go to the churchyard and pick out their names. It seemed like there was something tangible, which wouldn't have been possible if their ashes had just been scattered on a hillside somewhere.

But as you are the only next of kin, then I don't suppose it really matters.

For what it's worth, my Dad's ashes are still in a little casket as my Mum can't bring herself to do anything with him.

He died 14 years ago...

Your thread is a timely reminder that I ought to find out what Mum wants.

My only other advice is not to do anything with them on a windy day.

[tyre smoke]

I scattered my mum's ashes on St Agnes Beacon in Cornwall. I suspect we needed permission, but to be honest, we took the vicar who said a few words, tipped her up and had a moment or two of quiet reflection.

I suspect there is some official permissions needed, but really? Are you going to bother?

[hornetrider]

Sorry for your loss. A nice thought to spread both sets of ashes somewhere they both loved. Can't see any problems with this at all, we scattered some ashes in a river outlet heading out to sea a few years ago.

[h0b0]

Yes, be wary of the wind. My friends father was scattered on top of Saddkeworth moor. The wind changed and the people present started to inhale him.

[anonymous-user]

Don't do what my friend did with his brother's...

Deceased was keen fisherman, ashes to be scattered at favourite fishing spot

Predictably - I suppose - my mate fell in river whilst scattering

He is sure he heard his brother laughing as he was climbing out...

Edited by anonymous-user on Wednesday 24th June 13:02

[davhill]

We'd buried Dad's ashes (less the urn) in the back garden. When we moved, they were 'exhumed' (along with his favourite dog's ashes, which were nearby). Then, my brother scattered them at the place by Windermere where we used to go boating/ waterski-ing.
27 years on, Mum passed on. Bro and I scattered her ashes at the same location. R.I.P.

Update: last time I went past, the place us being built on. Progress, but I haven't told my brother.

[Pat H]

davhill said:

We'd buried Dad's ashes (less the urn) in the back garden. When we moved, they were 'exhumed' (along with his favourite dog's ashes, which were nearby). Then, my brother scattered them at the place by Windermere where we used to go boating/ waterski-ing.
27 years on, Mum passed on. Bro and I scattered her ashes at the same location. R.I.P.

Update: last time I went past, the place us being built on. Progress, but I haven't told my brother.

This highlights some of the potential pitfalls.

I recall a lot of people being upset when Bolton Wanderers moved from Burnden Park to the Middlebrook.

Evidently there were lots of ashes scattered in the centre circle. It is now underneath a supermarket.

I think they eventually used some of the Burnden Park turf when laying the new pitch, but it is still a little unsatisfactory.

It is all very well burying the ashes and planting a tree on top, but it is only a matter of time before someone comes along and builds a motorway...

So you need to consider somewhere rather remote. Or perhaps a lake, river or out to sea.

[NailedOn]

A river is a safe option. The ashes disperse but the memory is of where they were scattered.

We chose a quiet morning for my Mum’s ashes to drift off down the Avon. A nice moment that we all remember.
You can buy some flowers and throw the petals in after the ashes. Watch them drift downstream and onwards to the sea.

[Bailey93]

My OH's, grandmother passed away this year. It's incredibly serreal seeing an urn on the cabinet thinking she is in there, when her grandfather also passes away they wish to be scattered at their birth place. I cant begin to imagine how i will feel seeing a fine dust going into the river knowing they were kind loving people, and they werent even my reletives


Stange world ay

[Simon Brooks]

Scattered my dads ashes outside the breakwater in Plymouth Sound, stunning sunny day, the sea was as flat as mill pond, he had told us years ago that was what he wanted, as he loved being in that part of the world, my mother is from Buckfastleigh, which is where they met whilst he was on national service.

Tipping the ashes was quite surreal, as they seemed to balloon outwards before gradually sinking in the clear water, taking him to his final resting place. Get to go back there at least once a year and just sit and look out to sea and talk with him.

[Timmy40]

h0b0 said:

Yes, be wary of the wind. My friends father was scattered on top of Saddkeworth moor. The wind changed and the people present started to inhale him.

I know I shouldn't laugh but

[beko1987]

Both my step grandad and step grans ashes were scattered in the thames, as close to the place they used to sit as is possible since apparently the river eroded the bank so much over 50 odd years that we would have needed a boat.

The family gathered on both occasions in the nearby carpark, we all walked 20 minutes along the riverbank to the spot, us young-uns cleared the weeds etc from the bank so we could get near, waited for the wind to die down, tipped the urn up, then hid it and said some words.

Apparently it's illegal to just scatter ashes, what would happen if caught I don't know, but I remember being told it. The urn went under a nearby pram and we just milled around for a bit before heading back to my aunts house for the wake.

My real grandparents may be a bit trickier. The family graveyard where their parents were buried has been full and closed for new burials for the past 30 years, Grandad said that they want to be cremated, and their ashes tipped into my grans parents graves, which has a crack in the side so it's do-able after brushing the decorative gravel aside, either with full permission of the current vicar, or in the middle of the night without anyone knowing! Made sense to me, I'll probably ask the vicar first though if it's ok, then re-point the cracked grave top (it's one of those concrete cask affairs)

[The Moose]

Bailey93 said:

My OH's, grandmother passed away this year. It's incredibly serreal seeing an urn on the cabinet thinking she is in there.

It's probably not worth mentioning it to her, but it's unlikely to actually be the grandmother in there...

[so called]

Similarly, my Mum, 'lived on' in our family home until my Dad passed away nearly five years ago.
We selected a spot in the town cemetery for the cremated.
A head stone stands with my parents details and there ashes are mixed together, buried under the head stone.

I was going to post a photo but the company firewall wont allow.
Now I've looked at the photo, I'm realizing how much I miss them

[FD3Si]

h0b0 said:

Yes, be wary of the wind. My friends father was scattered on top of Saddkeworth moor. The wind changed and the people present started to inhale him.

Snap. My Grandma scattered her husband on a dog.

[Blue Cat]

My father when he goes wants to be scattered somewhere you really shouldn't and when I pointed this out to him, he now wants us to do it but in the style of The Great Escape when they are scattering dirt with bags up their trousers.

I think that we will