Wedding invite - the classic evening do only dilemma
Discussion
My old mucker is getting married.
Again.
We go back for just about all of our adult lives but after he moved away and married "witch" from hell 1st wife we drifted apart.
He's now bagged himself a corker and the invite for wedding number 2 arrived this morning.
For the evening do only.
100 miles away - which is where he lives now.
Ive always had a thing with evening do only invites and thought if Im not matey enough to be invited to the whole thing then why should I turn up with a new toaster from Argos for a few sandwiches and a crap disco? At our wedding we didnt have evening invites, it was the full ordeal or nothing.
If we both go we'll need an overnight babysitter on top of a room at the venue which is inconveniently in the middle of nowhere and not cheap. And 200 miles worth of fuel. And a Russell Hobbs Windsor (4 Slice).
As you can sense Ive already made my mind up - but invites to the 'evening do' only - why do people do this because as far as I can see it only ever generates aggro
Cheers - comments welcome
Wedings - you can't win.
Set your budget
Decide on the location and standard of food and entertainment
That gives you the number of heads
and then the fight starts
Where do you draw the line
Which best mate do you leave behind in favour of the distant 'family' member
The fallout from closer family when you invite the mate instead
The mate's partner
on and on
I like you style and drawing the line, all or nothing, you're in or you're out
We had a few evening only invitees...we felt awful not to include some peiple but couldnt afford everyone..
you can't win.
If he's a good as friend as you hope he is, he'll understand and probably has a cracking toaster already...
Set your budget
Decide on the location and standard of food and entertainment
That gives you the number of heads
and then the fight starts
Where do you draw the line
Which best mate do you leave behind in favour of the distant 'family' member
The fallout from closer family when you invite the mate instead
The mate's partner
on and on
I like you style and drawing the line, all or nothing, you're in or you're out
We had a few evening only invitees...we felt awful not to include some peiple but couldnt afford everyone..
you can't win.
If he's a good as friend as you hope he is, he'll understand and probably has a cracking toaster already...
space, cost and atmosphere are some of the first that come to mind.
Space because some venues struggle to hold more than 50
cost, because 50-150 per head is for most, still a lot of money
atmosphere, because 'intimacy', if that is what is wanted is easily lost at greater than 50-60
The evening do also lets the b&g change the dynamics and add more friends to what is more than likely be a family day.
Only you have any real sense if the evening 'lot' are also rans or there because they mean a lot, but for other reasons can't make the day. At mine, the evening guests all meant a great deal to me but that's my personal belief that I tend to think that in this day and age people get invites to weddings more because they are wanted, rather than because of rules/conventions/protocol, etc.
edit: and btw, there should be ZERO expectation for evening guests to bring anything at all.
Space because some venues struggle to hold more than 50
cost, because 50-150 per head is for most, still a lot of money
atmosphere, because 'intimacy', if that is what is wanted is easily lost at greater than 50-60
The evening do also lets the b&g change the dynamics and add more friends to what is more than likely be a family day.
Only you have any real sense if the evening 'lot' are also rans or there because they mean a lot, but for other reasons can't make the day. At mine, the evening guests all meant a great deal to me but that's my personal belief that I tend to think that in this day and age people get invites to weddings more because they are wanted, rather than because of rules/conventions/protocol, etc.
edit: and btw, there should be ZERO expectation for evening guests to bring anything at all.
numtumfutunch said:
As you can sense Ive already made my mind up - but invites to the 'evening do' only - why do people do this because as far as I can see it only ever generates aggro
Cheers - comments welcome
The only "agro" is from those who feel somehow "entitled"Cheers - comments welcome
The issue is always around cost & budgets. Typically the difference in cost maybe 100/head so 200 for a couple. This soon adds up so lines have to be drawn.
GT03ROB said:
numtumfutunch said:
As you can sense Ive already made my mind up - but invites to the 'evening do' only - why do people do this because as far as I can see it only ever generates aggro
Cheers - comments welcome
The only "agro" is from those who feel somehow "entitled"Cheers - comments welcome
The issue is always around cost & budgets. Typically the difference in cost maybe 100/head so 200 for a couple. This soon adds up so lines have to be drawn.
I got married a month ago and apart from the staggering cost to feed people, we were also space limited by how many folk we could cram into the ceremony itself. Therefore, we obviously needed to invite all the family along and it's surprising/terrifying to learn just how much family you have when both sides come together. The rest of the seats were filled by the bridal/groom parties and close/best friends. And let's be frank, you know whether you are someone's best mate or not without waiting for the 'full day' wedding invite.
Therefore, the evening list is not necessarily about 'who isn't a good enough mate to come to the full day', but more about accommodating your friends at all! We quickly reached our maximum capacity limit with the evening guest list. One of my mates also made a remark about only being an 'evening friend', but then he hasn't yet had to deal with the s
t-storm that is organising a wedding guest list and should therefore have considered himself lucky to have made the list at all.The moral of the story is, don't be butt-hurt about the evening unless you are genuinely best friends with the guy. Oh, and don't buy him a toaster
GreatPretender said:
I got married a month ago and apart from the staggering cost to feed people, we were also space limited by how many folk we could cram into the ceremony itself. Therefore, we obviously needed to invite all the family along and it's surprising/terrifying to learn just how much family you have when both sides come together. The rest of the seats were filled by the bridal/groom parties and close/best friends. And let's be frank, you know whether you are someone's best mate or not without waiting for the 'full day' wedding invite.
Went through the same a couple of years back. We decided close family only, parents, our kids, 1 aunt/uncle couple from each side, her brother & sister & a few joint friends. No other kids. Still seemed to hit 45. If we went any further out it would have been closer to 100. SIL moaned about no kids (hers were 14 & 16!!) saying she might not come, wife told her if she didn't want to come that was her choice, if she wanted her kids that would be 250quid please as that's what it would cost us. The cheek of complaining that I wasn't buying her kids a 125quid meal!! Funnily she still came without her kids. Even more funny she got married 3 weeks later & didn't invite anyone bar her mum & 2 friends!!
Never been married but pretty much all my friends are and my sister. It wouldn't bother me as I understand the implications of cost and logistics, like the post above I'd be more upset if I didn't get invited to the stag do!
I kind of dread the day though as the missus is a bit mental with this sort of stuff and has a family and want second cousins and st. I have a huge family and I know a lot of them won't bother because they are tight as fk and won't want to pay to go to a wedding in another country which I'm ok with, just means I invite my mates instead.
I kind of dread the day though as the missus is a bit mental with this sort of stuff and has a family and want second cousins and s
t. I have a huge family and I know a lot of them won't bother because they are tight as fk and won't want to pay to go to a wedding in another country which I'm ok with, just means I invite my mates instead.Gassing Station | The Lounge | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff