Think about the kids..
Discussion
Just going on from the life choice thread, most people advising the OP not to spend more time away from the kids.
Seeing as we were all kids once. How many of you felt that any of your parents spent too long away from home due to work.
My father was always away for months at a time, he eventually left for the states when I was 12 and I barely saw him after that. We talk, he's a good guy, I don't hold anything against him. Don't feel like I grew up without a dad and he was doing it to keep bread on the table.
As a kid to be honest I wasnt that bothered. I daresay there are plenty who aren't today.
Is thinking of the kids mean you have to give up better pay and travel to be with them? Are they really that bothered?
I was quite proud of my dad as a kid. He had a good job, nice cars, we were in a nice house, I liked the fact that he traveled well and I respected his work ethic to do well for us much more than I did if he bummed it at home to watch me play football.
He thought of his kids no less for not being there and he made sacrifices that I respected. As many others could also
Seeing as we were all kids once. How many of you felt that any of your parents spent too long away from home due to work.
My father was always away for months at a time, he eventually left for the states when I was 12 and I barely saw him after that. We talk, he's a good guy, I don't hold anything against him. Don't feel like I grew up without a dad and he was doing it to keep bread on the table.
As a kid to be honest I wasnt that bothered. I daresay there are plenty who aren't today.
Is thinking of the kids mean you have to give up better pay and travel to be with them? Are they really that bothered?
I was quite proud of my dad as a kid. He had a good job, nice cars, we were in a nice house, I liked the fact that he traveled well and I respected his work ethic to do well for us much more than I did if he bummed it at home to watch me play football.
He thought of his kids no less for not being there and he made sacrifices that I respected. As many others could also
My dad worked away for weeks at a time, often only coming home for 1 weekend a month, we did miss him but it soon became the norm, the hardest bit was when he stopped working away and got promoted to his cushy office job, we had to adjust majorly to having him around again all the time
My dad travelled a lot with his work. It was unusual because my mum died when I was 6 so I was farmed out to foster parents, neighbours, boarding school etc. It has impacted our relationship, I don't see him anymore. It has made me very independent though and driven to live my life differently. I've tried to analyse his behaviour and can only assume that my mum dying f
ked him up pretty badly and I was always there as a reminder of her.
ked him up pretty badly and I was always there as a reminder of her. I was sent to boarding school at the age of 8. It has definitely impacted my relationship with my parents. My dad was often away also, so we rarely speak (maybe 5 times a year, plus a visit each way).
My Mum lives around an hour away, and our kids are her only grandchildren. She is very welcome to ring up and invite us over or invite herself over, but leaves it to us. So it doesn't happen very often!
I'm very self-sufficient and don't need much contact with others. I have my wife and kids and that takes up my time!
My Mum lives around an hour away, and our kids are her only grandchildren. She is very welcome to ring up and invite us over or invite herself over, but leaves it to us. So it doesn't happen very often!
I'm very self-sufficient and don't need much contact with others. I have my wife and kids and that takes up my time!
My parents were both teachers and I really did/do value having a good chunk of time with them during the holidays. Even so when my mother returned to full time work after my youngest brother was off to school we were often with child minders or when we were a bit older latch key kids. Which meant a lot of time with TV and computers.
Maybe quite old fashioned but I think the ideal set up is for the mother (or possibly father in the right circumstances) to be home when the kids are home. But of course it's not an ideal world.
I currently work away and see my daughter only at weekends most of the time and it's a big miss and not something I intend to do long term. I increasingly envy oil rig guys who have a solid 2/3/4 weeks off where they can really spend some time with their kids. But then I don't envy the ones going off to work now who will be stuck there over Christmas and New Year.
Maybe quite old fashioned but I think the ideal set up is for the mother (or possibly father in the right circumstances) to be home when the kids are home. But of course it's not an ideal world.
I currently work away and see my daughter only at weekends most of the time and it's a big miss and not something I intend to do long term. I increasingly envy oil rig guys who have a solid 2/3/4 weeks off where they can really spend some time with their kids. But then I don't envy the ones going off to work now who will be stuck there over Christmas and New Year.
My dad worked away a lot and had a long commute at times, I saw him in the evenings, but it put a stress on my parents marriage and they argued loads , they were great parents, but the arguing was very grim and horrendous at times
I have a 1 year old now and one of the reasons I like my current job is that its 20 mins from home, I get to see her every night and weekend (I used to have to travel Europe in last job) , I cant put a price on that. I could earn more if I had a further commute and we need the money, but family time is priceless to me.
I have 2 step kids (teenagers), they only see their real dad once a month, it used to be once a fortnight. Its sad they have grown apart from him and dont really respect him nor relate to him much. Its not just the lack of time together its his lack of communication full stop.
