Discussion
Is it normal to contemplate one's own mortality and that of parents daily?
I suspect this is a two-pronged question.
I'm 27 next week and my folks are 58 and 59. None of us have had any scares or ill health which are out of the ordinary.
Every day I seem to think about my own death. It's neither a fear nor a longing. I can't explain it really, it's normally just a fleeting acknowledgement which is over in moments- it just strikes me that this may or may not be normal?
Part two. Every day I cannot help considering the mortality of my parents, even though both are fine. They're amicably divorced but I am very close to both. I live with my Mum and spend proper time with my Dad frequently.
I've had a comfortable and unremarkable upbringing / childhood, I have a career, a hobby, a good bunch of long standing friends and can think of no single event nor period specifically where this began or got worse, only perhaps increasing in severity as we get older. I am independent to the typical degree for a 27 year old, albeit still living with Mum, and have recently spent an extended period working on the other side of the world without any particular anxieties.
I can't begin to imagine how I could cope with the loss of anybody so close specifically my parents.
How unusual do we think this is?
I suspect this is a two-pronged question.
I'm 27 next week and my folks are 58 and 59. None of us have had any scares or ill health which are out of the ordinary.
Every day I seem to think about my own death. It's neither a fear nor a longing. I can't explain it really, it's normally just a fleeting acknowledgement which is over in moments- it just strikes me that this may or may not be normal?
Part two. Every day I cannot help considering the mortality of my parents, even though both are fine. They're amicably divorced but I am very close to both. I live with my Mum and spend proper time with my Dad frequently.
I've had a comfortable and unremarkable upbringing / childhood, I have a career, a hobby, a good bunch of long standing friends and can think of no single event nor period specifically where this began or got worse, only perhaps increasing in severity as we get older. I am independent to the typical degree for a 27 year old, albeit still living with Mum, and have recently spent an extended period working on the other side of the world without any particular anxieties.
I can't begin to imagine how I could cope with the loss of anybody so close specifically my parents.
How unusual do we think this is?
Thinking about it daily for a length of time is not usual, people usually distract themselves from it after a while. Maybe as you get old you have just woken up to mortality? Especially as you seem to have the basics in your life covered now.
Are your Grandparents still around? I'm 30 and lost my third grandparent this year, the only one left is the one that's been in the worst health condition for the longest, so having bad health is not necessarily a sign of imminent death either.
We will nearly all experience the grief of losing our parents at some point, I don't think there is necessarily a need to prepare for it though.
You may not want to click on the following link as is may depress you more, but this link shows how much time we get to spend with parents over our life time in a part of it but an interesting read none-the-less: http://waitbutwhy.com/2015/12/the-tail-end.html
Are your Grandparents still around? I'm 30 and lost my third grandparent this year, the only one left is the one that's been in the worst health condition for the longest, so having bad health is not necessarily a sign of imminent death either.
We will nearly all experience the grief of losing our parents at some point, I don't think there is necessarily a need to prepare for it though.
You may not want to click on the following link as is may depress you more, but this link shows how much time we get to spend with parents over our life time in a part of it but an interesting read none-the-less: http://waitbutwhy.com/2015/12/the-tail-end.html
Two weeks ago I had a 'widowmaker' heart attack. Five and a half years ago I buried my wife who died of a head and neck cancer.
My parents are old and frail. They will no doubt die sometime in the next few years.
Death, mortality, fear of death is all part of living. The trick is to try and keep the perspective.
They die, you will die. But it's not the number of heart beats that' important, it's what you do with the spaces between them that actually matters.
Enjoy your life. Enjoy theirs. But live it.
My parents are old and frail. They will no doubt die sometime in the next few years.
Death, mortality, fear of death is all part of living. The trick is to try and keep the perspective.
They die, you will die. But it's not the number of heart beats that' important, it's what you do with the spaces between them that actually matters.
Enjoy your life. Enjoy theirs. But live it.
I'm ex-Army and currently half way through Mountain Rescue Training. I'm with the Paramedic above, it happens when it happens.
