Ideas For Lentil Weaver Heaven
Discussion
After just having read about the Skoda that automatically limits speed according to the posted limit, its made me wonder what the country would look like if all of the lentil munchers got their way (rural 30 limits etc)
As if you needed some reminders......
"Transport 2000 believes speeding is just as lethal as drinking and driving, and should become equally unacceptable"
"cutting traffic will actually benefit local businesses"
There could be some fun in this! Then suggestions for good emmigration options......
So, lets kick off..............
All cars to use biodegredable parts and water soluble paint
All journeys of under 5 miles should be walked. (GPS monitoring should help save some bunnies here!)
As if you needed some reminders......
"Transport 2000 believes speeding is just as lethal as drinking and driving, and should become equally unacceptable"
"cutting traffic will actually benefit local businesses"
There could be some fun in this! Then suggestions for good emmigration options......
So, lets kick off..............
All cars to use biodegredable parts and water soluble paint
All journeys of under 5 miles should be walked. (GPS monitoring should help save some bunnies here!)
All buses limited to 10mph as should trains due to their masses making their stopping distances so much longer than that of a car.
All cities to be "pedestrianised", ie no cars and NO buses either.
All motorways reduced to one lane and cars removed from them and re designated "cycle routes".
All "eco" warrior types to have all their body hair removed and glued to their foreheads.....OOps sorry that just slipped in...
All cities to be "pedestrianised", ie no cars and NO buses either.
All motorways reduced to one lane and cars removed from them and re designated "cycle routes".
All "eco" warrior types to have all their body hair removed and glued to their foreheads.....OOps sorry that just slipped in...
The transportation of dead animals to be made illegal as it will take so long you couldn't get them anywhere fresh enough to eat. Home slaughter only. Town farms to be started up in parks to provide milk as its impossible to transport it under new regulations. Mass exodus of town folk to the countryside where at least they can engage in subsistence farming. Violent clashes between country and town folk over "rights" to land - and a subsistence living. Riots. The breakdown of society. Police given new powers to control rioting. UN declares Britain no-go area due to rumours of genocide and civil war.
Fuel doled out to "essential" workers only. Riots at gas stations. First staff are killed at a Shell station. BP hires Security Guards to ensure behaviour at its pumps. Finally fuel for private cars is banned entirely. Public transport does not exist. Law and order breaks down in towns. Country folk now utterly ignore town folk - as they cannot ever get to meet due to transport restrictions....
Minimum height for road humps to be eight feet.
Emergency vehicles to be electrically powered from next Wednesday
Automotive propaganda to be banned like tobacco advertising
Automotive childrens toys to be banned
Cars to be banned from TV prior to the 9 o'clock watershed, penetrative sex and drug abuse to be allowed though.
Car sales outlets to be restricted to "red light" districts and access strictly controlled permitting entry by adults only.
Some terminology like "Drive in" "Drive thru" to be banned.
All school excercise books to bear the slogan "Cars are bad and drugs are good"
Popular culture Icons to be given tax concessions for wearing sandals / cardigans and being seen riding push bikes
The £5.05/hr minimum wage to also become the target average as well paid automotive jobs are increasingly replaced by low paid local service sector jobs for all.
The school curriculum changed to outlaw the use of non PC terms "engine" will be replaced with "green motive energy unit" "Power" will be expressed in negative terms be using the expression "precious earth energy gift units" the notion that these can be saved for future generations to be applauded. "Exhaust" will henceforth be called "tragic energy loss outlet tube"
Commercial terms such as "Business" will be replaced with more descriptive terms such as "capitalist uncaring thieving bastards"
Males will not be allowed in any positions of power or control unless they are feminised like George Mombiot. Camps will be set up for the re education of males to make them better citizens.
Only selected males with truly green ideals will be allowed to breed and this will eventually lead to a pure race fit to inherit the earth.
The most polluted countries such as Poland must be "Helped" first, this should be followed by Russia, France and the rest of Europe.
