Dad died abroad, affairs in a mess, not sure where to start

[Hard-Drive]

Sadly my Dad passed away on Friday night. He'd been very ill for a long time and was in a nursing home in Spain, after having moved there following a divorcing my mum many years ago. We didn't see much of each other, and for the last few years Alzheimer's had made conversations initially difficult (he'd started to get into his head I'd murdered someone and I'd been in prison bless him), and then totally impossible. It's very sad but in many ways a release for him.

Before these symptoms started I'd begged him to try and get his affairs in order, but to no avail. I know nothing about his finances, any bank accounts or even if he had life insurance. All I know is he might have a few quid scattered across accounts in the UK, Ireland and Spain. He has a house in Spain, but it's not been lived in for years, and will be crammed full of hoarded "stuff".

I work full time in a busy career, and the OH and I have a 5 month old baby. Any extended stays out there to sort things out are just not possible. I believe that somewhere in his house there is a will where everything is left to me, although I have no idea where to even start...things may be locked away with no keys. Needless to say a large bill arrived in my inbox this morning for the impending funeral costs...great timing as my OH has just run out of maternity pay.

All I want to do is get over there, find any relevant paperwork (might be impossible), bring his ashes back and give him a dignified send off by scattering them in the UK with his family, and try and make the rest of the issues just go away. I'm not interested in maximising and gain from his estate, I just need everything sorted as I just can't really do things from here with work and a young family.

I can't be the first person in this situation...does anyone have any tips, or tell me where I can start? In the same way that there's a central database of whether someone has car insurance or not, is there anything similar for life insurance? Do I need to contact an "heir hunters" style company?

Any input gratefully received...thanks in advance.

[ApOrbital]

Sorry for your loss

[grumpy52]

One place to go believe it or not is the Foreign office ,they have much experience in these things and will point you in the direction of the correct offices to contact in Spain.
My condolences on your loss.
It is not going to be easy to sort out and I have a feeling it's not going to be resolved quickly .

[happychap]

Sorry for your loss. It sounds like this wasn't,t totally unexspected, and at some level a bit of a relief due to his illness. Having said that, you might want to consider taking some time out of your busy life to go over to Spain and spend some time getting his affairs in some sort of order.
Having said that only you know how best to work through your process of accepting the loss of your father. Good luck

[Wacky Racer]

This happened to my Dad who died In Malta, but fortunately (for me) he itemised all his Maltese stocks and shares holdings, bank accounts, as he knew he only had three months to live, but even so it was a nightmare, spent over two full days in the Maltese inland revenue offices being interviewed...(They were great, very helpful)and came to an amicable arrangement to settle his tax affairs.

Overall, it took two years to sort everything out, difficult from two thousand miles away.

I found e-mail was a boon.

Sorry, nothing to add except it is going to be very difficult...especially in Spain.

Good luck, and take each week as it comes.

[55palfers]

My condolences.

When my dad died away from home, my work were great and gave me two weeks compassionate leave. Talk to your boss, I'm sure he / she will help.

[essayer]

Condolences - work can and will wait. Start with the Foreign office / consulate in Spain and go from there.

https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/bereave...

[King Herald]

Sorry for your loss. Someobody must have been arranging his affairs in Spain, his bills must have been paid from somewhere, to somewhere else, or was he basically completely incapable of sensible discussion the last few years?

I have no real advice as such, but it is a bit of a wake up call to me, as I'm the opposite way around to your situation. I live abroad and my affairs are in a bit of a mess. I really ought to sort my $hit out a bit, just in case. I am but 56 years old, but have pensions, rental house mortgage, and bank accounts in several countries, and my wife has no real idea where to even start looking if I do depart this mortal coil suddenly.

I'm not even sure how I could do it. Write a list of accounts, names, addresses, etc? There seem to be so many passwords and log ins to numerous secure sites nowadays, and all have different requirements. Maybe a letter somewhere marked 'Open only after my death' with all the details in?

