Another hard knock!!
Discussion
rosbif77 said:
My run of 'hard knocks' continues.....
The end of school year and my son passed his baccalauréat coming top in his class, got accepted at his first choice Paris university, got a place in the university boarding school, and received an award from his high school for his fantastic committment to helping others and organising events for his fellow students. My daughter passed her EFL English exam and came top of her class for the annual year.
averages.
So why the title of this post???
My employer has cut my teaching hours again (even though i achieved a pass rate of 100% for bac in English for the 10th consecutive year!!!), my investments took a hit with Brexit (down 30%!), my flat was burgled 24h after my son got his bac result, my car got vandalised in an overnight Paris car park (wing mirror ripped off and tyres slashed!), and now i've torn my hamstring at the local gym ( signed on 2 months ago to get fit and feel better!!). No sport until the Autumn on doctor's orders.
Finally the Brexit vote to leave has added to the stress and i could be facing a pile of administrative woe to stay over here!
The thing is i'm really really depressed and beginning to wonder why i keep getting all these knocks. I've put everything into my 2 children, despite the life changing events i've endured (see my other posts), and i'm so overjoyed with what my children have achieved.
Every time something happened to me i managed to pick myself up, but i'm now feeling seriously down, unfulfilled (excellent teaching results but 3rd pay cut in 2 years).
I love spending time with my children,enjoying great trips out to the cinéma, picnics in the countryside, walking in the forest etc, and being with them definitely lifts my spirits.
I decided to stay in France and be with my children rather than changing school/area.
My boss knows that if i say 'sod it i've had enough ' i'll have to pull my daughter out of the school, and all available EFL teaching jobs in the area pay even less!
I'll also end up seeing her only at weekends which never of us wants.
In the past 2 years i've put on 15 kg due to the emotional confort eating caused by the severe emotional strain of the divorce and resulting fall out!! All my so called friends dumped me after the divorce, and added to the loss of all the in-laws, i find myself totally isolated, cut off and desperately seeking new ways to establish social contact!
Financially I know that in 2-3 years time i'll have used up all my savings just to make ends meet at the end of every month, but i just cannot imagine leaving my daughter and moving elsewhere! I put family before my career.
I realise that i've posted before about searching for a new job etc and i've got some constructive replies but unfortunately each time it means giving up my children etc.
I'm now seriously pissed off that despite all my best efforts to turn the page everytime 'life' keeps trying to knock me down.
Consequently i'm losing my drive to continue, i'm stuck in a school where i love teaching but i get pay cuts for achieving 100% pass rates, and i can't see any financially secure future for myself.
I see a therapist several times a month and talk things through with her, but i still get the feeling life just keeps kicking me when i try to get up.
The only family i have left in the UK are my dad (88 and health problems), and my sister who i've seen once in 6 years ( despite my best efforts).
My children are the closest family i have.
Has anyone here been through the same experience ( expat divorce then job problems)?
How do you stop depression taking over your life?
The end of school year and my son passed his baccalauréat coming top in his class, got accepted at his first choice Paris university, got a place in the university boarding school, and received an award from his high school for his fantastic committment to helping others and organising events for his fellow students. My daughter passed her EFL English exam and came top of her class for the annual year.
averages.
So why the title of this post???
My employer has cut my teaching hours again (even though i achieved a pass rate of 100% for bac in English for the 10th consecutive year!!!), my investments took a hit with Brexit (down 30%!), my flat was burgled 24h after my son got his bac result, my car got vandalised in an overnight Paris car park (wing mirror ripped off and tyres slashed!), and now i've torn my hamstring at the local gym ( signed on 2 months ago to get fit and feel better!!). No sport until the Autumn on doctor's orders.
Finally the Brexit vote to leave has added to the stress and i could be facing a pile of administrative woe to stay over here!