Fate, Kismet, whatever, It's rarely your doing. It's an age old cliche, just get on and do stuff, this isn't a rehearsal.
You control very little in your life, make sure the stuff you do control is quality.
Fate, Kismet, whatever, It's rarely your doing. It's an age old cliche, just get on and do stuff, this isn't a rehearsal.
You control very little in your life, make sure the stuff you do control is quality.
Is it normal to still be living with your Mum, when you are 27 years old?
I'm not saying it isn't and perhaps I'm odd for flying the coop at 18, but I think I would be contemplating my mortality and seriously considering attenuating it if I was still living with my parents at your age.
I'm not saying it isn't and perhaps I'm odd for flying the coop at 18, but I think I would be contemplating my mortality and seriously considering attenuating it if I was still living with my parents at your age.
Didn't really think about death until fairly recently; my nan died September 2013, she was a fit and healthy 93 yo but went rapidly down hill over 6m.
Then December 23rd 2014 my dad went to bed and didn't wake up; he was 65, wasn't the fittest man, had a few health problems but nothing that would indicate what happened to him.
I was very close to both my Nan and my dad; saw both regularly.
My Grandma is now 95, still fit for her age; saw her Thursday, her friends and aquantances are dieing all around her and I think she is just waiting for her time.
Mum has been a bit morbid since my dad's death; they weren't together and hadn't been for over 10 years but I think it gave her a bit of a reality check that things can just happen out of the blue and then this week her partner of a number of years was diagnosed with aggressive and terminal cancer.
So yeahh I think about it, but only in the last few years; I'm 41.
Then December 23rd 2014 my dad went to bed and didn't wake up; he was 65, wasn't the fittest man, had a few health problems but nothing that would indicate what happened to him.
I was very close to both my Nan and my dad; saw both regularly.
My Grandma is now 95, still fit for her age; saw her Thursday, her friends and aquantances are dieing all around her and I think she is just waiting for her time.
Mum has been a bit morbid since my dad's death; they weren't together and hadn't been for over 10 years but I think it gave her a bit of a reality check that things can just happen out of the blue and then this week her partner of a number of years was diagnosed with aggressive and terminal cancer.
So yeahh I think about it, but only in the last few years; I'm 41.
Matt Harper said:
Is it normal to still be living with your Mum, when you are 27 years old?
I'm not saying it isn't and perhaps I'm odd for flying the coop at 18, but I think I would be contemplating my mortality and seriously considering attenuating it if I was still living with my parents at your age.
I think, from reading a few articles recently, there is a lot of this going on; mostly due to economics/finances etc.I'm not saying it isn't and perhaps I'm odd for flying the coop at 18, but I think I would be contemplating my mortality and seriously considering attenuating it if I was still living with my parents at your age.
For my age group (late 40s) it was the norm to leave home at 18-22, it's just not the case now.
It's even worse in some other European countries. Check out Greece, where people over retirement age are supporting offspring in their 30s/40s. Think I read similar in Spain.
Normal in some cultures though, until you get married...
Not sure if OP has a partner (didn't mention it) but maybe if he did leave home and get a girlfriend/boyfriend then it might take his mind of mortality and on to other things!
It's ok to think about your mortality but don't get obsessed about it.
Try and live a healthy life, but don't get obsessed about it.
Live your life to the full, but don't get obsessed about it.
You never know what's round the corner, but it's most likely a long way away from now so just enjoy yourself and live your life, with open eyes.
Try and live a healthy life, but don't get obsessed about it.
Live your life to the full, but don't get obsessed about it.
You never know what's round the corner, but it's most likely a long way away from now so just enjoy yourself and live your life, with open eyes.
HustleRussell said:
Is it normal to contemplate one's own mortality and that of parents daily?
I suspect this is a two-pronged question.
I'm 27 next week and my folks are 58 and 59. None of us have had any scares or ill health which are out of the ordinary.
