Separating from partner - with Child
Discussion
Hi all
I'm a regular contributor to PH, but have set up this user account as I don't want to post under my normal user name, in case it can be seen by my partner.
Myself and my partner are not happy. We haven’t been for a while. I've a feeling things can’t carry on like this for much longer but I don’t want to start the process of separating and f
k myself over. My child is my world, and only seeing him every other weekend will destroy me. I’d rather things carried on as they are and I remain unhappy but see him daily than not see him.
Our child is 3 years old. We are both named on the birth certificate. We currently all live together in a house with a 50% LTV (220k house) and the mortgage, deeds and everything else is entirely in my name. I put in all the deposit, the only thing she pays for is food. I work full time Mon-Fri, she works almost full time (nights/weekends(not sure if this matters?)
If we were to separate, I’d like to know the possible outcome in my situation. As I own the house could I aim for custody as I can provide a home or will I have to sell the house and/or provide for them?
Thanks
(apologies for posting here, but couldn't post in SPL)
I'm a regular contributor to PH, but have set up this user account as I don't want to post under my normal user name, in case it can be seen by my partner.
Myself and my partner are not happy. We haven’t been for a while. I've a feeling things can’t carry on like this for much longer but I don’t want to start the process of separating and f
k myself over. My child is my world, and only seeing him every other weekend will destroy me. I’d rather things carried on as they are and I remain unhappy but see him daily than not see him.Our child is 3 years old. We are both named on the birth certificate. We currently all live together in a house with a 50% LTV (220k house) and the mortgage, deeds and everything else is entirely in my name. I put in all the deposit, the only thing she pays for is food. I work full time Mon-Fri, she works almost full time (nights/weekends(not sure if this matters?)
If we were to separate, I’d like to know the possible outcome in my situation. As I own the house could I aim for custody as I can provide a home or will I have to sell the house and/or provide for them?
Thanks
(apologies for posting here, but couldn't post in SPL)
Edited by abcdefg123 on Tuesday 10th May 15:12
married or not probably makes no difference...as, I'm afraid to say for you, neither does who paid for what. You will probably be viewed as "common law partners" (might have the phrase wrong there). Net net is that unless you agree amicably then you will spend lots of cash fighting and have to split everything down the middle. Unless you can prove she is an unfit mother then you have 5% chance AT BEST of gaining custody of the child. He/she will live with the mother and you will pay child maintenance. I'm afraid that is how it will go for you. Good luck.
ziggy328 said:
married or not probably makes no difference...as, I'm afraid to say for you, neither does who paid for what. You will probably be viewed as "common law partners" (might have the phrase wrong there). Net net is that unless you agree amicably then you will spend lots of cash fighting and have to split everything down the middle.
Why do people still spout this rubbish?OP, being married or not makes a huge difference.
You own the home. The best she can try is to seek to justify an 'interest' in it under land and property law. For this to succeed she would need to be able to demonstrate she contributed to the property, which need not be financial.
PurpleMoonlight said:
ziggy328 said:
married or not probably makes no difference...as, I'm afraid to say for you, neither does who paid for what. You will probably be viewed as "common law partners" (might have the phrase wrong there). Net net is that unless you agree amicably then you will spend lots of cash fighting and have to split everything down the middle.
Why do people still spout this rubbish?OP, being married or not makes a huge difference.
You own the home. The best she can try is to seek to justify an 'interest' in it under land and property law. For this to succeed she would need to be able to demonstrate she contributed to the property, which need not be financial.
I thought the common law thing was a load of toss, seems like others agree.
Other issue is if we split, and he doesn't stay with me where would they live? She can't afford anywhere, and her parents live in a one bed house. She could stay there in the lounge I guess, but the boy? Would this add weight to him staying with me?
Other issue is if we split, and he doesn't stay with me where would they live? She can't afford anywhere, and her parents live in a one bed house. She could stay there in the lounge I guess, but the boy? Would this add weight to him staying with me?
abcdefg123 said:
Other issue is if we split, and he doesn't stay with me where would they live? She can't afford anywhere, and her parents live in a one bed house. She could stay there in the lounge I guess, but the boy? Would this add weight to him staying with me?
Is she an unfit mother?abcdefg123 said:
Other issue is if we split, and he doesn't stay with me where would they live? She can't afford anywhere, and her parents live in a one bed house. She could stay there in the lounge I guess, but the boy? Would this add weight to him staying with me?
Whilst you are pretty vague on circumstances, a couple of observations sprang to mind:1. You seem to be making this all out to be about your needs - having your son. You shouldn't it is about what is best for him.
