Mrs doing the dirty...

[ahhfisto]

So long story short. Together 8 years, engaged for 4, 2 kids, one under 3.

Mrs left the her emails open on my laptop so being nosey I had a look around (don't say you wouldn't).

Back in Jan I found she had started a conversation with someone she worked with a long time ago and no who lives in a diff country tho not too far away.

It progressed to from hello to, your gorgeous, send a pic, wanna meet up and eventually her saying she wanted to have dirty sex with him and they shud meet up.

that went on from jan to march then there was a space and one more message in june about "hey chick so how was your weekend."

Then it all stopped.

She has been ever increasingly using fb on her phone browser (not the app) and I have checked her browsing history and over the past while seen searches for flights to different locations.

We have a great sex life but ive began to realise its only usually when we have had a few drinks. She started to get kinky around the middle of the year and we were playing about with what we were doing. And although soppy I have noticed she never says she loves me. She actually asked me why I wasn't saying it too often!

I got her to send me a few pics of her in lingerie etc and last week when I was out she recorded a video.

The video wasn't sent to me but I found it on her fone. When I asked about it she said, oh yeah I was going to send that to you.

Im going to try and get a hold of her phone to get onto her fb. Installed a key logger on the pc but doubt she will use it to check her FB.

I nearly fkin cracked earlier going through all the emails (that ive saved) and feel near ill at the thought of it all.

The space from June to now, f"£$ what has went on and tbh im stting it to find out.

Any advice. This sucks!

Edited by ahhfisto on Monday 14th December 17:13

[DuraAce]

I think you know the answer. Time for the Spanish archer. El-bow.

That behaviour is a red card for me and the end with no going back. Life is too short to be mugged off and treated like that. Tomorrow would be the first day of the test of my life, a new start.

You might be able to forgive, forget and try again but I wouldn't.

[Petrol Only]

As above looks like game over.

Someone shall be along shortly to advise how t use your current position of strength wisely. Bad luck chap.

[Piersman2]

Either

a. Embrace the kink and join in, or
b. prepare to split.

Problem with a. is that she's doing it behind your back, so the trust is gone.
Which leaves only option b.

Start getting your ducks in a row as the only question now is 'When?'.

[anonymous-user]

My 2p:


dont bother with the key logger etc next time you are on your own, just ask her straight without being confrontational. She will either spill the beans or deny.


If you don't believe her, then you are fked anyway so it doesn't really matter whether she is lying or not.

It could well be that this old flame has just rekindled her kink and you have been soul beneficiary so far.

Overall that's not so bad a deal.



edited to add:

I hadn't heard about the Spanish Archer for about 20 years and it really did make me laugh. Nice one.

[anonymous-user]

don't install key loggers etc. Just ask her.

but as you already know the answer get yourself prepared for a split and to move on. Unless you are into swinging I would bank on this being the end for your 2 unless you want to stay together.

[otolith]

DuraAce said:

I think you know the answer. Time for the Spanish archer. El-bow.

That behaviour is a red card for me and the end with no going back. Life is too short to be mugged off and treated like that. Tomorrow would be the first day of the test of my life, a new start.

You might be able to forgive, forget and try again but I wouldn't.

His best interests are not the only thing at stake here.

[supertouring]

Should I ask how you chose your user name?

[ahhfisto]

cheers for the replies folks.

The only major thing for me is that we could split. The trust thing is bloody massive for me. During her pregnancy and birth of our youngest we didn't get it on for near 2 years!

Not ONCE did I ever consider cheating or indeed talking dirty to another woman. That's the real boot in the balls.
I love her, don't get wrong but sweet jeezus how can I stay with her in the knowledge she has (probably) shagged someone else.

Im more worried about the kids. the wee man is only 3 and we are so so good raising him as a family unit. Wouldn't want him to have split parents.

I literally feel sick and pretty run down at the mo. Do I really want to know whats went on between them since june?
I feel like trashing the house.

[ahhfisto]

supertouring said:

Should I ask how you chose your user name?

long story, not smut in any way lol

[Robertj21a]

Sorry, mate you've been shafted.

All this checking up on her does you no good, it just gets you upset and annoyed. She's already decided to see if the grass is greener elsewhere and, regardless of what now happens, you'll never feel that you can fully trust her again. I don't know why but quite a lot of women (and, I presume, men) seem to quite suddenly go off with another person with very little real thought of the impact on those around them.

You might want to spend a little bit of quiet time by yourself thinking of how you want to play it from here - where to live, moving cash/savings, speaking to a close friend/relation etc etc. Get your own act together a bit more before any serious confrontation.

[br d]

While largely agreeing with the sentiment here it is at least worth noting that this is an old friend in a different country. If she just had the urge for dirty sex she could have got it very easily, perhaps it is just a sex game to her rather than a concerted effort to play away?

Of course this doesn't excuse the fact that she has concealed everything. I really feel for you here.

[anonymous-user]

ahhfisto said:

cheers for the replies folks.


I literally feel sick and pretty run down at the mo. Do I really want to know whats went on between them since june?
I feel like trashing the house.

Definitely dont trash the house. No point in that.

How would you feel if she said: "st I am sorry - i got a bit carried away, never met him but it did give me the horn. You've seen the results. I am sorry, I will stay away from Facebook"?


If you still think she has been fking around then all is lost unless you can genuinely forgive and forget.

If not you may as well leave with some dignity, prepare to be subsidising her and the kids for the next couple of decades and try not to fk up your kids life by being one of those car crash relationship break downs.


Others will be along to tell you how to fk her over, but that wouldn't be me style. Up to you though - just try and remember the kids, however that doesn't mean being a doormat for the next 15 years.

[anonymous-user]

Pathetic Worm said:

To put it simply, she's a disgusting slut.

And so it begins.

[Impasse]

desolate said:

Pathetic Worm said:

To put it simply, she's a disgusting slut.

And so it begins.

It's true though.

[OzzyR1]

Nothing to add other than the OP has strong lurking skills.

[stuartmmcfc]

Ultimately the kids are the most important people in this mess. Put their happiness first and don't give her a reason to try to make them hate you

[anonymous-user]

Impasse said:

It's true though.

In your world, not in mine.

But that's fine by me - I can accept that as we are talking morals then truth is relative. Crack on.

[cat with a hat]

I would gather the proof
Think about how to play your cards and results of different senarios (e.g. if you moved out vs. she moved out?... Who would take the kids? Etc)
Get finances and anything else you need in order
Execute

[Oldandslow]

You don't know that she's done anything beyond a bit of long distance flirting. Probably just to make herself feel attractive and wanted by somebody. It's not very nice but it's not cheating.