No help at all
Discussion
It seems despite all the so called services the NHS offer, when your teen is in full on mental meltdown and refusing to talk to you or anyone there is absolutely no help on offer to the parent.
I truly believe my child will take her own life at some point such is the demons she refuses to allow help with.
I truly believe my child will take her own life at some point such is the demons she refuses to allow help with.
Not quite on a par with your worries, OP, but I've been there myself.
No help at all is pretty accurate. When I've asked for it from the likes of my GP and a 'families therapist', and my wife has asked on my behalf, the answer from the mental health charities and teams is to ask them directly. They won't speak to a third party. Which sucks. Because hey? If I'm at an all time low ebb, I'm not going to be well enough to ask for the help I desperately need. Conversely, if I'm well enough to ask... A) when I get to speak to someone I won't come across as a priority case for help, and B) I'm probably doing well enough at that moment to think "I'm better now. No need to get the damned help in the first place"
It drives me f
king nuts. If I'm well enough to badger the services for help, I probably don't need it. If I need it, I'm probably not well enough to badger the services for help. It was the same when I did have help (military mental health team). It's fine when my nurse was at work, making the appointments for me. But as soon as she went off sick herself, no-one stepped in to 'drive the ship' and so I fell out of the treatment cycle. Apparently "I should have pushed for new appointments with a new nurse"??? Really? If I was well enough to get my st together to organise that, then it probably meant I was lots better. I wasn't, so my treatment fell by the wayside and I got no NHS follow up upon leaving the army.
I sincerely hope that you manage to get through to your daughter, and also get her the help that you know she needs. If she had cancer, or a glamorous obscure disease, you can bet your bottom dollar that charities with their glossy celeb patrons would be climbing over each other to be first in the queue to help. Mental ill-health is as at least as serious as physical ill-health, but is always the poor relation when it comes to funding and provision...
No help at all is pretty accurate. When I've asked for it from the likes of my GP and a 'families therapist', and my wife has asked on my behalf, the answer from the mental health charities and teams is to ask them directly. They won't speak to a third party. Which sucks. Because hey? If I'm at an all time low ebb, I'm not going to be well enough to ask for the help I desperately need. Conversely, if I'm well enough to ask... A) when I get to speak to someone I won't come across as a priority case for help, and B) I'm probably doing well enough at that moment to think "I'm better now. No need to get the damned help in the first place"
It drives me f
king nuts. If I'm well enough to badger the services for help, I probably don't need it. If I need it, I'm probably not well enough to badger the services for help. It was the same when I did have help (military mental health team). It's fine when my nurse was at work, making the appointments for me. But as soon as she went off sick herself, no-one stepped in to 'drive the ship' and so I fell out of the treatment cycle. Apparently "I should have pushed for new appointments with a new nurse"??? Really? If I was well enough to get my st together to organise that, then it probably meant I was lots better. I wasn't, so my treatment fell by the wayside and I got no NHS follow up upon leaving the army.I sincerely hope that you manage to get through to your daughter, and also get her the help that you know she needs. If she had cancer, or a glamorous obscure disease, you can bet your bottom dollar that charities with their glossy celeb patrons would be climbing over each other to be first in the queue to help. Mental ill-health is as at least as serious as physical ill-health, but is always the poor relation when it comes to funding and provision...
solo2 said:
It seems despite all the so called services the NHS offer, when your teen is in full on mental meltdown and refusing to talk to you or anyone there is absolutely no help on offer to the parent.
I truly believe my child will take her own life at some point such is the demons she refuses to allow help with.
Go and see your GP - tell them your concerns. Expllain politely that you insist that they refer you immediately, and that you are concerned that your Daughter is considering suicide. I truly believe my child will take her own life at some point such is the demons she refuses to allow help with.
Tell them directly you will be writing a letter to The Head of Practice to confirm you met and let them know specifically that you asked for an immediate referral... it is up to you and how that conversation goes, whether you want to specify what is likely to happen to their career should your daughter subsequently attempt suicide.
Cahms is a great organisation, but can be difficult to get into the system at first
Lastly I wish you well, do try to find a way to look at her social media and browsing, there are numerous instances of troubled teens joining/viewing suicide websites.
