Copy of e-mail received by B&Q customer services:

[diddyman]

Dear Sir/Madam

My congratulations to you on getting a yacht to leave the UK on 28th November 2004, sail 27,354 miles around the world and arrive back 72 days later.

Could you please let me know when the kitchen I ordered 96 days ago will be arriving from your warehouse 13 miles away?


Yours Sincerely

John Roberts

[JonRB]

[vixpy1]

Superb!

[Plotloss]

Magnificent!

[MrFlibbles]

[focused]

Dear Mr Diddyman,

Your kitchen shall be delivered within the next few days. The unfortunate delay in delivering your kitchen was due to an admin' error and has spent the last 72 days at sea.

On the bright side though, I have pleasure in informing you that your new kitchen now has a, shall we say, rustic/driftwood effect, which I'm sure you will find most appealing.

Yours truly

Dame Ellen MacArthur.

[diddyman]

That's all well and good, Ellen, but I specifically asked for a farmhouse effect kitchen, not a boathouse.

[bigandclever]

Dear Mr Diddyman,

Further to my previous note, I feel I should add that due to the modular construction of our kitchens, and a minor repair that has been effected by our delivery driver, your oven door is now on top of a 30m high pole.

Yours etc

Dame Ellen MacArthur.

[focused]

Hey, I'm only the fecking delivery person, take it up
with head-office. Damn, there's no pleasing some
people.

And it's DAME Ellen to you buddy.

Great choice of car though.

[diddyman]

bigandclever said:

Dear Mr Diddyman, Further to my previous note, I feel I should add that due to the modular construction of our kitchens, and a minor repair that has been effected by our delivery driver, your oven door is now on top of a 30m high pole. Yours etc Dame Ellen MacArthur.

Dear Ellen

If you had looked at the order, you would have noticed that I did not want an oven as I can't cook.

Please cancel my order as I managed to get a real bargain at Ikea in Edmonton at 4.00am (and only had to trample 5 people to get it!)

Ta

[diddyman]

focused said:

Hey, I'm only the fecking delivery person, take it up with head-office. Damn, there's no pleasing some people. And it's DAME Ellen to you buddy.

Don't you buddy me, Ellen.

I was Lord Diddyman before you even got in a dinghy!

focused said:

Great choice of car though.

Good, aren't they. I made mine from bits I got from Homebase.


>> Edited by diddyman on Thursday 10th February 15:54

>> Edited by diddyman on Thursday 10th February 15:57

[focused]

diddyman said:

Good, aren't they. I made mine from bits I got from Homebase.

Excellent cars, unfortunetly, I got mine from B&Q and I'm still waiting for the engine to be delivered.

Are you going to the Virginia Waters meet?

[diddyman]

focused said:

diddyman said: Good, aren't they. I made mine from bits I got from Homebase. Excellent cars, unfortunetly, I got mine from B&Q and I'm still waiting for the engine to be delivered. Are you going to the Virginia Waters meet?

Oh dear, nothing too terminal, I trust?

Whens the VW meet? Mine is in the body shop until 19th Feb and then being serviced etc, so won't get it back until 23/24 Feb. Off on a minor blat with some other PHers on 27 Feb, though....

>> Edited by diddyman on Thursday 10th February 16:04

[focused]

20th Feb, so I guess you can't make it, that's a shame. I went last year and it was a great day out.
Here's the link.....

www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?p=1&f=23&t=147707&h=0

You must let us know of any reply you get from B&Q. That is one of the best complaint emails I've seen. Good luck with your kitchen.


>> Edited by focused on Thursday 10th February 16:46

[diddyman]

focused said:

20th Feb, so I guess you can't make it, that's a shame. I went last year and it was a great day out. Here's the link..... www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?p=1&f=23&t=147707&h=0

Yup, I just saw it. Oh well, I've been waiting 3 & 1/2 months, another fortnight won't hurt!