Thoughts ... having first child at 40
Discussion
Hi
Happily married for 10 years, together 18.
We both work in finance, so long hours, tube commute - usual sort of stuff.
I will be 40 this year, the wife 39.
We feel now is the last moment we could have kids. However, we are now concerned we may have left it too late.
Any experience of having kids later? Ideally we would have more than one if we can.
Thanks for your thoughts.
Happily married for 10 years, together 18.
We both work in finance, so long hours, tube commute - usual sort of stuff.
I will be 40 this year, the wife 39.
We feel now is the last moment we could have kids. However, we are now concerned we may have left it too late.
Any experience of having kids later? Ideally we would have more than one if we can.
Thanks for your thoughts.
It's too late to do it in your twenties, that's for sure!
Go for it. Youth is no help for the baby years anyway - no sleep is no sleep. And if you have to get a bit fitter later to keep up with them as kids it will be an added bonus.
I am older than you and having more kids is the only reason I would bother with another marriage/relationship.
Go for it. Youth is no help for the baby years anyway - no sleep is no sleep. And if you have to get a bit fitter later to keep up with them as kids it will be an added bonus.
I am older than you and having more kids is the only reason I would bother with another marriage/relationship.
Had two, first when i was 39 and second at 41 (i'm a couple of weeks off 43 & my wife is a year older than me). I see not issues, we are both healthy, finances are far better than when we were in our 20's so less of a strain in that area (they do cost a bit needing new clothes what seems like every other week etc.) but absolutely no regrets - my advice is give it a go which is also quite good fun, i guarantee fatherhood is brilliant
I didn't become a dad until I was 41. I don't think I'd have been such a caring dad if this had happened when I was 21 or even 31. You've had plenty of life experience to bring into the equation and can draw on that to raise your child(ren) to be responsible adults.
Only "negative" if it can be considered as such is your own ages once they become adults. You'll be in your 60's.
Only "negative" if it can be considered as such is your own ages once they become adults. You'll be in your 60's.
My best mate was a late starter on the children front. You need to be prepared to be in your mid 50s when the children are going through their awkward and sometimes difficult teenage years. My mate really struggles with that.
They have never had much money so it has been a bit of a struggle as the kids get more expensive at a time when ours are now all out of Uni and off the payroll.
Having said all that, you can never rationalise all aspects of having children and I would say go for it. The pleasure they give, by far, out weighs the tough times.
They have never had much money so it has been a bit of a struggle as the kids get more expensive at a time when ours are now all out of Uni and off the payroll.
Having said all that, you can never rationalise all aspects of having children and I would say go for it. The pleasure they give, by far, out weighs the tough times.
I was 45, wife 39 when first (& only!) child was born. He's now 2.
There have been many times over the last couple of years when I've said 'I'm too old for this!'. The lack of sleep in the first year was really, really hard.
Plus it's really odd having friends of the same age discussing their kids' university choices and what they'll do when the kids move out when ours isn't even at school yet.
But it's great, really it is. The expression on his face this morning when we opened the curtains and he saw snow for the first time was priceless!
The first 6 months are basically s
t. Then it gets a bit better every day. When they start to talk, that's when it really gets fun.
There have been many times over the last couple of years when I've said 'I'm too old for this!'. The lack of sleep in the first year was really, really hard.
Plus it's really odd having friends of the same age discussing their kids' university choices and what they'll do when the kids move out when ours isn't even at school yet.
But it's great, really it is. The expression on his face this morning when we opened the curtains and he saw snow for the first time was priceless!
The first 6 months are basically s
t. Then it gets a bit better every day. When they start to talk, that's when it really gets fun. My dad was 43 when I was born. It used to bother me slightly when I was younger but it hasn't really affected anything and it's not stopped him from being a great dad. He's going to be 70 this year and is still fit and healthy.
I sometimes worry about what he'll be like in 10 years or so and I'm in my 30s but there is a lot of life to be had between then and now!
I sometimes worry about what he'll be like in 10 years or so and I'm in my 30s but there is a lot of life to be had between then and now!
I'm surprised that so many people think having children in their late thirties/early forties is "too late" expecially when people are living longer these days. If you keep particularly fit and healthy then I don't imagine it'd be that much more difficult than someone in their early thirties for example. I'm not a dad though so I'm not speaking from experience.
Quhet said:
My dad was 43 when I was born. It used to bother me slightly when I was younger but it hasn't really affected anything and it's not stopped him from being a great dad. He's going to be 70 this year and is still fit and healthy.
I sometimes worry about what he'll be like in 10 years or so and I'm in my 30s but there is a lot of life to be had between then and now!
My dad was 40 and is now 76! And doing extremely well, significantly fitter and healthier than many younger people, I can only hope I am the same at his age. It does worry me how long he's got left but tbh he's in such a good way I just can not see that day coming for quite some time!I sometimes worry about what he'll be like in 10 years or so and I'm in my 30s but there is a lot of life to be had between then and now!
I've just had my first at 35. Right now while the mrs is off work and does the night stuff it's pretty easy, I imagine that might get harder when the wife goes back to work.
But either way we are both extremely happy
In a way I regret not having children sooner, but then I wasn't as financially stable and to me that's very important.
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