What would you do? Seperation
Discussion
Not me but a mate, was discussing it with him last night telling him some home truths, this is his situation
⦁ 37 male.
⦁ Not married, together 22 years. Lived together 13 years same house.
⦁ 2 kids, boy/girl 8/12.
⦁ Own house, mortgage joint. PCM £220.00 Council Tax £110. £200.
£90k left, £140k. Equity of £50k.
⦁ Mrs works 16 hours per week, max under benefits regs.
⦁ She receives approx:
working tax cred £130 p/w
child tax cred £100 p/w
child benefit £40 p/w
Wages from morrisons £150 pw (£420 p/w £1,680 pcm)
⦁ She has about £250 per week disposable.
⦁ Male left family home August 2015, sofa surfing. Homeless.
⦁ Partner refuses to have male stay in house or she'll leave with kids, she has places she could go to. Mothers mother has 3 bed house 1/4 mile away.
⦁ Have joint account, don't use.
⦁ Generally male is paid cash and gives cash to his ex regularly. She did not want a set weekly amount she wanted to request money as and when she saw fit. Male has no paper trail for cash payments and would hapily swap to BACS under an agreement
⦁ Electoral role - both. Certain house bills come only to male.
⦁ Male owns a car, £2k. She drives. Male is on V5 and insurance, she says male can't sell as she needs it to get kids to work. Male owns Van so is mobile. She has enough disposable to lease a small nissan and he can pull the £2k out of car for deposit on rental property
⦁ Male wishes to move back into family home but doesn't want his MRS to move his kids so is currently homeless with no dough
Figures may not all add up to the penny, bit of fag packet maths but interested to see what a couple of you with eperience of this would do under circumstances
⦁ 37 male.
⦁ Not married, together 22 years. Lived together 13 years same house.
⦁ 2 kids, boy/girl 8/12.
⦁ Own house, mortgage joint. PCM £220.00 Council Tax £110. £200.
£90k left, £140k. Equity of £50k.
⦁ Mrs works 16 hours per week, max under benefits regs.
⦁ She receives approx:
working tax cred £130 p/w
child tax cred £100 p/w
child benefit £40 p/w
Wages from morrisons £150 pw (£420 p/w £1,680 pcm)
⦁ She has about £250 per week disposable.
⦁ Male left family home August 2015, sofa surfing. Homeless.
⦁ Partner refuses to have male stay in house or she'll leave with kids, she has places she could go to. Mothers mother has 3 bed house 1/4 mile away.
⦁ Have joint account, don't use.
⦁ Generally male is paid cash and gives cash to his ex regularly. She did not want a set weekly amount she wanted to request money as and when she saw fit. Male has no paper trail for cash payments and would hapily swap to BACS under an agreement
⦁ Electoral role - both. Certain house bills come only to male.
⦁ Male owns a car, £2k. She drives. Male is on V5 and insurance, she says male can't sell as she needs it to get kids to work. Male owns Van so is mobile. She has enough disposable to lease a small nissan and he can pull the £2k out of car for deposit on rental property
⦁ Male wishes to move back into family home but doesn't want his MRS to move his kids so is currently homeless with no dough
Figures may not all add up to the penny, bit of fag packet maths but interested to see what a couple of you with eperience of this would do under circumstances
I suggest he formalises his payments through his bank rather than cash.
He has a van so doesn't need the car so let partner keep car.
She may really need it for kids/work.
She has the kids so she will stay in the house.
Kids are the most important thing in this situation.
If there is no chance of them getting back then everything needs to be agreed between the 2 of them.
I'm sure there is some mediation service they can use.
He needs to get as much cash together so he can rent a place, for him as well as for somewhere for the kids to go when its his turn to have them.
He may need to get a second job or change his present job if possible.
A visit to CAB re. the legal position with the house/mortgage etc. may be an idea.
Are there any savings?
He has a van so doesn't need the car so let partner keep car.
She may really need it for kids/work.
She has the kids so she will stay in the house.
Kids are the most important thing in this situation.
If there is no chance of them getting back then everything needs to be agreed between the 2 of them.
I'm sure there is some mediation service they can use.
He needs to get as much cash together so he can rent a place, for him as well as for somewhere for the kids to go when its his turn to have them.
He may need to get a second job or change his present job if possible.
A visit to CAB re. the legal position with the house/mortgage etc. may be an idea.
Are there any savings?
kGreatGranny said:
I suggest he formalises his payments through his bank rather than cash.
He has a van so doesn't need the car so let partner keep car.
She may really need it for kids/work.
She has the kids so she will stay in the house.
Kids are the most important thing in this situation.