Gargamel said:
Go and see your GP - tell them your concerns. Expllain politely that you insist that they refer you immediately, and that you are concerned that your Daughter is considering suicide.
Tell them directly you will be writing a letter to The Head of Practice to confirm you met and let them know specifically that you asked for an immediate referral... it is up to you and how that conversation goes, whether you want to specify what is likely to happen to their career should your daughter subsequently attempt suicide.
Cahms is a great organisation, but can be difficult to get into the system at first
Lastly I wish you well, do try to find a way to look at her social media and browsing, there are numerous instances of troubled teens joining/viewing suicide websites.
Tell them directly you will be writing a letter to The Head of Practice to confirm you met and let them know specifically that you asked for an immediate referral... it is up to you and how that conversation goes, whether you want to specify what is likely to happen to their career should your daughter subsequently attempt suicide.
Cahms is a great organisation, but can be difficult to get into the system at first
Lastly I wish you well, do try to find a way to look at her social media and browsing, there are numerous instances of troubled teens joining/viewing suicide websites.
HarryFlatters said:
She was referred to CAMHS about two years ago, CBT made her worse. Family therapy is helping a bit but she's all talk when in session but no change and back to her depressed state once out. I get very frustrated.yellowjack said:
Not quite on a par with your worries, OP, but I've been there myself.
No help at all is pretty accurate. When I've asked for it from the likes of my GP and a 'families therapist', and my wife has asked on my behalf, the answer from the mental health charities and teams is to ask them directly. They won't speak to a third party. Which sucks. Because hey? If I'm at an all time low ebb, I'm not going to be well enough to ask for the help I desperately need. Conversely, if I'm well enough to ask... A) when I get to speak to someone I won't come across as a priority case for help, and B) I'm probably doing well enough at that moment to think "I'm better now. No need to get the damned help in the first place"
It drives me fking nuts. If I'm well enough to badger the services for help, I probably don't need it. If I need it, I'm probably not well enough to badger the services for help. It was the same when I did have help (military mental health team). It's fine when my nurse was at work, making the appointments for me. But as soon as she went off sick herself, no-one stepped in to 'drive the ship' and so I fell out of the treatment cycle. Apparently "I should have pushed for new appointments with a new nurse"??? Really? If I was well enough to get my st together to organise that, then it probably meant I was lots better. I wasn't, so my treatment fell by the wayside and I got no NHS follow up upon leaving the army.
I sincerely hope that you manage to get through to your daughter, and also get her the help that you know she needs. If she had cancer, or a glamorous obscure disease, you can bet your bottom dollar that charities with their glossy celeb patrons would be climbing over each other to be first in the queue to help. Mental ill-health is as at least as serious as physical ill-health, but is always the poor relation when it comes to funding and provision...
Yellowjack, I'm so sorry to hear of your own personal battles and I totally agree with you regarding how mental illness is dealt and perceived with as against physical obvious illnesses.No help at all is pretty accurate. When I've asked for it from the likes of my GP and a 'families therapist', and my wife has asked on my behalf, the answer from the mental health charities and teams is to ask them directly. They won't speak to a third party. Which sucks. Because hey? If I'm at an all time low ebb, I'm not going to be well enough to ask for the help I desperately need. Conversely, if I'm well enough to ask... A) when I get to speak to someone I won't come across as a priority case for help, and B) I'm probably doing well enough at that moment to think "I'm better now. No need to get the damned help in the first place"
It drives me f
king nuts. If I'm well enough to badger the services for help, I probably don't need it. If I need it, I'm probably not well enough to badger the services for help. It was the same when I did have help (military mental health team). It's fine when my nurse was at work, making the appointments for me. But as soon as she went off sick herself, no-one stepped in to 'drive the ship' and so I fell out of the treatment cycle. Apparently "I should have pushed for new appointments with a new nurse"??? Really? If I was well enough to get my st together to organise that, then it probably meant I was lots better. I wasn't, so my treatment fell by the wayside and I got no NHS follow up upon leaving the army.I sincerely hope that you manage to get through to your daughter, and also get her the help that you know she needs. If she had cancer, or a glamorous obscure disease, you can bet your bottom dollar that charities with their glossy celeb patrons would be climbing over each other to be first in the queue to help. Mental ill-health is as at least as serious as physical ill-health, but is always the poor relation when it comes to funding and provision...
