Employed Driver Killed My Dad but His Employer Says Nothing
Discussion
A short while ago my dad was crossing the road when a bloke driving a high powered car struck him. Sadly dad never regained consciousness from the impact, and subsequently died from his injuries.
There is presently an ongoing investigation and I have to be careful about what I publish; the long and short of it is that the police are still gathering evidence. Among all the grieving of losing a very fit 75 year-old in such an horrific way, and trying to rebuild our lives without him, one thing that stood out for me was an absence of contact from the employer of the driver. Am I being unreasonable?
I understand that the driver - and his employer - would have been advised and instructed as soon as they learned that they were involved in a fatality. However, not even a short note of condolence? Or perhaps a small bunch of flowers at the funeral? My thinking is that it wouldn't have done them any harm had they reached out with a brief statement assuring us that they will do all they can to assist in the investigation (and what about internal investigations? We heard that the fella went back to work regardless!). At first I thought the driver may have reached out himself (via the police, obvs) but not a whisper even from him.
It's taken some time for me to come out of my shell on the matter because I know that there is nothing anyone can do to bring my dad back; no apology, no rollicking; no compensation, no insurance claim... nothing will bring him back. Besides, it's a period where emotions are all over the place and I have had to suppress the feeling of wanting to act out some form of retribution.
For the record, I have no issues with naming the (very well known) company, but I think at this stage (and to keep in with the PH mods) I think it is prolly best to keep them anon.
There is presently an ongoing investigation and I have to be careful about what I publish; the long and short of it is that the police are still gathering evidence. Among all the grieving of losing a very fit 75 year-old in such an horrific way, and trying to rebuild our lives without him, one thing that stood out for me was an absence of contact from the employer of the driver. Am I being unreasonable?
I understand that the driver - and his employer - would have been advised and instructed as soon as they learned that they were involved in a fatality. However, not even a short note of condolence? Or perhaps a small bunch of flowers at the funeral? My thinking is that it wouldn't have done them any harm had they reached out with a brief statement assuring us that they will do all they can to assist in the investigation (and what about internal investigations? We heard that the fella went back to work regardless!). At first I thought the driver may have reached out himself (via the police, obvs) but not a whisper even from him.
It's taken some time for me to come out of my shell on the matter because I know that there is nothing anyone can do to bring my dad back; no apology, no rollicking; no compensation, no insurance claim... nothing will bring him back. Besides, it's a period where emotions are all over the place and I have had to suppress the feeling of wanting to act out some form of retribution.
For the record, I have no issues with naming the (very well known) company, but I think at this stage (and to keep in with the PH mods) I think it is prolly best to keep them anon.
Edited by Glassman on Tuesday 22 March 18:00
Typical of so many businesses. They don't need to make contact with you, it wouldn't cost anything to do so but for whatever reason they just dont do it.
At best, perhaps they just do not know what to say.
Sorry to hear this story, it must be horrendous for you to lose a parent in this way, and just so sudden.
At best, perhaps they just do not know what to say.
Sorry to hear this story, it must be horrendous for you to lose a parent in this way, and just so sudden.
Very sad way to lose someone. Sorry for your loss.
Down to business, not a hope of anything in 2016. They will be too afraid of consequences to do anything decent.
Not on par, but if you ring my council having tripped on the pavement they just offer a claim form. Not the slightest interest in how you are, no apology, they just send it out. That's what it's like these days.
None of this can be taken as a message they don't want to do something. Their hands are tied.
Down to business, not a hope of anything in 2016. They will be too afraid of consequences to do anything decent.
Not on par, but if you ring my council having tripped on the pavement they just offer a claim form. Not the slightest interest in how you are, no apology, they just send it out. That's what it's like these days.
None of this can be taken as a message they don't want to do something. Their hands are tied.
LaurasOtherHalf said:
Thoughts to you and your family.
Apologies if I've missed it, in what capacity was the driver working when the accident occurred?
Difficult to say as they would almost immediately be identifiable by the industry they're in. He was delivering a car, on behalf of his employer. Apologies if I've missed it, in what capacity was the driver working when the accident occurred?
Robbo 27 said:
Typical of so many businesses. They don't need to make contact with you, it wouldn't cost anything to do so but for whatever reason they just dont do it.
In response to what though? Let's leave the question of what on earth they could say that would offer comfort but who else who knew the driver would you like to hear from?His parents? Old school friends? The girl on the m56 services that served his full English that day?
If the driver was actually carrying out his profession whilst the accident took place I could sort of understand some words of condolence being welcome but even so, I suspect the potential for causing offence to make most employers think there's more chance of making matters worse, never mind undermining their employee at a difficult time for him.
It's an incredibly emotive subject for all concerned.
Glassman said:
LaurasOtherHalf said:
Thoughts to you and your family.
Apologies if I've missed it, in what capacity was the driver working when the accident occurred?