[Wacky Racer]

King Herald said:

Sorry for your loss. Someobody must have been arranging his affairs in Spain, his bills must have been paid from somewhere, to somewhere else, or was he basically completely incapable of sensible discussion the last few years?

I have no real advice as such, but it is a bit of a wake up call to me, as I'm the opposite way around to your situation. I live abroad and my affairs are in a bit of a mess. I really ought to sort my $hit out a bit, just in case. I am but 56 years old, but have pensions, rental house mortgage, and bank accounts in several countries, and my wife has no real idea where to even start looking if I do depart this mortal coil suddenly.

I'm not even sure how I could do it. Write a list of accounts, names, addresses, etc? There seem to be so many passwords and log ins to numerous secure sites nowadays, and all have different requirements. Maybe a letter somewhere marked 'Open only after my death' with all the details in?

This.

If you think your affairs are in a mess, how on earth is your wife going to cope, not knowing passwords etc.

If you love and value your wife do it now......like this week....

If you don't....keep it to yourself....

[ruggedscotty]

Get it in order lodge it with a lawyer along with a will, Im sure this is possible let your wife know where the will is etc.

[grumpy52]

This is a reminder for all of us with assets of any sort .Get your wishes recorded and let people know where it is secured.

[El Guapo]

Condolences for your loss. I don't have any specific advice beyond what has already been offered but I can say that the Spanish have a very respectful attitude to death & bereavement, and if you have to deal with Spanish officials at some point you can expect them to be helpful and sympathetic.

[King Herald]

Wacky Racer said:

This.

If you think your affairs are in a mess, how on earth is your wife going to cope, not knowing passwords etc.

If you love and value your wife do it now......like this week....

If you don't....keep it to yourself....

Yes, I know, been thinking about it for a loooong time, just never got my act together.

[Roo]

Sorry for your loss.

[Robertj21a]

Some time ago I started to compile a list of bank/building society accounts, a few stocks, some Premium Bonds, reference numbers for Pension, House Insurance, Life Insurance, Tax Return etc etc - it has become quite a sizeable document but I feel much happier that it's been documented. Subsequently, I've added some general notes to go with an *updated* Will (is everyone sure their Will up to date ?) that give my next of kin some general guidance on smaller, personal issues and/or who to contact for any help with some specific items.
It really is worthwhile doing these things while you can - I've also just arranged for Power of Attorney to be drawn up for myself and some other key members of the family.

[Lucas CAV]

Speak to your work about compassionate leave.

[Hard-Drive]

Thanks for the replies and thoughts guys.

Sorry, to be clear I don't think time off is the issue, it's much more the "where to start" side of things. I can go to his house and see if there is anything there in terms of paperwork, but having not lived there for a few years due to moving to a care home, who knows what I'll find, or even if there's anything useful/helpful. I guess I'll need to find a local house clearance company? Anyone know how it works in Spain, will it be cleared for free and they keep whatever for sale, or do I need to pay?

I think he owned the house outright...do I need to instruct a solicitor to sell it? Over here or over there?

And is there any kind of central database, or firm or something, that if I could find his NI number, would at least be able to point me in the right direction of any accounts/policies he may have had?

I literally don't know where to start apart from to try and get into his house (locksmith?) and start rummaging around. What a mess... :-(

[jshell]

King Herald said:

Wacky Racer said:

This.

If you think your affairs are in a mess, how on earth is your wife going to cope, not knowing passwords etc.

If you love and value your wife do it now......like this week....

If you don't....keep it to yourself....

Yes, I know, been thinking about it for a loooong time, just never got my act together.

Before surgery a couple of years ago, I just wrote a list of everything I had and how my wife could find it. Was great peace of mind. Now need a formal will.

[dontfollowme]

grumpy52 said:

One place to go believe it or not is the Foreign office ,they have much experience in these things and will point you in the direction of the correct offices to contact in Spain.
My condolences on your loss.
It is not going to be easy to sort out and I have a feeling it's not going to be resolved quickly .

Appreciate it's acrap time but this seems like a sensible suggestion.

[rambo19]

Go and see a funeral director.
My brother died in the USA and the funeral directors were brilliant.