We had a bad night when I posted, she comes to me in obvious distress but refuses to say why and actually goads me into getting upset with her. Out of hours mental health support won't help, refer her to A&E yet she won't attend and even if she did she has such a fantastic mask that she gets sent home again. And so we yo-yo continuously.
solo2 said:
It seems despite all the so called services the NHS offer, when your teen is in full on mental meltdown and refusing to talk to you or anyone there is absolutely no help on offer to the parent.
I truly believe my child will take her own life at some point such is the demons she refuses to allow help with.
Been through that nightmare, came out the other side with a few more grey hairs and a daughter who is finally a pleasure to be around again.I truly believe my child will take her own life at some point such is the demons she refuses to allow help with.
What would this me tell the me before it all started? Get help for yourself, you'll need it.
I'm guessing she's mid-teens?
WinstonWolf said:
I'm guessing she's mid-teens?
Yep, 16 to be precise. Antidepressants have helped immensely but I realise they are no cure.
You're also dead right about needing help myself. I always thought I was a strong person but I'm struggling to cope. Problem is all the therapists that have tried to
solo2 said:
WinstonWolf said:
I'm guessing she's mid-teens?
Yep, 16 to be precise. Antidepressants have helped immensely but I realise they are no cure.
You're also dead right about needing help myself. I always thought I was a strong person but I'm struggling to cope. Problem is all the therapists that have tried to
Have you tried writing her a letter? It sounds daft but I did it with my daughter as conversations often wander and you don't necessarily get the point across. Tell her whatever you think is important, explain yourself, how this also affects you and the way you behave. Make sure she knows she's 100% supported and you'll do whatever to help her. Be kind...
It took me three days to write something I was happy with, it was only a single page. Write, re-write, review and repeat. Bah!
She is going through huge changes, her brain is rewiring itself and she can't handle all of the emotions. It is a phase and it will pass.
If you've put all the support in place and she knows how to access it when she needs it you've done the best you can for her. In my daughter's case the 'help' was hindering. Everyone poking their noses into her business, I can understand how she felt.
She also needs you to be functioning well, calm and supportive when she needs it. If you're in a better place you can be more supportive when necessary.
It's draining, really draining.
There is a shocking lack of help and support for MH on the NHS.
Had similar problems with a close family member. They had quite good help and support on the south coast, then moved to the midlands to be nearer to me and a fresh start after a psychosis and breakdown spanning a few months. Now the local services are horrendous and have actually added to the problem. If you can, I'd suggest paying for private help, but I realise this isn't easy or cheap.
Had similar problems with a close family member. They had quite good help and support on the south coast, then moved to the midlands to be nearer to me and a fresh start after a psychosis and breakdown spanning a few months. Now the local services are horrendous and have actually added to the problem. If you can, I'd suggest paying for private help, but I realise this isn't easy or cheap.
I find you ask for help but the real help I need is getting her to trust someone preferably me but she's too scared to trust anyone for fear of being let down again like she has been by her father. Therefore she won't open up to what is bothering her.
She's by some miracle just cruised her GCSE's getting such good results that she can now attend the local Grammar school for A Levels. There's a hell of a lot of pressure for kids to do well in such schools so thankfully she's mature enough to realise when she's having a balance few weeks that this is not what she currently needs and is heading back to her Secondary school to do them there.
She's been fairly balanced the last few weeks, her meds up have been increased which appear to have taken effect now which is good and bad. I'm concerned we're not far away now from the maximum dose of this drug and worry where does she go from there if the worse comes to the worst as other AD's haven't worked for her.
Meanwhile her father hasn't even enquired on how her results were, probably hasn't even worked out she's old enough to have taken them. How can a parent just walk out on their kids without a backward glance like that???
She knows I'd do anything for her and would never leave her but sometimes I'm not sure I know her anymore when she's in a bad place.
There really should be more warnings in pregnancy test leaflets of the implications to come
She's by some miracle just cruised her GCSE's getting such good results that she can now attend the local Grammar school for A Levels. There's a hell of a lot of pressure for kids to do well in such schools so thankfully she's mature enough to realise when she's having a balance few weeks that this is not what she currently needs and is heading back to her Secondary school to do them there.