The thing is i'm really really depressed and beginning to wonder why i keep getting all these knocks. I've put everything into my 2 children, despite the life changing events i've endured (see my other posts), and i'm so overjoyed with what my children have achieved.
Every time something happened to me i managed to pick myself up, but i'm now feeling seriously down, unfulfilled (excellent teaching results but 3rd pay cut in 2 years).
I love spending time with my children,enjoying great trips out to the cinéma, picnics in the countryside, walking in the forest etc, and being with them definitely lifts my spirits.
I decided to stay in France and be with my children rather than changing school/area.
My boss knows that if i say 'sod it i've had enough ' i'll have to pull my daughter out of the school, and all available EFL teaching jobs in the area pay even less!
I'll also end up seeing her only at weekends which never of us wants.
In the past 2 years i've put on 15 kg due to the emotional confort eating caused by the severe emotional strain of the divorce and resulting fall out!! All my so called friends dumped me after the divorce, and added to the loss of all the in-laws, i find myself totally isolated, cut off and desperately seeking new ways to establish social contact!
Financially I know that in 2-3 years time i'll have used up all my savings just to make ends meet at the end of every month, but i just cannot imagine leaving my daughter and moving elsewhere! I put family before my career.
I realise that i've posted before about searching for a new job etc and i've got some constructive replies but unfortunately each time it means giving up my children etc.
I'm now seriously pissed off that despite all my best efforts to turn the page everytime 'life' keeps trying to knock me down.
Consequently i'm losing my drive to continue, i'm stuck in a school where i love teaching but i get pay cuts for achieving 100% pass rates, and i can't see any financially secure future for myself.
I see a therapist several times a month and talk things through with her, but i still get the feeling life just keeps kicking me when i try to get up.
The only family i have left in the UK are my dad (88 and health problems), and my sister who i've seen once in 6 years ( despite my best efforts).
My children are the closest family i have.
Has anyone here been through the same experience ( expat divorce then job problems)?
How do you stop depression taking over your life?
Edited by rosbif77 on Saturday 9th July 20:12
Edited by rosbif77 on Saturday 9th July 20:22
Sorry to hear about your troubles but at the end of the day you've got two choices in life haven't you?
Give up or fight like hell.
BTW I live in France and the I couldn't give a toss about the Brexit (although I would have voted for it if in the UK). It's not going to change anything for you.
Give up or fight like hell.
BTW I live in France and the I couldn't give a toss about the Brexit (although I would have voted for it if in the UK). It's not going to change anything for you.
There'll be many people here able to empathise, perhaps not with the specifics but with the general difficulties you're encountering. FWIW I understand the feeling of isolation and uncertainty caused by the breakdown of major relationships.
I've not been through a similar situation, but regardless of physical location, dealing with simultaneous job stress and relationship stress is exceptionally difficult.
I'd advise finding a good counsellor. It can help you find perspective and positivity, allowing you to maybe not beat yourself up too much for the things going wrong in your life, while getting a clearer picture of the things you are responsible for and can change for the better.
Luke
(Edited to add - I missed the bit about you seeing a therapist above. But if it's not helping, maybe find another one more able to help you?)
I've not been through a similar situation, but regardless of physical location, dealing with simultaneous job stress and relationship stress is exceptionally difficult.
I'd advise finding a good counsellor. It can help you find perspective and positivity, allowing you to maybe not beat yourself up too much for the things going wrong in your life, while getting a clearer picture of the things you are responsible for and can change for the better.
Luke
(Edited to add - I missed the bit about you seeing a therapist above. But if it's not helping, maybe find another one more able to help you?)
Edited by MurderousCrow on Sunday 10th July 09:13
MurderousCrow said:
There'll be many people here able to empathise, perhaps not with the specifics but with the general difficulties you're encountering. FWIW I understand the feeling of isolation and uncertainty caused by the breakdown of major relationships.
I've not been through a similar situation, but regardless of physical location, dealing with simultaneous job stress and relationship stress is exceptionally difficult.