If there is no chance of them getting back then everything needs to be agreed between the 2 of them.
I'm sure there is some mediation service they can use.
He needs to get as much cash together so he can rent a place, for him as well as for somewhere for the kids to go when its his turn to have them.
He may need to get a second job or change his present job if possible.
A visit to CAB re. the legal position with the house/mortgage etc. may be an idea.
Are there any savings?
ThanksHe has a van so doesn't need the car so let partner keep car.
She may really need it for kids/work.
She has the kids so she will stay in the house.
Kids are the most important thing in this situation.
If there is no chance of them getting back then everything needs to be agreed between the 2 of them.
I'm sure there is some mediation service they can use.
He needs to get as much cash together so he can rent a place, for him as well as for somewhere for the kids to go when its his turn to have them.
He may need to get a second job or change his present job if possible.
A visit to CAB re. the legal position with the house/mortgage etc. may be an idea.
Are there any savings?
I advised to formalise payments and send via BACS, she has been reluctant to do this but he needs to force her to fr his own sake.
No savings.
He could sell his car and have the deposit, she has enough disposable cash to lease a £100 pcm car. I'm sure my mate got a micra on a 2 year deal at that price the other day.
If they agree to sell the house they will have £20k each to put down on new houses for each of them so kids will be fine, is this not an option foor him
a 90k mortgage for £220 a month. that doesn't sound right, unless they are interest only.
plus gas, electric, water, phones, cable, mortgage insurance, car insurance, road tax, car servicing.
plus food and clothing (kids)
does he really need a car at this point ?
Aren't tax credits a joke though, free money for thining yr working hours down. Where do I sign for them ? Presumably she'll get more anyway with husband gone.
I guess reality is, house will stay as is, with children in. he'll need to start from scratch.
plus gas, electric, water, phones, cable, mortgage insurance, car insurance, road tax, car servicing.
plus food and clothing (kids)
does he really need a car at this point ?
Aren't tax credits a joke though, free money for thining yr working hours down. Where do I sign for them ? Presumably she'll get more anyway with husband gone.
I guess reality is, house will stay as is, with children in. he'll need to start from scratch.
austinsmirk said:
a 90k mortgage for £220 a month. that doesn't sound right, unless they are interest only.
plus gas, electric, water, phones, cable, mortgage insurance, car insurance, road tax, car servicing.
plus food and clothing (kids)
does he really need a car at this point ?
Aren't tax credits a joke though, free money for thining yr working hours down. Where do I sign for them ? Presumably she'll get more anyway with husband gone.
I guess reality is, house will stay as is, with children in. he'll need to start from scratch.
Hi,plus gas, electric, water, phones, cable, mortgage insurance, car insurance, road tax, car servicing.
plus food and clothing (kids)
does he really need a car at this point ?
Aren't tax credits a joke though, free money for thining yr working hours down. Where do I sign for them ? Presumably she'll get more anyway with husband gone.
I guess reality is, house will stay as is, with children in. he'll need to start from scratch.
It was CAP-REPAY but they switched it to Interest Only hence the low amount.
She has a high disposable income to deal with those types of bills and he currently pays some of them anyway outside of their CASH arrangement. I think it's unfair with decent equity and decent disposable income they could sell up
These tax credits are a joke.
If he's had enough of sofa surfing, then take a look at www.spareroom.co.uk where people rent out a bedroom in their house. It's a short term thing til finances get back in order. Not ideal but its a place to hunker down for a while and get sorted. Having a live-in landlord/lady means you're not entirely alone in a bedsit.
He needs to formalise what he's paying out and get direct debits put in her name.
He should pay half the mortgage and buildings insurance.
He should pay child maintenance.
Anything else really is up to him.
Get the joint account closed. If she got crappy then she could set up an overdraft for which he is jointly liable.
I would be minded to keep the property til the kids have left fulltime education, then go to a solicitor regarding getting your equity (free half hour chat).
I would ask why he wants to be back in the "family" home. Living with an ex can be pretty frosty unless the place is big enough to happily have separate living spaces.
He needs to formalise what he's paying out and get direct debits put in her name.
He should pay half the mortgage and buildings insurance.
He should pay child maintenance.
Anything else really is up to him.
Get the joint account closed. If she got crappy then she could set up an overdraft for which he is jointly liable.
I would be minded to keep the property til the kids have left fulltime education, then go to a solicitor regarding getting your equity (free half hour chat).
I would ask why he wants to be back in the "family" home. Living with an ex can be pretty frosty unless the place is big enough to happily have separate living spaces.
Edited by cootuk on Wednesday 4th November 09:17
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