Tuesday joke
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simpo two

Original Poster:

92,660 posts

294 months

Tuesday 8th March 2005
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A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture when a brand new BMW screeched to a halt. The driver, a young man in a Prada suit, Gucci shoes and Dior sunglasses, leans out of he window and asks:

"If I tell you exactly how many sheep you have in your flock will you give me one?"
The shepherd looks at the young man, obviously a yuppie and calmly answers: "Sure, why not".
The yuppie parks the car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his AT&T cellphone, surfs to a NASA internet page, where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system to get an exact location fix, this he feeds into another NASA satellite to scan the area and produce an ultra high resolution photo.

He then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Germany. Within seconds, the yuppie receives an e-mail on his Palm Pilot to say that his image has been processed and the data stored.

He then accesses a MS-SQL database through the ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet containing complex formulae. He uploads
all of this data via an e-mail on his Blackberry and prints a full colour , 150 page report on his Hi-tech, compact HP LaserJet printer, turns to the shepherd and exclaims, "You have exactly 1,586 sheep". "That's right, admits the shepherd. Well I guess you can take one of my sheep".

He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused as he stuffs it into the boot of his car. The shepherd then turns to the young man , "Hey, if I tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my sheep?"
The young man thinks about it for a second and replies "Okay, why not?"

"You're a Consultant", says the shepherd, "Wow! That's correct" admits the yuppie, "but how did you guess?"
"No guessing required" answers the shepherd, "You arrive here even though nobody called you, you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked, and you know sod-all about my business.....
Now give me back my dog".

minimax

11,985 posts

285 months

Tuesday 8th March 2005
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Incorrigible

13,668 posts

290 months

Tuesday 8th March 2005
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An excellent twist on an old joke

Who knows the one about the manager in a hot air balloon

Iceman82

1,311 posts

265 months

Tuesday 8th March 2005
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That's a cracker!! LMAO

cotty

42,215 posts

313 months

Tuesday 8th March 2005
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Heard this before but it was a blond who changed the colour of her hair

scruffy

3,757 posts

290 months

Tuesday 8th March 2005
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The sheperd is actually a genetic biologist:

simpo said:

... "Hey, if I tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my sheep?"

... "Okay, why not?"

... "You're a Consultant, now give me back my dog".



... now give me an orgasm.

simpo two

Original Poster:

92,660 posts

294 months

Tuesday 8th March 2005
quotequote all
scruffy said:
... "You're a Consultant, now give me back my dog".

Means the consultant didn't know the difference between a sheep and a dog. It took me a while too. As for the last bit, you'll forgive me if I leave hastily...

scruffy

3,757 posts

290 months

Tuesday 8th March 2005
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Note to self: don't post anything with a SERIOUS hangover

simpo two

Original Poster:

92,660 posts

294 months

Tuesday 8th March 2005
quotequote all
scruffy said:
Note to self: don't post anything with a SERIOUS hangover

post in haste, repent at leisure