I'd advise finding a good counsellor. It can help you find perspective and positivity, allowing you to maybe not beat yourself up too much for the things going wrong in your life, while getting a clearer picture of the things you are responsible for and can change for the better.
Luke
I've always had a generally postive outlook towards life, but with the seemingly never ending series of problems i've faced in the past 3 years, it's all starting to wear me down. I know some work colleagues who also got divorced, but the pain was softened by a generous divorce settlement, or acquiring a mortgage free house, or having family to help them through It all. I've not been through a similar situation, but regardless of physical location, dealing with simultaneous job stress and relationship stress is exceptionally difficult.
I'd advise finding a good counsellor. It can help you find perspective and positivity, allowing you to maybe not beat yourself up too much for the things going wrong in your life, while getting a clearer picture of the things you are responsible for and can change for the better.
Luke
They also have job security ( fonctionnaires) and the knowledge that they don't have a boss who cuts their salary every year!!!
All these things i don't have and consequently even if their divorce was tough they've got support and financial security.
My dad told me 19 years ago when i moved to France that since i made the decision to marry a Frenchwoman and emigrate to France, i would be on my own and couldn't count on anyone but myself if things turned sour.
He has been true to his word. Yes, he listens to me, or invites me once a year to visit, but i received zero help from any of my family during the 2 year divorce process.
My sister didn't even contact me during the whole period! Her attitude being that since i was stupid enough to give up a relatively well paid teaching career in England,and start from scratch again in France, then it's my fault if it all goes wrong! My two children (13 and 18) have seen their English cousins only twice in the past 10 years!!!! My sister even brings her family over to France twice a year to Disneyland, but never bothers to contact me( i live near Paris!).
Edited by rosbif77 on Sunday 10th July 09:27
Yet another bad day. and i've just about had enough!
I discovered my car vandalised for the upteenth time this morning. Local delinquants probably!!
Then my sister decided that she would be too busy to see me and the kids when i come over to England in August. She gave me every possible excuse under the sun!!!
Ok I get the message!!
No need to bother anymore. In the past 12 months i've lost all the family over here, all my friends, not one school colleague has offered any help whatsoever ( or even moral support), my sister thinks seeing her brother once in 6 years is fine, and my dad believes once you leave England and life goes wrong for you 'tough, your on your own, don't expect any help or sympathy!'
I'm fighting everyday but feel my emotional strength slipping away. A feeling of losing control of your life, of constant worry and anxiety about the future. Forget dating, every woman i've met over here sees either a 49 year old trainwreck and loser or a winning lottery ticket for a lifetime of instant spending!!!
I discovered my car vandalised for the upteenth time this morning. Local delinquants probably!!
Then my sister decided that she would be too busy to see me and the kids when i come over to England in August. She gave me every possible excuse under the sun!!!
Ok I get the message!!
No need to bother anymore. In the past 12 months i've lost all the family over here, all my friends, not one school colleague has offered any help whatsoever ( or even moral support), my sister thinks seeing her brother once in 6 years is fine, and my dad believes once you leave England and life goes wrong for you 'tough, your on your own, don't expect any help or sympathy!'
I'm fighting everyday but feel my emotional strength slipping away. A feeling of losing control of your life, of constant worry and anxiety about the future. Forget dating, every woman i've met over here sees either a 49 year old trainwreck and loser or a winning lottery ticket for a lifetime of instant spending!!!
Edited by rosbif77 on Wednesday 13th July 20:11
You need to find friends, a new anchor. This may sound stupid, possibly also impossible, but it can be done and it will help. Take it from someone who has been where you are, albeit having relocated a few hundred miles rather than across borders.
If you can't think of any other avenues, consider seeing whether you could volunteer at any charities for a couple of hours a week, or something similar.
Good luck with this.
If you can't think of any other avenues, consider seeing whether you could volunteer at any charities for a couple of hours a week, or something similar.