Every day I seem to think about my own death. It's neither a fear nor a longing. I can't explain it really, it's normally just a fleeting acknowledgement which is over in moments- it just strikes me that this may or may not be normal?
Part two. Every day I cannot help considering the mortality of my parents, even though both are fine. They're amicably divorced but I am very close to both. I live with my Mum and spend proper time with my Dad frequently.
I've had a comfortable and unremarkable upbringing / childhood, I have a career, a hobby, a good bunch of long standing friends and can think of no single event nor period specifically where this began or got worse, only perhaps increasing in severity as we get older. I am independent to the typical degree for a 27 year old, albeit still living with Mum, and have recently spent an extended period working on the other side of the world without any particular anxieties.
I can't begin to imagine how I could cope with the loss of anybody so close specifically my parents.
How unusual do we think this is?
I'm 29, this could be my story apart from I already lost my Dad to cancer 12 years ago. It's normal. I suspect this is a two-pronged question.
I'm 27 next week and my folks are 58 and 59. None of us have had any scares or ill health which are out of the ordinary.
Every day I seem to think about my own death. It's neither a fear nor a longing. I can't explain it really, it's normally just a fleeting acknowledgement which is over in moments- it just strikes me that this may or may not be normal?
Part two. Every day I cannot help considering the mortality of my parents, even though both are fine. They're amicably divorced but I am very close to both. I live with my Mum and spend proper time with my Dad frequently.
I've had a comfortable and unremarkable upbringing / childhood, I have a career, a hobby, a good bunch of long standing friends and can think of no single event nor period specifically where this began or got worse, only perhaps increasing in severity as we get older. I am independent to the typical degree for a 27 year old, albeit still living with Mum, and have recently spent an extended period working on the other side of the world without any particular anxieties.
I can't begin to imagine how I could cope with the loss of anybody so close specifically my parents.
How unusual do we think this is?
Personally I think that realising (and coming to terms with) your own mortality that stops you doing all the stupid stuff we did in our teens, I drive more sensibly, watch what I eat and appreciate people close to me.
Oh and the living at home stuff... Houses are expensive
I went through a period in my 20's where I would think about death, my own and that of my loved ones daily. It haunted me, it would keep me awake at night and it seriously affected me.
Three years ago my grandad died, 4th of July. He just died, heart went, gone. I went and saw him at the hospital, looking at that great man who had taught me so much, loved us all so much and had been such an inspiration to me my whole life just lying there dead flicked a switch in my head.
The thing you have to realise, understand and comprehend is that everything dies. EVERYTHING. You have no power over death, one day everyone you know will be dead, or if you're "lucky" you'll go first!
You have to accept that your time is limited, the only thing left of you once you're gone is photos and memories so make them, take photos, take videos, take time with people you love because that's all there is.
I have videos of me and my grandad messing around, when I was feeling low after he went I watched these and they made me feel better, I hear him in the things I say and do, and now I have a daughter who will remember me and the things we do together and one day I will leave her (hopefully I will go long before she does) and she will remember me.
I'm not religious, so I don't believe in fluffy clouds and angels, I believe that you affect those around you with your energy and life and nothing else matters, nothing else transcends death.
[/monday morning cheer]
Three years ago my grandad died, 4th of July. He just died, heart went, gone. I went and saw him at the hospital, looking at that great man who had taught me so much, loved us all so much and had been such an inspiration to me my whole life just lying there dead flicked a switch in my head.
The thing you have to realise, understand and comprehend is that everything dies. EVERYTHING. You have no power over death, one day everyone you know will be dead, or if you're "lucky" you'll go first!
You have to accept that your time is limited, the only thing left of you once you're gone is photos and memories so make them, take photos, take videos, take time with people you love because that's all there is.
I have videos of me and my grandad messing around, when I was feeling low after he went I watched these and they made me feel better, I hear him in the things I say and do, and now I have a daughter who will remember me and the things we do together and one day I will leave her (hopefully I will go long before she does) and she will remember me.