She's been fairly balanced the last few weeks, her meds up have been increased which appear to have taken effect now which is good and bad. I'm concerned we're not far away now from the maximum dose of this drug and worry where does she go from there if the worse comes to the worst as other AD's haven't worked for her.
Meanwhile her father hasn't even enquired on how her results were, probably hasn't even worked out she's old enough to have taken them. How can a parent just walk out on their kids without a backward glance like that???
She knows I'd do anything for her and would never leave her but sometimes I'm not sure I know her anymore when she's in a bad place.
There really should be more warnings in pregnancy test leaflets of the implications to come
solo2 said:
I find you ask for help but the real help I need is getting her to trust someone preferably me but she's too scared to trust anyone for fear of being let down again like she has been by her father. Therefore she won't open up to what is bothering her.
She's by some miracle just cruised her GCSE's getting such good results that she can now attend the local Grammar school for A Levels. There's a hell of a lot of pressure for kids to do well in such schools so thankfully she's mature enough to realise when she's having a balance few weeks that this is not what she currently needs and is heading back to her Secondary school to do them there.
She's been fairly balanced the last few weeks, her meds up have been increased which appear to have taken effect now which is good and bad. I'm concerned we're not far away now from the maximum dose of this drug and worry where does she go from there if the worse comes to the worst as other AD's haven't worked for her.
Meanwhile her father hasn't even enquired on how her results were, probably hasn't even worked out she's old enough to have taken them. How can a parent just walk out on their kids without a backward glance like that???
She knows I'd do anything for her and would never leave her but sometimes I'm not sure I know her anymore when she's in a bad place.
There really should be more warnings in pregnancy test leaflets of the implications to come
Good to hear she is doing a bit better. Clearly the medication is starting to work for her. When you start antidepressants it can make this worse until they hit your system which takes Months.She's by some miracle just cruised her GCSE's getting such good results that she can now attend the local Grammar school for A Levels. There's a hell of a lot of pressure for kids to do well in such schools so thankfully she's mature enough to realise when she's having a balance few weeks that this is not what she currently needs and is heading back to her Secondary school to do them there.
She's been fairly balanced the last few weeks, her meds up have been increased which appear to have taken effect now which is good and bad. I'm concerned we're not far away now from the maximum dose of this drug and worry where does she go from there if the worse comes to the worst as other AD's haven't worked for her.
Meanwhile her father hasn't even enquired on how her results were, probably hasn't even worked out she's old enough to have taken them. How can a parent just walk out on their kids without a backward glance like that???
She knows I'd do anything for her and would never leave her but sometimes I'm not sure I know her anymore when she's in a bad place.
There really should be more warnings in pregnancy test leaflets of the implications to come
Clearly taking tablets is not the answer long term but if it helps quiet the mind just now that is a bonus for her and the family.
Unfortunately many people I have assisted have been through the NHS system with no relief from their issues. Until someone has been through difficult times in their own lives no one understands what you are feel no matter how many books they read on the subject.
Also this depends on who is in front of you. Many have no understanding and are quite dismissive of what you are going through. One teenager was told he had to do a 80 mile round trip to get treatment even though he was suffering from Agoraphobia. If he could do that trip he would not need treatment.
Many then go down the alternative route to try and get help but there are so many sharks out there it can cost thousands and still your love one suffers.
Clearly something has happened in her life which is manifesting itself now. Has she had trauma in the past? Lost a love one? Lost a friend? Bullied?
You mention her father. Clearly her parents split. How did she take this when it happened? Was she old enough to know what was going on? Were there fights in front of her?
You would be amazed what the mind will store away in the subconscious. Unfortunately if we get stressed or upset these memories can come back and hit us hard. As she is a teenager life can be tough enough with all the changes which in turn can bring past experiences back.
Unfortunately some people can't remember what exactly has happened. This is like someone having a bad car accident yet have no memory of it happening.
The mind likes to protect us but this can do more harm than good as it will be required to be dealt with down the line.
If you have any questions or want any advice just drop a message.
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