Wanted great sarcastic and wel thought out put downs

[silverfoxcc]

I may have the misfortune of meeting one of the most pompous and self centred tts God ever put on this Earth, and would like to have a carefully rehearsed adlib to send him on his way, one preferrably that he cannot reply to.
I know already of the one when he is talking and you but in and say

'Can i just stop you there?' and then you just walk away

but another i recall on here had went

You (something like 'And you are?')
He replies I am XXX
You Oh I thought you were someone who had something interesting to say? /i should take note of,'

Or similar

Any others welcomed

[silverfoxcc]

Doogz, thats why i am asking, I want the one wher its like a delayed action bomb....10 mins later he realises he has been well and truly shafted verbally

[daytona365]

'Wanted' doesn't get.

[Jamp]

"You are mistaken" works well in the right context. Unequivocal yet polite(ish) way of telling someone they are wrong or lying.

[kowalski655]

Maybe some suggestions here

http://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?h=0&a...

[ZOLLAR]

As the old saying goes “Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.”
I'd say this getting back with a rehearsed quip will see you both descend into an argument and if he is a seasoned pro he may well come out better.
No doubt other people can see what he's like so you're better off just ignoring him.

[magooagain]

Tell him to take a breath . Then just walk away.

[toohangry]

silverfoxcc said:

but another i recall on here had went

You (something like 'And you are?')
He replies I am XXX
You Oh I thought you were someone who had something interesting to say? /i should take note of,'

That sounds devastating.

Maybe you could say 'Reconsider entering a verbal battle with me, for I have asked for help from an internet forum on how to be witty and cutting'.

Or 'I know you are but what am I?' when he insults your intelligence.

Or 'No YOUR grammar and spelling is worse!' when he criticises your appalling English.

[Mr Roper]

ZOLLAR said:

As the old saying goes “Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.”

Disagree completely.

[ZOLLAR]

Mr Roper said:

ZOLLAR said:

As the old saying goes “Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.”

Disagree completely.

I'm not going to argue with you

[Ari]

I quite like 'you appear to be confusing me with someone that gives a fk', but it isn't very original I'm afraid.

[Mafffew]

Purity14 said:

This whole thing is cringe.

Who goes around saying stuff like that?
Why do you want to join in?

Indeed. Knobs will be knobs. Unless he's shagged yer misses then don't give him the time of day.

Or if you're really that bothered, shag his misses.

[crofty1984]

Look, just stop. You're being really boring.

[FiF]

Must admit I lol'd at the one in the I'm paying to heat my landlord's swimming pool thread.

The one that started "I'm not a very good gynaecologist..."

[motco]

"I am a bit of a bullstter myself, but it's really good to listen to an expert"

[J4CKO]

it needs to be original and not scripted, you will be itching to blurt it out and do it at the wrong moment or muff it up like David Brent.

You cant fake it, well not easily.

[Baryonyx]

The genius of this sort of thing is being able to pull a put down out of your hat flawlessly in context where it is utterly devastating. If you need to rehearse beforehand you'd do better keeping your mouth shut.

[Galileo]

silverfoxcc said:

...a carefully rehearsed adlib..

I think I've heard everything now.

FYI
https://www.google.co.uk/search?q=adlib&ie=utf...

[Impasse]

"...and if you were my wife I'd drink it."

[Axionknight]

Tell him that you will murder his wife and children with a tenderizing hammer and then post tiny pieces of their bodies to him, the parts you didn't cook and eat anyway, plus photographs, if he opens his wise arsed mouth again.