Emergency vehicles to be electrically powered from next Wednesday
Automotive propaganda to be banned like tobacco advertising
Automotive childrens toys to be banned
Cars to be banned from TV prior to the 9 o'clock watershed, penetrative sex and drug abuse to be allowed though.
Car sales outlets to be restricted to "red light" districts and access strictly controlled permitting entry by adults only.
Some terminology like "Drive in" "Drive thru" to be banned.
All school excercise books to bear the slogan "Cars are bad and drugs are good"
Popular culture Icons to be given tax concessions for wearing sandals / cardigans and being seen riding push bikes
The £5.05/hr minimum wage to also become the target average as well paid automotive jobs are increasingly replaced by low paid local service sector jobs for all.
The school curriculum changed to outlaw the use of non PC terms "engine" will be replaced with "green motive energy unit" "Power" will be expressed in negative terms be using the expression "precious earth energy gift units" the notion that these can be saved for future generations to be applauded. "Exhaust" will henceforth be called "tragic energy loss outlet tube"
Commercial terms such as "Business" will be replaced with more descriptive terms such as "capitalist uncaring thieving bastards"
Males will not be allowed in any positions of power or control unless they are feminised like George Mombiot. Camps will be set up for the re education of males to make them better citizens.
Only selected males with truly green ideals will be allowed to breed and this will eventually lead to a pure race fit to inherit the earth.
The most polluted countries such as Poland must be "Helped" first, this should be followed by Russia, France and the rest of Europe.
Oh God, I'm just picturing the next 007 film, On Chairman Blair's Bureaucratic Service. Bond is allowed neither a car nor a gun, but has a gadget-laden bicycle with a missile-launching helmet. His Martini habit has been replaced with a predeliction for Heroin, he's taken up smoking again but prefers rollups, and the new Bond girl has armpit hair, wears green dungarees and refuses to kiss him let alone sleep with him.
The plot concerns Dr. Rangerovervich, who has an evil plan involving driving a car along a road in Britain at high speed without the intention of going anywhere in particular.
To thwart this particular supervillain, Bond assaults his private army using a banner on a stick that reads 'No to urban 4x4s'. After hours of exciting, nail-biting protesting, Bond eventually manages to prevent Dr. Rangerovervich driving by blowing up his personal petrol station, releasing several tonnes of hydrocarbons into the sky.
It finishes with the girl revealing that she is a lesbian. Bond understands, and wishes her luck, before coming out as partial to sheep, himself.
The plot concerns Dr. Rangerovervich, who has an evil plan involving driving a car along a road in Britain at high speed without the intention of going anywhere in particular.
To thwart this particular supervillain, Bond assaults his private army using a banner on a stick that reads 'No to urban 4x4s'. After hours of exciting, nail-biting protesting, Bond eventually manages to prevent Dr. Rangerovervich driving by blowing up his personal petrol station, releasing several tonnes of hydrocarbons into the sky.
It finishes with the girl revealing that she is a lesbian. Bond understands, and wishes her luck, before coming out as partial to sheep, himself.
Size Nine Elm said:
Sorry, duplicate thread.
www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?t=159556&f=141&h=0
Not totally car related though
Size Nine Elm said:
Sorry, duplicate thread.
www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?t=159556&f=141&h=0
erm bollox
Lib dems ar unellectable try not to be silly
1) We would all live/work underground so as not to: spoil the view an' ALL the little bunnies would once again be: happy Haw!!!!
2) Motor vehicles would of course be banned, instead, bicycle taxi/rickshaws will be used for local travel. Heavy goods will be moved by teams of 150 or more "peddlers" of heavy goods bikes.
2a) Speed cameras of course will be placed every 50 metres, anyone exceeding the 8 mph limit will be coerced into the "peddlers" of heavy goods bikes teams, named above, for a period not less than 12 months.
3) For longer distance travel, hot air balloons powered only by the hot air emitted by politicians will waft us gently up and away in a clear, star-lit, pollution free sky.
4)Cities will be demolished and will be "made over" by Charlie Dimmock & Tommy Walsh" in a 6 day long TV programme (Monday to Saturday only) called: Re-Creation Challenge.
5) Our "darling little children" will be wrapped in cotton wool from birth, fitted later with protective outer shells made from kevlar (able to withstand bomblasts) and obeyed at all times after they have learned to speak.
6) The Police Force will be disbanded as:
a) They are not needed anymore, utopia is now here.
b) We can't afford the Uniforms
c) Well? er, What good were they anyway?
7) Tax is a thing of the past, No-one pays Tax!!!
As money does not now exist in Utopia - the notion of "tax" is irrelevant.
2) Motor vehicles would of course be banned, instead, bicycle taxi/rickshaws will be used for local travel. Heavy goods will be moved by teams of 150 or more "peddlers" of heavy goods bikes.
2a) Speed cameras of course will be placed every 50 metres, anyone exceeding the 8 mph limit will be coerced into the "peddlers" of heavy goods bikes teams, named above, for a period not less than 12 months.
3) For longer distance travel, hot air balloons powered only by the hot air emitted by politicians will waft us gently up and away in a clear, star-lit, pollution free sky.
4)Cities will be demolished and will be "made over" by Charlie Dimmock & Tommy Walsh" in a 6 day long TV programme (Monday to Saturday only) called: Re-Creation Challenge.
5) Our "darling little children" will be wrapped in cotton wool from birth, fitted later with protective outer shells made from kevlar (able to withstand bomblasts) and obeyed at all times after they have learned to speak.
6) The Police Force will be disbanded as:
a) They are not needed anymore, utopia is now here.
b) We can't afford the Uniforms
c) Well? er, What good were they anyway?
7) Tax is a thing of the past, No-one pays Tax!!!
As money does not now exist in Utopia - the notion of "tax" is irrelevant.
8Pack said:
2a) Speed cameras of course will be placed every 50 metres, anyone exceeding the 8 mph limit will be coerced into the "peddlers" of heavy goods bikes teams, named above, for a period not less than 12 months.
Ah but there is a problem here. You see speed cameras save so many lives that placing them in this density would actually start to create life as more people would be saved than are actually in existance. As a consequence the CO2 emmisions form all the people would accelerate the greenhouse effect so quickly that the earth would actually become hotter than the sun. this would be fine for anyone spending at least 10 months of the year sunbathing such as members of the cabinet and the Royal family but for ordinary farties it could pose problems. The answer would of course be to introduce some more legislation possible scrapping the license system for peddlers and introducing tax on breathing, thus re establishing the need for money.
Don said:
The transportation of dead animals to be made illegal as it will take so long you couldn't get them anywhere fresh enough to eat. Home slaughter only. Town farms to be started up in parks to provide milk as its impossible to transport it under new regulations. Mass exodus of town folk to the countryside where at least they can engage in subsistence farming. Violent clashes between country and town folk over "rights" to land - and a subsistence living. Riots. The breakdown of society. Police given new powers to control rioting. UN declares Britain no-go area due to rumours of genocide and civil war.
I think this is a stated aim of those running the IPCC. A breakdown of industrialised society and a return to a pre-industrial way of life.
nonegreen said:
2a) Speed cameras of course will be placed every 50 metres, anyone exceeding the 8 mph limit will be coerced into the "peddlers" of heavy goods bikes teams, named above, for a period not less than 12 months.
Ah but there is a problem here. You see speed cameras save so many lives that placing them in this density would actually start to create life as more people would be saved than are actually in existance. As a consequence the CO2 emmisions form all the people would accelerate the greenhouse effect so quickly that the earth would actually become hotter than the sun. this would be fine for anyone spending at least 10 months of the year sunbathing such as members of the cabinet and the Royal family but for ordinary farties it could pose problems. The answer would of course be to introduce some more legislation possible scrapping the license system for peddlers and introducing tax on breathing, thus re establishing the need for money.
Doffs cap, Souorly sir, if I 'ave offended ye, couldn' I jus' ol' me breath fur 2 minutes ur so? t'pay me back taxes azit wur?
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