Each to their own at the end of the day, its difficult being a dad somtimes as you are often viewed as "the provider" so try and earn as much as possible but this can be shortsighted.
I have a 1 year old now and one of the reasons I like my current job is that its 20 mins from home, I get to see her every night and weekend (I used to have to travel Europe in last job) , I cant put a price on that. I could earn more if I had a further commute and we need the money, but family time is priceless to me.
I have 2 step kids (teenagers), they only see their real dad once a month, it used to be once a fortnight. Its sad they have grown apart from him and dont really respect him nor relate to him much. Its not just the lack of time together its his lack of communication full stop.
Each to their own at the end of the day, its difficult being a dad somtimes as you are often viewed as "the provider" so try and earn as much as possible but this can be shortsighted.
My Dad went away for 6 months shortly after I was born, then spent the rest of his life on 2 on 2 off or month on month off rotas.
I always see fathers justify it as "earning enough to keep the family" but as a fairly emotional and loving person, I missed having him around. Time flies by and the month or whatever he was at home, invariably I'd be at school or at activities anyway, so only see him the mornings and evenings anyway. Then the month he was away, I simply missed him.
I always see fathers justify it as "earning enough to keep the family" but as a fairly emotional and loving person, I missed having him around. Time flies by and the month or whatever he was at home, invariably I'd be at school or at activities anyway, so only see him the mornings and evenings anyway. Then the month he was away, I simply missed him.
My Mum and Dad split when I was young (3) and then divorced a couple of years later however we'd often see him on the weekends and it's never bothered me in the slightest not seeing him during the week - would much rather my parents be apart (now happily both remarried) than together and arguing. I think I was helped massively because I have a brother who is only 22 months younger than me so we had, and still have, similar interests.
My father was in the RAF. When I was a few months old he was posted to Egypt and I was separated from him for 9 months. When I was 6 he was posted to Iraq and I was separated from him for 15 months. When I was 12 he was posted to Singapore and I went to boarding school. The 2 years he was in Singapore I saw my parents for 7 weeks in each of the 2 school summer holidays. When they returned home I saw them in the longer school holidays until I left school and then saw them even less.
Did it impact on my relationship with my patents? Definitely. Never discussed with them anything that happened in my life and never asked for advice. My father died (at 64) 33 years ago and my mother died in September (at 93). I don't really miss either of them.
When my first daughter was born I had a job that meant I was out of the UK for a week at a time 20-25 times a year. When my second daughter was born nearly 3 years later I changed to working in the UK with only the occasional night away. Both daughters lived at home until they went to university. One now lives 10 miles away and the other 150 miles. I see them both much more often than I saw my parents and have a far closer relationship.
Did it impact on my relationship with my patents? Definitely. Never discussed with them anything that happened in my life and never asked for advice. My father died (at 64) 33 years ago and my mother died in September (at 93). I don't really miss either of them.
When my first daughter was born I had a job that meant I was out of the UK for a week at a time 20-25 times a year. When my second daughter was born nearly 3 years later I changed to working in the UK with only the occasional night away. Both daughters lived at home until they went to university. One now lives 10 miles away and the other 150 miles. I see them both much more often than I saw my parents and have a far closer relationship.
My dad worked abroad as a chef for most of my childhood; I can just about remember him but I can't recall spending lots of time with him when he was at home. He died when I was 7. It would be nice to have him see how I've got on in life, but as a parent figure, I don't really miss him.
My younger brother would have been nearly 2 when he died so he has no memories of him at all. He is far more affectionate and closer to my mum than I am; I suspect as he's only ever known her as his parent. He travels up from London to see her regularly and now I have a daughter, she comes over to spend time with her only grandchild at least twice a month so she's not ignored or excluded. She likes her own company too.
As a Daily Mail reader she reguarly infuriates me - and others - but as a parent myself I have to say credit to her for raising 2 young boys on her own. She did a good job in making sure we were brought up properly.
My younger brother would have been nearly 2 when he died so he has no memories of him at all. He is far more affectionate and closer to my mum than I am; I suspect as he's only ever known her as his parent. He travels up from London to see her regularly and now I have a daughter, she comes over to spend time with her only grandchild at least twice a month so she's not ignored or excluded. She likes her own company too.
As a Daily Mail reader she reguarly infuriates me - and others - but as a parent myself I have to say credit to her for raising 2 young boys on her own. She did a good job in making sure we were brought up properly.
My Dad worked near our home as a kid and I remember he was always home for supper but he worked hard 11hrs a day 6 days a week in a very stressful job and would often go into the office on sunday afternoons as well so I didn't spend much time with him, he used to take us swimming sunday mornings but I can't really remember him being around for much else. I don't think he did it for the money he did it because he liked his job. I don't resent him and I don't feel it really effected my relationship growing up, I still see both my parents regularly and they're very good grandparents, but maybe during my adolescence he could have been a more guiding light. My missus's Dad was in the RAF and missed huge chunks of her childhood, they get on fine now and I doubt she'd claim it had an effect on her, although some of the lifestyle might have.
