Do you have to have a funeral ?
Discussion
My father in law died last week and my wife is dreading his funeral, it seems harsh to go through bereavement and then have to arrange all that, nobody enjoys them, that would be weird, but do we actually need it ?
I hate going to them, people say its "to say goodbye", he has died, I can get my head round that, not sure why we have to have that whole macabre thing with a coffin going through curtains or lowered into the ground, why not just have a party and remember the deceased without that bit ?
15 min slot at the local crematorium, someone saying some nice things they have been told to say, a bit of religion even if not religious.
It just seems a weird thing to do, I want nobody to be there, just cremate my body and dispose of the ashes, as really have a jar of powdered human remains is a bit grim, scattering them in places I liked, er, I am dead, it is some dust that used to comprise my bones, no point scattering it somewhere I liked as I am dead and it wont make any difference.
Perhaps people will eventually move away from it, after all the Victorians used to have a family photo with the deceased which seemed normal to them.
I guess I do it all in my head and everyone may be different, maybe the ashes are all they have left, but really aren't photos and memories better, I do quite like the idea of a diamond made from it.
I hate going to them, people say its "to say goodbye", he has died, I can get my head round that, not sure why we have to have that whole macabre thing with a coffin going through curtains or lowered into the ground, why not just have a party and remember the deceased without that bit ?
15 min slot at the local crematorium, someone saying some nice things they have been told to say, a bit of religion even if not religious.
It just seems a weird thing to do, I want nobody to be there, just cremate my body and dispose of the ashes, as really have a jar of powdered human remains is a bit grim, scattering them in places I liked, er, I am dead, it is some dust that used to comprise my bones, no point scattering it somewhere I liked as I am dead and it wont make any difference.
Perhaps people will eventually move away from it, after all the Victorians used to have a family photo with the deceased which seemed normal to them.
I guess I do it all in my head and everyone may be different, maybe the ashes are all they have left, but really aren't photos and memories better, I do quite like the idea of a diamond made from it.
J4CKO said:
It just seems a weird thing to do, I want nobody to be there, just cremate my body and dispose of the ashes, as really have a jar of powdered human remains is a bit grim, scattering them in places I liked, er, I am dead, it is some dust that used to comprise my bones, no point scattering it somewhere I liked as I am dead and it wont make any difference.
You're dead, it's no longer about you. Relatives and friends might take solace from flinging your ashes somewhere that reminds them of you and getting together to cry and chat at a funeral. Do you want your loved ones to be denied a service just because you didn't understand them, when you used to be alive?
toohangry said:
J4CKO said:
It just seems a weird thing to do, I want nobody to be there, just cremate my body and dispose of the ashes, as really have a jar of powdered human remains is a bit grim, scattering them in places I liked, er, I am dead, it is some dust that used to comprise my bones, no point scattering it somewhere I liked as I am dead and it wont make any difference.
You're dead, it's no longer about you. Relatives and friends might take solace from flinging your ashes somewhere that reminds them of you and getting together to cry and chat at a funeral. Do you want your loved ones to be denied a service just because you didn't understand them, when you used to be alive?
The service, done by a religious figure who didn't actually know me, reading some notes given to them just before, just have a party
gus607 said:
I don't think that you HAVE to have a funeral service at all.
Private trip to the Crem, up the chimney, jobs a gud un !
My sister and her husband died within a few months of each other, and both insisted on a non-service disposal. Their remains were taken from the hospital by funeral directors, straight to the crem and dealt with accordingly. My brother (against their wishes) attended both disposals just to make sure the funeral guys did it in accordance with what was expected. No religion, no mourners, no baloney.Private trip to the Crem, up the chimney, jobs a gud un !
I think the only law we all have to comply with, is that the bodies are disposed of in a legal hygienic manner. It sounds right up my street too, and I've told my sole offspring that's what I want. There's still a massive bill from the funeral directors, though - surely there's some way to circumnavigate that?
Funerals are a chance for closure. The departure of a loved one is often not preceeded by a lengthy illness and can be completely unexpected.
It's very sad yes, but I do think it's part of the greiving process and an important one for those left behind. The opportunity to say goodbye and remember that person.
When my dear old gran passed, the whole family was gathered together for that final goodbye which was followed by an almighty night out to the point we did have to occasionally remind ourselves why we were all there in the first place. But Gran would have loved it so we carried on.
Personally, I do feel that funerals should be a celebration of the person departed - if anyone wears black at mine I would not be happy! I want to be carted into church to Welcome to the Jungle by GnR and probably carried out to Paradise City. And I'll be willing some money for the bar at my wake to buy everyone a last pint.
It's very sad yes, but I do think it's part of the greiving process and an important one for those left behind. The opportunity to say goodbye and remember that person.