Good luck with this.
oldbanger said:
You need to find friends, a new anchor. This may sound stupid, possibly also impossible, but it can be done and it will help. Take it from someone who has been where you are, albeit having relocated a few hundred miles rather than across borders.
If you can't think of any other avenues, consider seeing whether you could volunteer at any charities for a couple of hours a week, or something similar.
Good luck with this.
Thanks for the comments. What i've been through in the past 18 months has definitely been the worst period of my life so far. What makes it even worse is the absence of family support and friends. The feeling of isolation, loneliness and hopelessness is somethings overwhelming.If you can't think of any other avenues, consider seeing whether you could volunteer at any charities for a couple of hours a week, or something similar.
Good luck with this.
I joined a local Sunday morning cycling club but they were all well off hi tech/finance professionals who treated anyone earning less then 4000 euros/month as illiterate peasants. On the first cycle tour we stopped off at a gourmet river side pub and they ordered meals starting at 50 euros!!! I took a salad and they never bothered to chat to me after that.
The local history club was even worse with a bunch of stuck up ex university professors who thought anyone with just a degree was stupid!
Local community groups aren't the same here as in the UK. They all know each other, work in the same place, or went to the same school. They don't readily accept outsiders. They make it obvious to you with cold shoulders, talking over you, not inviting you to group bbq's at their home, and ignoring your comments at meetings!!!
I've tried all the local interest groups which matches my interests nut i came up against the same problems each time.
i joined the local fitness club and i that helped until i injured my hamstring.
Now i feeling thoroughly miserable and seriously wondering what is going to go wrong next!
I sound like 'a fun sponge' do i? Well that's the first time someone's called me that, other names probably ( especially the ex mum in law!!).
You're right that there are loads of unfortunate beings out there and i realise that health wise, apart from having put on 15kg in the past 18 months, i don't have any serious health issues.( touch wood).
I signed on at a local gym to get back into shape but the recent injury messed that up.
I've always been positive minded but the divorce, lack of friends, regrets, pay cuts at work, lack of career prospects at work, financial strain, lack of community help etc have all built up.
Lack of sleep/physical exercise hasn't helped either and with no support either from my family back in England have left me feeling lost, abandonned and completely unsure of what direction i want my life to follow in the future.
I guess you could call it a crisis of confidence or even wallowing in self pity. Whatever it is i need some objective advice and ideas about where to go from here.
You're right that there are loads of unfortunate beings out there and i realise that health wise, apart from having put on 15kg in the past 18 months, i don't have any serious health issues.( touch wood).
I signed on at a local gym to get back into shape but the recent injury messed that up.
I've always been positive minded but the divorce, lack of friends, regrets, pay cuts at work, lack of career prospects at work, financial strain, lack of community help etc have all built up.
Lack of sleep/physical exercise hasn't helped either and with no support either from my family back in England have left me feeling lost, abandonned and completely unsure of what direction i want my life to follow in the future.
I guess you could call it a crisis of confidence or even wallowing in self pity. Whatever it is i need some objective advice and ideas about where to go from here.
Edited by rosbif77 on Friday 15th July 13:35
Edited by rosbif77 on Friday 15th July 15:11
Cancelled holiday. Some maniac drove into me side on late last night as i was leaving shopping centre ( popped out to buy last min bits and pieces for trip over.) I was booked onto ferry at Ouistreham this morning.
Suffering from minor fractures, whiplash and severe bruising.
No holiday for me and the kids now. No car.
The guy who hit me is 28, uninsured and never passed his driving test. His Bmw 335i is probably a write off.
Suffering from minor fractures, whiplash and severe bruising.
No holiday for me and the kids now. No car.
The guy who hit me is 28, uninsured and never passed his driving test. His Bmw 335i is probably a write off.
Edited by rosbif77 on Saturday 16th July 15:06
Edited by rosbif77 on Saturday 16th July 15:10
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