2. Assuming you get custody, who is looking after him whilst you are working all day mon-fri?
3. Do not underestimate how much work there is looking after a 3yr old by yourself 24/7 mon-fri.
As has been said above, unless she is an unfit mother you have zero chance.
What the relationship like between him and his mum. Is she coping? Is he well behaved? Do they get on?
abcdefg123 said:
I thought the common law thing was a load of toss, seems like others agree.
Other issue is if we split, and he doesn't stay with me where would they live? She can't afford anywhere, and her parents live in a one bed house. She could stay there in the lounge I guess, but the boy? Would this add weight to him staying with me?
You are largely on the hook for nothign more than 15% of your net income as you are not married - unless she can prove that she has contributed to the house in some way.Other issue is if we split, and he doesn't stay with me where would they live? She can't afford anywhere, and her parents live in a one bed house. She could stay there in the lounge I guess, but the boy? Would this add weight to him staying with me?
However... you have to look at yourself and your expectations of how you want your boy raised. By a mother with a good relationship with the father where all parties are have worked out an amicable split and share the responsiblities and costs of bringing up the boy, or where the mother and father have fallen out - with the father refusing to pay more than the legal minimum and the mother refusing access to the child in return.
Do you want amicable, or spiteful?
abcdefg123 said:
Other issue is if we split, and he doesn't stay with me where would they live? She can't afford anywhere, and her parents live in a one bed house. She could stay there in the lounge I guess, but the boy? Would this add weight to him staying with me?
That's where you're screwed. Your chances of getting rid of the mother and keeping the child are, I fear, very small indeed. That means you're going to be funding another household until junior grows up - not least because "you want the best for your child".Any chance you could agree to "live as a family" in the same house and lead separate private lives?
PurpleMoonlight said:
She walks into the local council offices with child in tow and claims they are homeless, hey presto accommodation.
Which is bullst as he has a homeJockman said:
Is she an unfit mother?
No, but she doesn't enjoy it that much. She loves him to bits however.Piersman2 said:
You are largely on the hook for nothign more than 15% of your net income as you are not married - unless she can prove that she has contributed to the house in some way.
However... you have to look at yourself and your expectations of how you want your boy raised. By a mother with a good relationship with the father where all parties are have worked out an amicable split and share the responsiblities and costs of bringing up the boy, or where the mother and father have fallen out - with the father refusing to pay more than the legal minimum and the mother refusing access to the child in return.
Do you want amicable, or spiteful?
Good point, and clearly I'd want the best for him.However... you have to look at yourself and your expectations of how you want your boy raised. By a mother with a good relationship with the father where all parties are have worked out an amicable split and share the responsiblities and costs of bringing up the boy, or where the mother and father have fallen out - with the father refusing to pay more than the legal minimum and the mother refusing access to the child in return.
Do you want amicable, or spiteful?
TheExcession said:
Whilst you are pretty vague on circumstances, a couple of observations sprang to mind:
1. You seem to be making this all out to be about your needs - having your son. You shouldn't it is about what is best for him.
2. Assuming you get custody, who is looking after him whilst you are working all day mon-fri?
3. Do not underestimate how much work there is looking after a 3yr old by yourself 24/7 mon-fri.
As has been said above, unless she is an unfit mother you have zero chance.
What the relationship like between him and his mum. Is she coping? Is he well behaved? Do they get on?
1. A very good point, and I'd want the best for him. I'm not convinced that is with her, she doesn't challenge him, happy to let behaviours continue (see 4)1. You seem to be making this all out to be about your needs - having your son. You shouldn't it is about what is best for him.
2. Assuming you get custody, who is looking after him whilst you are working all day mon-fri?
3. Do not underestimate how much work there is looking after a 3yr old by yourself 24/7 mon-fri.
As has been said above, unless she is an unfit mother you have zero chance.
What the relationship like between him and his mum. Is she coping? Is he well behaved? Do they get on?
2. He goes to nursery Monday and Thursday, so would look to up that for at least another day, and he currently spends Tues/Wed with grandparents as she often works. My work would be flexible, allowing an earlier finish so I could collect him and I could make up a few hours in the evenings/weekend as she would have him too.
3. I do a lot anyway as she works a lot
4. He is behind, and we were quite concerned about him up until 3 months ago. I took a much tougher stance with him and its paid dividends. Just a normal kid now, albeit one who needs to catch up.
abcdefg123 said:
Other issue is if we split, and he doesn't stay with me where would they live? She can't afford anywhere,
Are you sure?Her salary, child benefit, child tax credit and child maintenance from you often adds up to quite a lot. Often more than the father has.
How much are rents in your area?
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