I'm not religious, so I don't believe in fluffy clouds and angels, I believe that you affect those around you with your energy and life and nothing else matters, nothing else transcends death.
[/monday morning cheer]
The point is you do cope when faced with adversity. My family all live forever, no one has any ills/diseases and so on.
I'd have expected my dad to live into his 90's.- Then bang- Dec 21st, he has a sore throat- suddenly he's in hospital with some sort of internal gangrene and 4 weeks later I hold him in my arms as his life support machine is switched off.
He was only 73. he was still running a business and had been perfectly fit.
Now it was horrific, but you have to manage- our first daughter was just 13 weeks old. Guess what you have to be strong because another life/person needs you. What am I supposed to do, be depressed, start drinking ? How is that going to aid a helpless baby ?
I also guess its the simple circle of life.
I'm 44 and conscious I may have had 1/2 my life and my bones and limbs hurt more these days than they once did.
personally if you're doting on it, maybe go see a doctor and have a proper chat. maybe some counselling- yr too young with a life ahead of you too worry.
I'd have expected my dad to live into his 90's.- Then bang- Dec 21st, he has a sore throat- suddenly he's in hospital with some sort of internal gangrene and 4 weeks later I hold him in my arms as his life support machine is switched off.
He was only 73. he was still running a business and had been perfectly fit.
Now it was horrific, but you have to manage- our first daughter was just 13 weeks old. Guess what you have to be strong because another life/person needs you. What am I supposed to do, be depressed, start drinking ? How is that going to aid a helpless baby ?
I also guess its the simple circle of life.
I'm 44 and conscious I may have had 1/2 my life and my bones and limbs hurt more these days than they once did.
personally if you're doting on it, maybe go see a doctor and have a proper chat. maybe some counselling- yr too young with a life ahead of you too worry.
I think it's normal to occasionally think about death/mortality. But to do so daily isn't normal, it does sound like it's something which is of concern to you.
It may be worth a visit to your GP to discuss options. CBT may also help, or hypnotherapy if you believe in that.
Generally it's to do with genetics, all major health concerns aside. So you can look at your parents to see how you are likely to pan out!
For me my parents are both alive and in their 60s, my Dad does monumental cycle rides (he did London to Brighton yesterday) and he isn't slow either.
I understand and accept death is a part of life. The scary thing for me is the unknown of knowing you are gone, what is it like?
Only a few unlucky people who have died and been resuscitated can maybe say.
If I do sit there and think about it, I get a huge overwhelming sense of dread. But that's very rare. I do have depression and anxiety but the last 12 months have been brilliant for me in terms of dealing with that and I don't often think about it, I certainly used to worry alot about it, so maybe it's something similar to that with you.
It may be worth a visit to your GP to discuss options. CBT may also help, or hypnotherapy if you believe in that.
Generally it's to do with genetics, all major health concerns aside. So you can look at your parents to see how you are likely to pan out!
For me my parents are both alive and in their 60s, my Dad does monumental cycle rides (he did London to Brighton yesterday) and he isn't slow either.
I understand and accept death is a part of life. The scary thing for me is the unknown of knowing you are gone, what is it like?
Only a few unlucky people who have died and been resuscitated can maybe say.
If I do sit there and think about it, I get a huge overwhelming sense of dread. But that's very rare. I do have depression and anxiety but the last 12 months have been brilliant for me in terms of dealing with that and I don't often think about it, I certainly used to worry alot about it, so maybe it's something similar to that with you.
Death is inevitable, rather than mope about it, accept it and be happy in life.
Hope for an easy death, but even if it's horrendous, when you're dead there's no 'you' left to worry about it. There's no 'oh I'll regret that when I die', you won't, you're dead.
Death is the price we pay for living, so live to the fullest. I'd probably start by moving out of mums.
Hope for an easy death, but even if it's horrendous, when you're dead there's no 'you' left to worry about it. There's no 'oh I'll regret that when I die', you won't, you're dead.
Death is the price we pay for living, so live to the fullest. I'd probably start by moving out of mums.
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