When my dear old gran passed, the whole family was gathered together for that final goodbye which was followed by an almighty night out to the point we did have to occasionally remind ourselves why we were all there in the first place. But Gran would have loved it so we carried on.
Personally, I do feel that funerals should be a celebration of the person departed - if anyone wears black at mine I would not be happy! I want to be carted into church to Welcome to the Jungle by GnR and probably carried out to Paradise City. And I'll be willing some money for the bar at my wake to buy everyone a last pint.
I don't get the "closure" thing, to me the closure is getting the misery of the funeral out of the way, someone close to you has died and standing in a Crematorium for 20 mins doesn't offer anything other than a fairly dreadful experience of people crying and being in a weird place you never really want to visit again, fully aware that there are massive industrial incinerators behind the curtain.
I don't feel the need to be near, or see the body, the person, that which we knew and loved has gone.
I can see how it offers comfort for some but I don't get anything from it other than even more sadness, but if its my funeral, I will bloody well call the shots
I don't feel the need to be near, or see the body, the person, that which we knew and loved has gone.
I can see how it offers comfort for some but I don't get anything from it other than even more sadness, but if its my funeral, I will bloody well call the shots
Another way to get yourself planted - as fertiliser for a tree
http://www.earthporm.com/bye-bye-coffins-these-org...
http://www.earthporm.com/bye-bye-coffins-these-org...
anonymous said:
[redacted]
Information regarding 'direct funerals' are available on most local council websites. Here's an example.Looks like a right faff and places a lot of burden on the surviving relative.
http://www.west-norfolk.gov.uk/pdf/1150-71%20Arran...
I've been to some cracking funerals. It's not all about sadness, it can be a celebration of life.
One was planned by the deceased, a bit of an extrovert with terminal cancer. Black tie ban, jazz band, champagne and lobster, great party, loud clothes, loud cars, loud music. Shame he didn't get to go to the send off, he'd of loved it.
One was planned by the deceased, a bit of an extrovert with terminal cancer. Black tie ban, jazz band, champagne and lobster, great party, loud clothes, loud cars, loud music. Shame he didn't get to go to the send off, he'd of loved it.
As others have said, you need a funeral, but not the service - the funeral basically being the disposal of the body.
Personally though, if anyone was thinking of requesting a non-service in their will to think of their loved ones - you don't have to have a religious one, many don't and if you're worried about the cost to your NOK you can buy insurance relatively inexpensively.
I hate funerals, most people do, but when I've lost someone really close to me, I always feel better after the funeral, I know that sounds arrogant, but it's often the point when I start to get over the grieving and start to move on.
Personally though, if anyone was thinking of requesting a non-service in their will to think of their loved ones - you don't have to have a religious one, many don't and if you're worried about the cost to your NOK you can buy insurance relatively inexpensively.
I hate funerals, most people do, but when I've lost someone really close to me, I always feel better after the funeral, I know that sounds arrogant, but it's often the point when I start to get over the grieving and start to move on.
In answer to the OP's question, yes, a lot of people get something out of it. Doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you if you don't, though. Can't think of any culture that just disposed of bodies without some ritual. The need to attach meaning to events and signify that with ritual is universal. Frankly, if that sorry of ritual ain't your thing, be grateful our modern cremations are so quick and easy. At least no one is asking you to sit down and tuck into Aunty Doris with a knife and fork, or dig up Cousin Fred's head and take it to watch the match.
PositronicRay said:
One was planned by the deceased, a bit of an extrovert with terminal cancer. Black tie ban, jazz band, champagne and lobster, great party, loud clothes, loud cars, loud music. Shame he didn't get to go to the send off, he'd of loved it.
My friend's Mum planned hers when she was told she was terminal.It was held so she could go as she didn't want Hospice visits to be the last time people saw her and she said if there was going to be a party to celebrate her she damn well wanted to be there to see who came to it (and she changed her will to exclude some relatives that didn't go!)
anonymous said:
[redacted]
Well do you expect them to wrap you up and chuck you in the boot? It's not a tip run.There's certin things that need to be done with the body too no? No doubt you'll have to wait for some paperwork from some Public body before you can crack on.
As for the closure, for me that coems from the wake.
Agree with the OP - a lot of faff for nothing.
Remember, celebrate the life, have a knees up and get sloshed all fine.
Anything else just seems unnecessary to me.
Can you leave your body to science? If so, will they dispose of all of it? Or do you have to have a funeral for the bits that would have gone in a sausage if you were a pig?
Remember, celebrate the life, have a knees up and get sloshed all fine.
Anything else just seems unnecessary to me.
Can you leave your body to science? If so, will they dispose of all of it? Or do you have to have a funeral for the bits that would have gone in a sausage if you were a pig?
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