I work away 3 nights a week but I generally only do 4 days so when my kids were young I'd spend all Friday and all weekend with them, I do my me stuff generally through the week when I'm away and try to do as much as I can with them but I get the feeling sometimes that I'm not quite as important to them as their mother - which is probably the way it should be.
I work away 3 nights a week but I generally only do 4 days so when my kids were young I'd spend all Friday and all weekend with them, I do my me stuff generally through the week when I'm away and try to do as much as I can with them but I get the feeling sometimes that I'm not quite as important to them as their mother - which is probably the way it should be.
I'm away most of the month, just spending 4 days (weekends) with the family. It has affected them, but I need to be where the work is and the benefit to them longer term is worth it, as I'll move back to the UK shortly and into a role that will hopefully enhance my career and earnings.
In terms of if the kids care - my 9 year old told me that he doesn't care if we have no money, just wished I was there more. He doesn't understand the implications of that statement of course, but I do think all kids want is their parents to be around, particularly boys and their Dad at this sort of age. The youngest (5) is much less fussed, but I'm finally going to pull it all together ans can't wait.
In terms of if the kids care - my 9 year old told me that he doesn't care if we have no money, just wished I was there more. He doesn't understand the implications of that statement of course, but I do think all kids want is their parents to be around, particularly boys and their Dad at this sort of age. The youngest (5) is much less fussed, but I'm finally going to pull it all together ans can't wait.
both my parents were always at home ( both worked ) every morning and every night. never away from home. holidays together each and every summer. loved every minute of my childhood. got one daughter now and I make sure I always put her to bed every night and that i'm there in the morning before she goes to school. wouldn't change a thing. time with your kids is priceless and time you'll never get back.
Edited by anonymous-user on Tuesday 8th December 13:23
My Dad's a Carpenter and mums never worked as never needed to, that has impacted me in the way i bring up my kids,I want to be there for them. as soon as my first was born i started to look for another job and the misses went part time, it means we have limited income but i get to see my kids every day and put them to bed. I wouldn't change that dynamic for all the money in the world. I could earn 50% more if i changed jobs but that would involved being away a lot.
Matt_N said:
JRM said:
In terms of if the kids care - my 9 year old told me that he doesn't care if we have no money, just wished I was there more.
That would break my heart if my son said that.I used to be out of the house at about 6.45am and get back anytime from 7pm up to 9pm depending on where I'd been & what the traffic was like. Doing that now would mean I'd not get to take my son to school nor pick him up, never mind reading him a book at bedtime etc. Sure, I'd have more money (I've been self-employed for the last 10 years) if I'd stayed on the career path I was on, but I wouldn't change what I did for the world. I'm a lot closer to my son than I ever was to my Dad & I want to keep it that way.
My dad was always around when I grew up he worked at bosch just outside Cardiff which was a good paying job for the majority of my childhood and left when the factory closed 5 years ago. There were times when his shifts meant I wouldn't see him for a full week if he was afternoons as he be sleeping when I go to school and be in bed by the time he came home but there were times when I see him all week.
My mother worked as a school cook until I was 17 so was always home in holidays etc and my dad always had min 1 week of over x-mas and 2 in the summer holidays I never went without and had everything I could possible had at the time.
Now im 23 my father is retired well been forced too and my mother is now the main earner I spend more time with him now than ever and i try as much as possible to keep him active and not just slump into retirement and be a typical old man sat in a chair for 12hrs per day.
My mother worked as a school cook until I was 17 so was always home in holidays etc and my dad always had min 1 week of over x-mas and 2 in the summer holidays I never went without and had everything I could possible had at the time.
Now im 23 my father is retired well been forced too and my mother is now the main earner I spend more time with him now than ever and i try as much as possible to keep him active and not just slump into retirement and be a typical old man sat in a chair for 12hrs per day.
It's not just spending time away from home - it's the things which are important to your kids. Concerts, sports days, school plays, football matches, even parents' evening - being there when it matters and showing that actually yes, you are more important to me than my job.
I missed a lot of those when my kids were younger and I'll never forget the first school play that I actually made it to, and the huge grin on my daughter's face when she spotted me in the audience. Things like that you don't realise you miss until you've already missed them and it's too late.
I missed a lot of those when my kids were younger and I'll never forget the first school play that I actually made it to, and the huge grin on my daughter's face when she spotted me in the audience. Things like that you don't realise you miss until you've already missed them and it's too late.
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