Difficult to say as they would almost immediately be identifiable by the industry they're in. He was delivering a car, on behalf of his employer. Apologies if I've missed it, in what capacity was the driver working when the accident occurred?
However,
The employer doesn't know you're a decent upstanding family and can't know that any kind words won't be misconstrued or taken the wrong way. And that's without the fact that there may be a serious police enquiry that they could be accused of trying to prejudice.
It's very sad, but things like this are best spoken about at the conclusion of any investigations or inquiries for good reason.
LaurasOtherHalf said:
In response to what though? Let's leave the question of what on earth they could say that would offer comfort but who else who knew the driver would you like to hear from?
His parents? Old school friends? The girl on the m56 services that served his full English that day?
If the driver was actually carrying out his profession whilst the accident took place I could sort of understand some words of condolence being welcome but even so, I suspect the potential for causing offence to make most employers think there's more chance of making matters worse, never mind undermining their employee at a difficult time for him.
It's an incredibly emotive subject for all concerned.
Possibly the most tactless and heartless message that could have been said. You havent even read the original message correctly.His parents? Old school friends? The girl on the m56 services that served his full English that day?
If the driver was actually carrying out his profession whilst the accident took place I could sort of understand some words of condolence being welcome but even so, I suspect the potential for causing offence to make most employers think there's more chance of making matters worse, never mind undermining their employee at a difficult time for him.
It's an incredibly emotive subject for all concerned.
Can we all show some respect to the OP please at this most difficult of times.
LaurasOtherHalf said:
If the driver was actually carrying out his profession whilst the accident took place I could sort of understand some words of condolence being welcome
The driver of the car was delivering 'the car' on behalf of his employer. It was not his car. The driver's profession is to deliver cars in this way, so yes, he was actually/actively doing his job when the incident took place. Condolences to you.
Damned if they do, Damned if they don't sometimes.
I've been in a similar situation. Spent a few weeks in a coma as the result of being knocked down crossing the road. I never heard from the driver and wouldn't have wanted to. If they'd appeared at hospital let's just say further offences would've been committed!
Easy to say I know but forget the other party. Remember your dad and all the great things about him.
Damned if they do, Damned if they don't sometimes.
I've been in a similar situation. Spent a few weeks in a coma as the result of being knocked down crossing the road. I never heard from the driver and wouldn't have wanted to. If they'd appeared at hospital let's just say further offences would've been committed!
Easy to say I know but forget the other party. Remember your dad and all the great things about him.
So sorry to hear of your loss. And a terrible way to lose someone too.
As said, if they are a week known name, the second it happened they would have had their legal department (or external lawyer) on the case. They would have all been advised to leave you well alone and not prejudice the police investigation.
As said, if they are a week known name, the second it happened they would have had their legal department (or external lawyer) on the case. They would have all been advised to leave you well alone and not prejudice the police investigation.
Robbo 27 said:
LaurasOtherHalf said:
In response to what though? Let's leave the question of what on earth they could say that would offer comfort but who else who knew the driver would you like to hear from?
His parents? Old school friends? The girl on the m56 services that served his full English that day?
If the driver was actually carrying out his profession whilst the accident took place I could sort of understand some words of condolence being welcome but even so, I suspect the potential for causing offence to make most employers think there's more chance of making matters worse, never mind undermining their employee at a difficult time for him.
It's an incredibly emotive subject for all concerned.
Possibly the most tactless and heartless message that could have been said. You havent even read the original message correctly.His parents? Old school friends? The girl on the m56 services that served his full English that day?
If the driver was actually carrying out his profession whilst the accident took place I could sort of understand some words of condolence being welcome but even so, I suspect the potential for causing offence to make most employers think there's more chance of making matters worse, never mind undermining their employee at a difficult time for him.
It's an incredibly emotive subject for all concerned.
Can we all show some respect to the OP please at this most difficult of times.
LaurasOtherHalf said:
The employer doesn't know you're a decent upstanding family and can't know that any kind words won't be misconstrued or taken the wrong way. And that's without the fact that there may be a serious police enquiry that they could be accused of trying to prejudice.
It's very sad, but things like this are best spoken about at the conclusion of any investigations or inquiries for good reason.
Some people will only take offence in anything the employer (or some random on the Internet) might say.It's very sad, but things like this are best spoken about at the conclusion of any investigations or inquiries for good reason.
The other angle - if the employers were dead set of getting rid of the twunt, regardless of the outcome of any investigation, if they apologised on his behalf, they MAY be seen as having assumed his guilt before a fair outcome and in this day and age, that assumption on behalf of the employer could see them end up in a tribunal or be on the arse end of some grievance fro assuming guilt.... like I say, in this day and age
My condolences to you and your family and I hope that if the police don't do your father justice then the karma police do instead...
My condolences to you and your family and I hope that if the police don't do your father justice then the karma police do instead...
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